Should I report my 13 year old daughter to MySpace?

Question

My Exwife has let my 13yo daughter lie about her age to be able to have a MySpace page.We had a HUGE fight about it last nite and I can't make my ex realize that it has nothing to with the fact that the page has a private setting.The principal is that my daughter is learning that it is ok to lie.Is it true that I am just being an idealist and am blowing this out of proportion?

Answer 1

You're just as much of a parent as your ex-wife and you are on the right track to be supervising your 13 year old's activities. Report her. She'll be mad but protecting her isn't always going to be fun.

Answer 2

First, I understand your anger over the myspace, but is the issue really lying or that your daughter is engaged in an activity you feel is inappropriate? Both are understandable reactions. Reporting your daughter to myspace is not likely to accomplish much other than getting her angry at you. Since she is on the site with her mother's permission (and that is a huge positive..she could have been lying to both of you!) Myspace may block the page, but she could simply start another one. Instead, I would see this as an opportunity to teach your daughter cyber safety (although again with the page set to private, it seems she is taking some precautions). Ask her to show you the page if you haven't seen it already. If you see things on there that concern you, discuss them and offer to help her find ways to display photos, info, etc safely if she is doing otherwise. Ask to be added to her friends list so you can check up on the site from time to time. Or, if this whole idea of this simply upsets you to the point that you want nothing to do with it, then set the rule that she is not allowed to access the site while visiting you and then block it on your computer.

I think there is one way to answer your own question..idealist vs. out of proportion. Ask yourself this..when you were young,did you ever lie to seem older, smarter, more than what you actually were and have you ever lied on a website about anything? We want to teach our kids right from wrong..and I tend to think the big issues are the ones that matter. If the only lie your daughter has ever told is about her age on a website, that she is honest with you and her mother and is an otherwise good kid, use this as a chance to talk, not make a scene.

Answer 3

The reason there is an age requirement is because Myspace does not want to put itself in a position to be held accountable for any negative consequence of the actions involving any minor.. and isn't that the primary obligation of any parent?.. The safety and wellbeing of your child is what is truly important.. you are right. Lying about your age to get a myspace page is a violation of their rules. And rules are rules.
Create your own page (only takes a few minutes) then you will have a better understanding of what I mean when I say the 'privacy' setting is worthless.. it does well at controlling who can see you.. but that is only half of the equasion.. it does nothing to control what is available to be seen. And that is why Myspace is concerned with the strict age policy. As a parent, you should be too.
But, in the end.. it is a matter of trust and confidence. There probably isn't anything on Myspace that will be new to your daughters eyes and ears, but is she mature enough to be bombarded with it and see it merely for the entertainment value?
I wont pick a side on this one other than to say, I have a page and enjoy the site. I don't mind there being kids hidden in the world of Myspace, just as long as they don't act like kids about it.
Just like 13 year olds on here asking questions about sex.. there is no way to stop their curiousity. How can Y!A possibly begin to enforce such things without shutting out half of the adults in the process?
Try to find a fair compromise? There has to be another (teen oriented) site out there that came into the world when Myspace decided to get strict with the age guideline.

Answer 4

This doesn't sound like this is something your daughter should be punished for, what it sounds like is that you need to discuss things with your ex-wife again. Maybe you should do some more research to show her that myspace is not the place for a 13 year old girl. For example did you know that police officers, your daughters school, employers and even colleges have access to private accounts so that they can evaluate those who have them? I know people who were accepted into really good schools who were told that they could no longer attend the school based on some of the people who were their friends on myspace. And just think of the number of other people who could gain access to your daughter's "private" account. Before you contact myspace you and your ex need to be on the same page or your daughter will never learn what it is that you are trying to teach her and you never know, maybe you could come to an understanding. I hope that this is helpful.

Answer 5

I don't think you are blowing things out of proportion as far as the deceit goes. Talk to your daughter calmly about how you feel about lying and how you feel about myspace. Find out from her what her reasons are for joining myspace. You can create one yourself and add each other as friends so you can monitor her friends, but problem is, you can't keep her from chat rooms. If she wants to chat on-line, there's no stopping her unless you are monitoring her all the time. Myspace isn't the only place to chat or meet people. I have 3 daughters, two have myspace accounts (16 & 19), my 12yr. old does not. I see all their friends and their friends spaces. We discuss talking to others we don't know and the dangers, we also discuss that there will be no secret meetings of anyone from there as they may be a potential preditor. Stop and ask yourself if you are responding to a lie or to your exwife's attitude, then talk to your daughter.

Answer 6

I did the exwife part, until I checked to see what my daughter was doing...I would suggest you do that too. I have eliminate my DD's myspace and blocked her from even seeing others. If your DD is not doing anything wrong on the site then I would do another form of punishment for the lie. If you find it is NOT private or she has "photos" on there, then report her so that your daughter will be SAFE! There are a lot of wackos out there and I know that I would hate to think of my DD being a victim of one!

Answer 7

I can appreciate your concern as her father.I do not know if there is an age requirement on my space but my concerns would be different.I wouldn't be so worried about my daughter pretending to be older ( which I think is wrong) but about other users pretending to be younger.People can represent themselves as anyone on the internet male or female, single or married, young or old etc. I would talk to your daughter about using good judgement when she is on the internet .Try to restrict what personal information she puts out there for everyone to see ( no addresses, no phone numbers, no school names etc.). The sad part is that even if you put a block on your computor or report her she may be able to start up an account on another computor.The best you can do is talk calmly with her about her site, perhaps she will let you see it so she can reassure you it is safe. Keeep the lines of communication open.Good luck

Answer 8

John,

You have just as much right as a parents as your ex-wife.
You need to set you daughter straight about lying. If she's lying at age 13 about age, what will she lie about tomorrow?
Lying only gets easier. You also need to sit down with your ex-and tell her about your concerns w/o fighting. You seem like a great dad, keep up the good work. Parenting isn't easy. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 9

You need to set you daughter straight about lieing. I think that there is a setting on myspace where she cant add friends or recieve or send messages/comments with out your approval. Watch over her, Your doing a great job at being a dad.

Answer 10

You are right it doesn't matter if her space is set to private...however that just means her friends are the only ones allowed to see it...therefore if I go to her space and ask her to be my friend and she says yes I can see her profile. But I'm pretty sure she wouldn't add someone she doesn't know.
However I am pretty sure My Space asks you if you are exactly 13 or older...and if she is 13 already then she can have a my space page. Also it might be good for her to have one now, because then someone else will not be able to post as her and say bad things about her.

Answer 11

you can, If you do however be prepared to have your daughter angry at you. It seems to me that your ex is trying to win over your daughter by going aginst your wishes. when my ex husband and I were going through our divorce, we had to take classes, it was a requirement. well anyway, we learned there that each parent might have different rules and as long as it isnt putting the child in danger, the outher parent has to live with it. In my oppinion your right by trying to teach your daughter values and morales. the problem is that the law says that your ex can rubn things in her home the way she sees fit, my ex (for example) lets my 12 year old son stay outside until 9pm. he feels thats exceptable, I dont and when hes at my house, hes inside before it gets dark. theres really nothing I can do about what happens at dads, but when hes here, he follows my rules.
good luck.