Is it illegal to lock him in at night?

Question

My husband and I got custody of his kids about 1.5 years ago. They have not seen their mother since-her choice not ours. According to the children the mother and her boyfriend were abusive to them. They are 4 and 7. The seven year old is doing better. He is in school and loves it and seldomn asks about mom anymore. The 4 year old on the other hand is our problem that we don't know how to handle. He hates us. He calls me a *****. He bites, he hits, he tried stealing the neighbors bike-while his own was right there. I've tried talking with him about how it makes us feel and how it makes him feel-he doesn't seem to get it. I've talked with therapists and they say it's because he's one of five children and trying to stand out. So we spend more one on one time with just him. Then he comes home and it starts all over again. My new concerns happen at night. He has been to the emergency room three times this month for getting up in the middle of the night and drinking or eating things he

should not eat or just can't identify. He drank an entire bottle of antibiotic, antibacterial soap, some red liquid-that we never figured out what it was. It looked like radiator fluid but I don't think it was. He's fine thank God. But each night I go to bed thinking I'm gonna wake up and he's gonna be dead in the kitchen.

He also has tried choking his brothers in the middle of the night. Biteing them for no reason-while they are asleep or jumping on them or holding a pilow over their heads. I don't know what to do. I've contacted the police and they said they can't help me.

no, I'm not talking about a cage just a lock on the door, so he can't hurt the other kids or himself. I have tried locks on the doors and cupboards, even the toilet - he is so smart, too smart for his own good. he has even found stuff in the cupboard above my refridgerator in a locked cupboard. I've even found him outside in the morning before and that door has two locks on it.

thanks for so many thoughts on the topic...I can't believe how many responses I've gotten. But for those of you that keep referencing the kids in Ohio. I'm not them. I'm not talking about a cage. They had chicken wire and had them poop on paper then sleep in it for Goodness sake. Where as-he's four, I could use a potty seat. They were also malnutritioned and left in there all the time. I am only talking about at night. And I could leave a large cup of water out incase he needed it.
I've already stripped his room it didn't help he started picking at the walls, carpet and ceiling. He's also picked apart 2 mattresses.

I should have been more clear about how he got into those three specific things. The antibiotic was amoxicillin and was in the fridge where it's supposed to be. I have 2 locks on my fridge. He can undo both of them. I can't deadbolt it because it's an apartment but if I could I would. The antibacterial soap was in the bathroom where they wash their hands. As for the red liquid I never said it was radiator fluid we never figured out what it was, we just got it out of his system. We never found empty bottle or anything red, not even paint in the house. Honestly I think he unlocked the deadbolt on the front door and took himself for a walk. It wouldn't be the first time.

Answer 1

I really really disagree with your Doctor!!! My child used to do the same thing yours did, only not as bad. My child hasn't suffered anything as trumatic as your child has. I really suggest that you take him to a Child Physcologist that will actually try and figure out what makes him behave this way. I don't think it's your fault. I've been there and done that. I know just how frustrating it is. You should also have him evaluated by a Nuero Child Physcologist to rule out everything pertaining to the brain. It is also state mandetory for a child to be tested by the school district if you request from them to do an IEP on your child. They will test your child and if the child needs help, they are required to provide a preschool for your child free of charge. I just found this out. That is if you live in the states. As per my child's physcologist. Your pediatrician should really be involved and know the history of your child. This is not normal. My child had done the same thing. As for the lock on the door, you really should talk to child services and ask their opinion of it, as parents get in trouble all the time. Explain your reasoning for it. My pediatrician actually recommended it, but when I discussed with her the fact that child services might not agree, she agreed with me. So be on the safe side. As for a lock on your apartment door, discuss the problems you are having with the landlord and explain why you need one. I went to walmart and got a sliding bolt lock and put it at the very top of our door so he couldn't reach it, even with a chair. My child calls me names, bites, hits, gets into things, trys to harm the animals in frustration and hits the other children in frustration. Spanking has not worked, it makes it worse. My child has been diagnosed with ADHD combined, and Oppositional Defiance Disorder, with Bi-Polar traits. He is on medication, which helps cut down on it some, but he still has explossions still. I encourage you to be persistant with the doctors. Maybe record his outburst on video camara, or you cell phone. I did this and showed it to our child physcologist. I also kept a diary of his days and had them copy it off to keep for their records. Try and teach him words for his emotions. Ask him how his heart feels that day or when he's having a melt down. Children like this also become frustrated because they are so smart. It's like having a ten yr olds brain in a four year olds body. I know how frustrating it is. Just remember, it's not your fault, and it's not his. He really can't help it, and he really doesn't know why he does this. Rewarding doesn't help either. They do not understand the concept. Do some research on mood disorders, be throughal. I hope I have helped some. I sympathize with you alot. Good luck hun and feel free to e-mail me if you want to talk some more.

Answer 2

The locking of the door is what I imagine would be illegal, due to it being a fire hazard. And I don't like the idea of not having access to a bathroom. However, simply having an alarm that would go off if the (unlocked) door is opened, wouldn't be. If he really had an emergency that required a bathroom, then he could get to it--he'd just end up setting off the alarm. I really like the idea of the house alarm. You can set up different codes on them, so I'd simply set up a unique code for nights when he is not allowed out. On our system (ADT), you can even set up an alert if the alarm isn't disarmed by a certain time. So, say the parents are out, but their child is expected to be at home by 10pm--you can set it up so the alarm company will call you, at say, 10:15pm if the system hasn't been disarmed by that time. All that said, in a general sense, I think that if this 15-year old is sneaking out at that hour, then he is probably doing more than just "hanging out". And yes, if the drinking of alcohol was going on, that would be an illegal act. I think this kid should be spending more time worrying about his future and learning to respect his parents, then about his own legal rights.

Answer 3

I think you need to keep the detergent and other harmful things behind a locked door rather than the child !. This child needs discipline and consequences ( If he dose this than this will happen) and be consistent.

It has to be hard for a four year old he misses his mum and may be he thinks that if he plays up bad enuf you will hate him and send him back to his mum.

My 3 and a half year old took himself for a walk down the street at six in the morning and thank God he found someone that knew him and they brought him home, and we now keep the wire screen door locked 24/7 and the key if very much out of reach.

I would be very hard in this situation seeing as you are not mum so perhaps dad needs to step up and say " This is not acceptable behaviour.

I wish you all the love and strength in the world good luck guys.

Answer 4

YEs for his safety you must lock him in his room. OK what really gets me is his inappropiate choices for food. Does he have a weight problem? Does he seem to never full up when he eas or get hungry again very quickly? The matter of him consuming nnon food items is ALARMING - It is a big red flag. Was he delayed physically? How is his speech? All these things may be making him behavior so poorly. Possibly he may have a genetic syndrome called Prader Willi Syndrome. I say this because of the nightly prowling for food items.

Either way you are completely justified in locking him in his room if his safety. Put a baby intercom in their so you can hear him and explain to him what you are doing and why in a kind way. Love will bring this boy around. Love him tremendously even when it is the hardest thing in the world.

As for locks I'd install a deadbolt lock that is key side on the inside -his side- and twist side on your side so you can get to him easily and qquickly in case of a firs. Also Lock his windows or alarm set them so he can not get out that way. Angain this is for his safety.

There are many people who have been in your shoes with children that indanger themselves and the houshold especially at night (as I am sure daytime is no joy either) but you ahve to lock up everything as well not just the child but any thing that could be dangerous for him so you can have some peace of mind during the day that he will not get into laundry chemicals and hurt himself (just an example)

Answer 5

Yes it is illegal to lock him in at night in case of fire or any other emergency . This is not a child looking for attention . This kid has mental problems . My nephew was the same way . Until a doctor started him on medication that has helped over 10 yrs now he will take them for the rest of his life for his safety and others . BUT he is great in school and loves the Internet and he thinks me and his aunt should marry and live happily ever after so there is some delusional side effects to the meds . If you can get a consular to OK the door lock then your OK legally . You might want to change the house lock to ones with a double key .( a key lock on both sides not just the outside) . Good luck .

Answer 6

I can only imagine the frustration and worry that this situation is causing you. As many previous folks have said - Don't lock him in, but definitely get him some professional help immediately.

What you may want to consider doing is attaching an alarm to his door - the kind that when the door is opened that the alarm will sound. You can place it on the outside of his bedroom door so that you can set it after tucking him in and then if he gets up/out during the night you will know and be able to assist him with what he might need (bathroom break, bad dream, etc). Definitely consider stripping his room down though for safety's sake. You may also want to work out a reward system for him for those nights that he stays in and doesn't wreck havock.

Whatever you decide, good luck to you and your family. Stay strong!

Answer 7

Isn't it a trip how many different answers you got. Some say YES lock him in to keep in from harming himself and other but yet it's consider Child Abuse. Some say NO and tell you to seek therapy. But do you have that kind of money for therapy?
It doesn't matter what you do or don't do, it's going to be "your" fault. If you don't do anything and he get into something and accidentally kills himself, you're to blame. And if you do something and it's wrong or illegal, you'll go to jail.
They always tell us to "protect the children, protect the children, protect the children". But yet we are restricted and there is really no simply plan, antidote or book to go by.
We all seem to agree that the child does have some psychotic condition. Do you have the funds to put him through therapy without putting you in the poor house? Should you spank him and see if that straighten him out? Should you lock up all the house so he doesn't get into any trouble or make a paddle room with no mean of escape and pad lock the door from the outside to keep him safe inside like a mental institute?
The police can't help you. You've used up all your parental skills and yet nothing seem to work. Perhaps a counselor might be able to help you. But what ever you do, don't blame yourself if something goes wrong. You tried and didn't fail him. He failed himself.

Answer 8

WOW!! I am so sorry for all of you. I totally AGREE to finding him a good therapist. The poor child was abused and now doesn't understand normal social behavior. Violence was taught to him and it is all he knew. I completely disagree with "locking him up" and with any form of violent punishment. The motion detector type of advice for at night is great and so is locking ALL hazardous stuff up at night!!! If you just hang in there & continue to let him know that violence is NOT the answer and hugs & kisses are much better also the bed time routine is good idea. I wish you guys the best of luck and hope things get better, it is not going to be easy! Try to be as patient as possible but also be strong on the issues that this behavior is NOT acceptable but you will always be there for him and always love him.

Answer 9

It sounds like you and your husband have your hand full. have you tried to get buzzer alert alarms they do not cost that much and you would not have to lock him in his room and i am not saying you are doing anything to harm the child it sounds like to me you are protect him and the other children. These alarms can give you a guess where he might be at in the house at all times show him that you are not going to let him get hurt. but is he acting up more towards you or your husband maybe your husband and him need a dad and son get away. Try to take him to a mental health department as well they are great people. One more thing they also have alarms that you can put on there beds it might scare him enough to just lay back . good luck with this i feel for you

Answer 10

My dear, you need to do more than talk to therapists, you need family counseling and this child may need psychiatric care. He is out of control and may be bi-polar and/or seriously depressed, especially if he has been abused by mommy and her boyfriends.

In most states it is also considered child abuse to lock a child up in his or her room, even for their own safety and the safety of others. Consider what might happen in a fire, please (sorry, but my husband and sons are EMTs and firefighters and you do not want to know what it's like to live with them when they lose a child in a fire or an accident). And you have to accept the fact that he's FOUR, not forty. Four-year-olds don't get it, they don't have the understanding to get it yet, but that doesn't mean that he shouldn't be starting to learn self-control. Given his history, however, he needs more help, much more, than you seem to be giving him.