My husband is leaving active duty and we are finally settling in one palce 500 miles away from my mother in law. When we told her about this she immediately said she needed to sell her home (that she bought less than a year ago) and move closer to us. When we told her how expensive the area was and that she'd have to buy a much smaller home or even live in an apartment she said we'd just have to buy a place big enough for her. Neither my husband or I want any of our parents living with us - we've both experienced the stress this can place on families/marriages first hand growing up. I have already had "the talk" with my parents and a plan is in place if they can no longer live on their own. My husband (only child) has not had such success as his mother is a drama queen and keeps saying she'd rather die than live in a nursing home/retirement village etc. Any Sopranos fans should note that my MIL is very much like Livia (Tony's mom) without the homicidal tendancies.
2007-04-13 01:52:13 · 17 answers · asked by bubbles M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your husband HAS to tell her "no" and he MUST stand firm. If he backs down you and your marriage are screwed. It is so sad when women feel the need to manipulate their own sons. Why do they do this??
2007-04-13 02:00:22 · answer #1 · answered by mystery_me 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This seems to be a common problem recently in here! Fortunately, the ball is in your court! Your husband is just going to have to be firm and tell her...I'm sorry, but the answer is "no". We just got settle in a place and have no plans to move into a bigger place...and while we appreciate the offer, we have support of a family support group (I'm assuming you live on or near a military post) and want to keep things as normal as possible while I'm gone!
2007-04-13 03:04:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I grew up with my maternal grandfather living with us and am sure that if my parents were still alive, they would be living with one of the six siblings...or more likely, traveling among us. To me, having a parent move in is a natural progression. My husband however, has made it clear that he does not want his mother to live with us at any time (he is an only child). Early on in our marriage, his mother moved from the southwestern part of the US to the east coast to be closer to our family. When we were sent overseas, she stayed stateside and decided after years in a professional field, to return to school to study computer graphics and design. While we supported her choice, we made it clear to her that we were not in aposition to help her financially and that there was no option for her to move in with us. My husband also made it clear that he did not feel she would ever be able to move in with us, even as she got older, because of the ongoing drama she brought to life (she is manic depressive and refuses to stay on her meds) and because we had a special needs child. The conversation did not go well, but it had to be done. You and your husband will need to sit down with his mother and firmly tell her that while you love her and you have no issue with her moving closer if that is what she chooses, that moving in with you is not now, nor will ever be an option. State it that directly. She will no doubt be upset and I can not promise that your husband's relationship with her will continue as before, but if you both feel that strongly about the situation, than you have to handle it that strongly.
2007-04-13 02:07:38 · answer #3 · answered by Annie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oy. That's a pain. I think it'll be tough but you should stick to your boundaries, especially if you value your marriage. MIL's have a tendency to... well.. come in like a tornado and destroy all that's in their path. It sounds like she's already prone to theatrics and that's probably not something you want to invite into your life. Maybe you can compromise, help her find somewhere close and affordable. Retirement villages aren't bad at all.. my grandma is in one and LOVES it. It just depends on whether you can find the right match. If she absolutely doesn't want to be in that situation then maybe it's just a matter of finding the right neighborhood/living situation for her. I think it's important to be understanding and support her desire to move CLOSE to you, but not in with you.
2007-04-13 02:32:05 · answer #4 · answered by cleo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband are partners your battle is already won since you two are on the same page.
What others do is their choice, you have the right to yours and living your marriage as the 2 of U choose.You two must establish boundaries for your ineraction with all other family members, and not feel guilt in expressing them lovingly.
Simply tell her you do not intend to invite your extended relatives to " live your marriage " with you.
2007-04-13 02:59:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. This very thing could destroy your marriage. Do you really want this kind of drama in your life as well as the stress of not having your husband around? Get a cheaper apartment - it will be worth it in the long run.
2007-04-13 02:15:19 · answer #6 · answered by DAR76 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, in that case, you could always tell her you tried and just couldn't find a place within your price range big enough for her to move in. After the fact, of course. Good luck. I know what you are going through with the Mother-in-law.
2007-04-13 01:58:07 · answer #7 · answered by teashy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
just be honest and tell her she cannot move in and you cannot
afford to buy a bigger home. suggest assisted living apartments they have plenty of activities for older people. If this not what you want your marriage will not last. It might cause a problem but she will get over it.
2007-04-13 02:02:10 · answer #8 · answered by linda a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you'll just have to tell her no. you two are finally going to have time to be together now that he is no longer on active duty. this is your time. she can be as dramatic as she likes but it won't work. her drama is her way of getting what she wants. she can get a smaller place of her own. what does she need with a big place anyway if it's only her? no matter what, you're going to have issues with her. you might as well save your sanity. best of luck with this.
2007-04-13 02:11:02 · answer #9 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him can you nursing mother at home? It's hard like take care of a new born baby. His mother is going to get very older and will need adult pumpers, and need nursing bed, wheel chair and your husband will stick with her all 24/ 7.
He will take her to bathroom, and wash her everyday, cook for her. change her clothes and pumpers, take her to doctors, change her sheets, do landry .
Can he lose job for take care of her?
You don't have to take care of mother in law but Him only child for his mother, he will have to take care. That's his job.
2007-04-13 02:18:28 · answer #10 · answered by foxxmay2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋