How do you tell a family member they cannot babysit?

Question

My husband's brother and sister-in-law desperately want to babysit our new son (he's 8 weeks). However, I completely disagree with how they are raising their own children and do not want my child around that (i.e. giving their INFANTS soda, letting their children destroy their house, having no rules, letting 8,9 year olds carry and toss around INFANTS, etc). His sister-in-law has offered to come to our house to watch our son, but I know she will bring her kids and whenever they are here I am the one parenting them not her, just to avoid my own house being destroyed. The biggest problem is that my husband and his family are native spanish speakers and I DO want my son exposed to as much spanish as possible, but how do I tell them they can either babysit at our house WITHOUT their children, or not at all?? We don't want to create any family issues. Please help!

I should add that I already have been leaving the baby with my own family and our mutual friend who we trust. His family is totally aware that I am back to work part time, so saying I am not ready to leave the baby will not work.

Answer 1

I would just tell them that you would like to accept their offer for babysitting as long as they came to your house. Also politely tell them that you prefer that she didn't bring her own children so that she could take care of the baby and not have to worry about her children at the same time. This way she doesn't take offense or think that you don't like her children. This would also give her a little time away from her own children, which most parents really enjoy.
Also if she would take you up on it, make sure to set all your ground rules up front. Tell her exactly what the baby eats and around what time. Tell her that you like the baby sitting in the swing or bouncer, or whatever you usually do with the baby. This way the baby is staying on the same kind of routine. Tell her that if she doesn't follow the rules that you and your husband have set then she won't be able to babysit anymore.

Answer 2

First, I agree with everyone....talk to your husband about how you feel. You two have got to be on the same page. If you and your husband feel comfortable, you really should tell her the truth.....that you have certain rules/guidelines for the rearing of your children that you need followed. Explain to her that you in no way want to put her out, because she has enough to handle with raising her own kids. Also, that you have found a full-time sitter that really needs the money, however, ask her if she would be open to watching your son once in a while, I think this way her feelings won't be hurt, ask her to be like a back-up sitter.
This is what we did, and it actually worked out, and my brother-in-law actually took a look at how his kids were being raised, and he did a complete turn around, and now I don't mind them watching my kids anymore.
Hope this helps
Good Luck and GOD Bless you and your new family.

Momma P

Answer 3

I didn't have the Spanish part but the brother in law part I did have to deal with. Simply tell them you aren't ready to leave the baby yet. Keep your visits short for now. A newborn doesn't know what you are speaking yet. Your husband should be sufficient to help the language growth. You can lengthen the visits when the baby is a little older. For now use a mommy insecurity as your shield. Worked great for me for 4 babies with my in-laws. After a while they just stopped asking to be left alone with the baby. Now that they are older they get to spend lots of time together. But they also know now what my husband and I find acceptable.

Answer 4

ok im sorry but no matter how you say it its gonna create issues, but it sounds like an issue needs to be created, why doesnt anyone talk to these people about the way they are raising their kids? your child is your child and you have every right in the world to want your child to have the best care possible, if you need someone to watch the baby get someone else you do trust with the child, continue to let them visit with the baby but only when youre around, i would just try to avoid the topic of them wanting to babysit, if you are forced to tell them youd rather them not watch the baby then just tell them why, they might be upset but maybe it will get them to open their eyes about their parenting.

Answer 5

I can totally understand what you mean... One thing that you can say is that you would love it for your sister-in-law to watch the baby but that you would like it for the baby to have it quite for the frist couple of months, so if she would like to watch the baby at your house it would be fine as long as she watches him alone with out the kids... If she can't respect that then say unfortunatly you can't watch him anymore... If not just have your husbend talk to his brother and explian that you don't feel comfortable leaving a new born with his wife having all the kids around cause they may get him sick or it may be to much for her...

Answer 6

I'm the type that is very outspoken, but you don't need to be nasty and I'm sure you wouldn't be, but you have to be honest with them. Only make your husband do it. It's his family after all. Tell them the other children around your baby makes you nervous. you're not used to kids around your baby and if this is your 1st, they should understand. Children don't keep their hands clean and at 8 wks. that alone us unhealthy for the baby because they no doubt want to hold, or kiss or touch the baby. Make hubby be the heavy, Why does it always have to be the women that do the talking? If those kids are that bad, I'd move. Just kidding.

Answer 7

Tell her that you dont want her children around the baby because the germs children carry (might get your baby son sick)
Also make a set of rules that MUST be followed!
and if she doesnt agreer refuse for her to babysit
You need to understand that this isnt a pet gold fish or a vase it is a living breathing child that is very fragile, you can say whatever you want to say it is YOUR child and if you dont feel comfertable let it be know
I also recemend talking to your husband about how you feel

Answer 8

I am 42 and I have 9 kids and many grandkids.My kids leave their kids with me with instructions and other than the occasional peanut butter sandwich,I follow their rules.It looks very bad for you to allow your family to watch him but not his.Just say to them"I am considering letting you watch the baby ,but we have rules against some of the stuff you do with your own kids."Then do some practice runs,letting them keep him for short periods to see if they go along with your wishes.I am assuming this is your first baby.By the time you have your third,you will feed them jelly out of the jar and soda and all kinds of stuff.I had so many that every time I pushed one out of my way another one crawled out from under the bed.I have a friend that used to buy those diapers with the blocks that have the letters that disappear when the diaper is wet and she would lay the baby down in front of her and watch the blocks so she could change him.She just had her fifth ,well he is 8 months old and I saw him last saturday and his diaper looked like it had a bowling ball in it ,it was so wet.Your sisterinlaw has just gotten past that "scared new parents" thing.You need to relax but don't compromise yourself.Otherwise,it will lead to big problems with your husband's family thinking you are a snob and eventually,he and his family having problems over it and it could even lead to problems between you and your husband.

Answer 9

Thats a very hard situation. I would just tell them you are not ready to leave your baby yet. If you tell them the truth it would just hurt their feelings. Just tell them you just cannot leave him but she is welcomed to visit. When the children are in your home and ask to hold the baby politely tell them he is much too young ans so are they but if they would like to help they can help make bottles or something.

Answer 10

This is America sweetheart. No shortage of Spanish speaking women to take care of your kids. Hire one, tell the family you found a nanny, and you really don't want to bother them with the resposibilities. Or heck, the truth works. Hey, my parenting rules and techniques are not in line with yours, so we got another babysitter. But thanks for the offer.