Guyz do you think cheaters can stop/change or is it a kind of disease. Am asking these cuz i still love her and i would very much like my daughter to grow up in a family of both father and mother. Even though am still hurting something in me tells me thats she can change and maybe still live together as wife and husband. Maybe am confused, maybe i need time, i really i am in a mess, life is no longer the way it was. But why did it have to happen when i had so much plan for both of us. Maybe the devil didn't want us living together. Should i give her a third time chance, for the sake of the feelings and the baby. Can love feelings over betrayal. Will she ever respect me again???????????
2007-04-12 23:52:01 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Chaskfra thanks for your answer, you see she always say that she loves me, and to Jon S these is the second time she has cheated on me, the first one was after an argument that ended in a fight.
2007-04-13 00:41:38 · update #1
People can change, I firmly believe that, but they have to want to change. And want it enough that they realize they can't do it on their own and seek professional help. (And since it sounds like you might be religious, some spiritual help as well)
Adultry can be forgiven. And whether you stay with her or not, it should be, since holding on to the pain will only hurt you and your daughter.
I am not an advocate of divorce, divorce is ugly, especially when children are involved. And you are right, it is generally better for children to grow up in two parent homes.
But what are you teaching your daughter by staying? If your wife really does want to change, and get the help she, and you, need, then you are teaching your daughter forgiveness, which is a lesson I believe this world needs much more of.
But if your wife doesn't want to change, (and since its already happened twice it kind of looks this way unfortunately) then all you are teaching your daughter is that cheating is acceptable, that marriage can be taken that lightly, commitments can be broken, and that its okay to be walked over and taken advantage of.
Sometimes its harder to let go of your dreams and plans than it is your spouse. But its also possible to create new plans and dreams.
You just need to evaluate what is really important to you and decide what you are willing to sacrifice to get it. You know the situation and players involved much better than anyone here does. We're just going on your one paragraph life summary. Does your wife want to change? Is she capable of changing? Are you being honest with yourself? Is your wife and your current dreams worth staying there, hoping she'll change? Or are your dreams of giving your daughter more than that worth taking the chance of ending it to find your own happiness on your own, or with someone who will stay true to you?
Your decision. And I wish you the best of luck since neither path is an easy road.
2007-04-16 05:11:07 · answer #1 · answered by Ally J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said third chance, not second chance. Has she cheated before?
It's possible to save things in some cases (though if this is the second time she's cheated the odds are dramatically against you) but the person who cheated has to be completely repentant about the damage they've done and the hurt and devastation they've caused and 100% willing to rebuild the relationship and rebuild trust no matter how long it takes. If she's playing the blame game or making out like it's no big deal then she hasn't learned a thing and probably will just repeat this again.
Your heart is in the right place and it's noble of you to try to repair things and be willing to forgive her to save the marriage (especially for the sake of your daughter) but realize you cannot repent 'for her'. She has to be willing - and more than that she has to *do it* - for however long it takes.
Will she ever respect you again? As far as your question goes, you have done nothing that you should be ashamed of. Respect yourself, and don't worry whether someone who is in the wrong respects you or not.
Can people change? Absolutely. I'm a firm believer that hearts can change.
But don't blind yourself if she isn't changing or isn't willing to change. And while forgiveness is always a good thing it does not equal forgetting and acting like it never happened.
I feel badly for your situation and I hope and pray things are able to turn around and someday your marriage is repaired and you actually can get to the point where you both can leave this terrible betrayal behind you. But in the meantime please don't blind yourself or disrespect yourself.
Best of luck to you and God bless.
2007-04-13 07:03:08 · answer #2 · answered by Jon S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you can give someone who cheated once a second chance. If they cheat again, I do not think the person will change. (If they say they can, they better show me they are making arrangements to go to counseling - as a couple and by themselves.)
Take it from me, it is better to live in a split home than in a home with two parents in an unhappy marriage. And make sure you tell the kid OVER and OVER again it is NOT their fault and never could be.
2007-04-13 23:22:01 · answer #3 · answered by Tina Goody-Two-Shoes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently she doesn't love you so you can't force it. For your daughter's sake, it's sometimes better to be from a broken home than to live in one. Give her the best life she can have and she'll thank you for it, trust me.
2007-04-13 07:00:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋