How do I get my ex back?

Question

OK, full story, i was with my ex for over a year, i cheated on her early in the relationship, and i decided to end it when i was caught.

we have a son, who i do my best for, see him all the time, pay for every thing for him etc, who is 2 and half months old.

Just after he was born, she asked me if i wanted to get back with her, i was unsure so as not to get her hopes up said no.

A week later i proposed only to be told she needs to think about it, and a month and half later she rejected me.

My feelings for her have grown stronger and stronger over recent weeks and i am now finding it hard to sleep. I just want us to be a family. Any advice?

A few more details for every one:

I have no excuse for cheating. It was bad and wrong and is the biggest regret of my life.

Im not seeking praise for providing for my son, just making a point that i do

I am an impulsive person, yes, but in recent months my life has really calmed down. I have settled into a very good job (day service social care worker for adults with learning disabilities), which has forced me to grow up much quicker

She is seeing someone at the moment, who i believe to be a liar (hes 23, a full time student and apparently drives a porsche and has an 8 grand motor bike. He was round hers the other day when i dropped my son off, and i saw neither in the area)

Answer 1

She gave you another chance and you said no. that right there was not a smart choice. She is probably thinking you are only going to use her now. It sounds like she has moved on but wil lkeep you around for the baby. you said she rejected you? Did she turn down your proposal afterall? Did she cut you off completely? How did she reject you? Keep trying. Remember actions speak louder than words! If you are really trying to do this for her and the baby, then she will be able to see that. If you are only doing this for the baby, she will see through that too!

Answer 2

Hi, sorry to hear about your issues. First of all, I hate to say it, but if you loved this girl, I do not think you would have ever cheated on her. I mean, you did it early on in the relationship you said, so you either really did not care where the relationship was headed or something was lacking in your relationship. Bottom line, you cheated.
It sounds like you are very impulsive, and you are really not sure what you want in life. Even your question sounds very indecisive about what you want to do. I think it was very wrong of you to say no about getting back together, and then proposing to her a week later.
This is what was going through her head....She was upset that you were confused about her, she refused your proposal....Understandable right? I mean she wouldn't want to plan a wedding with you and then you chicken out. Also I am sure she felt like less of a person that you did not want her. Woman love to feel wanted and desired, and you probably made her feel worse than dirt. Also, when you cheat, from a woman's perspective, she feels so undesirable, ugly, unattractive, etc.
Personally, I think your feels are wanting what you cannot have. I think the idea of your ex makes you want her. I know you guys have a son together, but there must be a huge reason why the two of you did not work out. I do not believe in getting back together with someone only because the problems you had before usually circle back with a vengance. And then you will resent one another even more.
My advice to you is to continue to be a good provider and father to your son. I think you should write this one off as a huge mistake that you made and move on. I also think there is a huge temptation that you are going to do this again, and for the sake of your son, don't ruin his life like this.

Answer 3

That's a typical man for you...don't know what you have until it's gone..some ppl think that saying is crap but honestly it's words to live by. Honestly she doesnt owe you anything and if she sticks to her guns about not wanting you back it's know ones fault but your own. Although if she does take you back make sure that you never ever make her regret the day she did. Take this as a learning experience and if you do get back together love her and your baby like no other. She probably just needs time. She just had a baby and may be going thru all the post partum feelings. Try talking to her and make sure she knows you are sincere and you love her and the baby. If it doesn't work then most importantly make sure you always take care of you son...Good Luck and learn from this!

Answer 4

Time is your best option right now. Just keep doing what you have been doing as far as taking care of the kid. I can see that she is still hurt about you saying no about getting back together. Not a wise choice of words, but whats done is done. I think that people sometimes hold grudges from being rejected and the only way that they can get their confidence back in their mind is to reject that person as well. Give it time buddy. Be there for your child and dont pursue the notion of getting back together. As long as you are doing the things a father should do, I think she'll come around. Trust is hard to come by these days, big mistake on cheating, though.

Answer 5

Her trust is something you will have to work very hard to earn. You messed up and to just expect her to run into your arms will be a unwise. She has a child to consider, which I gather she puts before you. Court her like you did when you 1st met. Start all over again, this time be even more sincere. You have a lot to prove. You have 2 strikes against you. One..you cheated. Two...you rejected her...again. Third time and you will be a real jerk. She's careful and she has reason to be. Keep on loving her and show her without giving up. No woman wants a weak A!ss two-timer. Good luck.

Answer 6

My advice is to learn to control the feelings you have for her - at least for now as chasing her will not win her back.

In psychology terms it is just the endorphin rush that is released during a pair bonding session. It is absolutely the most all absorbing emotion (that is often called love) but one which often inhibts our judgement. (Studies have shown for example that when one is 'in love' with someone we tend to over estimate their good qualities and down play their bad etc - meaning that the way you perceive the love object may not be the actuality)

Here is what I think happened to her (been there too) - she went out with you and never got over the split. All this time therefore she has been looking to get back with you and probably as you are now she went through similar emotions. Then once you got back with her the sense of rejection she felt was obviously eradicated at which point she realised that it was not you she wanted all this time but more your approval that she is a desirable mate again.

She could not have known any of this in advance - who can - just when she got back she realised that she does not to be a family.

At least at the moment. She may in time change her mind - she may not. At present therefore, seperate how you feel about her and how you feel about your child. Regardless of what happens, be there for your child and stop, as it seems from your post seeking praise for doing what a parent should - namely providing for him..your ex does this and more without seeking thanks or praise all the time.

Regardless of that - my heart does go out to you. Unrequited love is just so painful - in many ways you feel haunted and drawn to the person like glue. This I promise you will fade - you will feel these things again with someone else in future (even though I know at the moment it feels no-one could possibly ever compare and this is the last thing you feel like at the moment)..

Best of luck and hang in there.

Answer 7

Sounds as if you made a mistake by cheating, then you broke up with her when you got caught, then when she asked if you both wanted to get back together, you told her no. Appears she took the hint and is now having second thoughts about you. She feels you are not ready to be committed to her, that you are unsure of your feelings for her, and so she rejected your proposal. Be sure you are willing to marry her because you mean it, otherwise you both are headed for disappointment and heartache. Give her time, continue to be there for your son, be nice and friendly to her. See what happens. She needs to see you stop being so unsure of what you want. Best of luck to you!

Answer 8

she has trust issues with you. you need to show her that she can trust you again. it will take time. it's not something you can just have over night. Don't propose to her until both of you have been a long term relationship and the trust is there completely. Basically give it time, don't rush! If things don't work out, its b/c she has moved on and that's part of her past. Now she just needs to worry about your son and herself. Good Luck!

Answer 9

You don't know what you've got til it's gone. Remember this always People the grass is never greener on the other side. Good Luck ! Sounds to me She no longer trusts you. you will have to do something out of this world to show her that you can be trusted, and that my friend is something only you can do!

Answer 10

first buy her some roses
next take her out on date some vacation type ****
hire a sitter
have a romantic dinner then
take time to tell her whats in your heart after dinner
give her the truth
if shes still undecided or it doesnt work
go to vegas and make it rain at strip clubs