Would you take your moms side?

Question

ok well my parents are divorced and my dad has a new wife and she is going to be pregnant. my mom has me and my 2 other brothers, but my older brother does not go to my dads house. now, to the question. my mom thinks that now that my dad it going to have a new child my dad will forget us, so she is mad at my dads wife for that. now one day they both got into an argument and we all were watching and my mom got mad that we didnt stick up for her, much less anybody in the arguement. so she tells me to curse out my dads new wife. now the question is, should i do it? i mean, it was their argument, and she is a really nice person and im the type of person that does not like to hurt anybody, but i also listen to my mom. and when i said no i will not do that she got mad and hit me and to me that i am going to tell her. should i? i dont know what to do!!! and if you have an answer then can you at least write why?? thanks it is sooo appreciated.

also i didnt mention but my dad does not really treat me with respect, and i give him lots of it. also i hate my dads house(thats another reason), and i dont really get along with my dads family. on the other hand i get along with my moms side very well. my dad has said that if i want to live there i can, but if i do take my moms side and then i decide to live there, now what? you know what im saying? i just dont know what to do.

also my dad has been showing signs of lack of interest in me and my brother. like before, when my dad had just us, he would take us out every time we saw him. now he is not even caring. for example, i had passed kidney stones on my dads weekend and he did not care!! all he cared about was th wife and baby. so my mom had to go and pick me up, and she lives far away.

ok and i guess this matters but i am 14

Answer 1

Sorry to hear about this tough situation.

Your mom and dad should not be fighting in front of you, even though I understand their emotions are running high right now... this is the number 1 most important rule for parents and they are breaking it.

Your mom is acting like a bully to you and she needs to stop. Basically, she wants you to hurt your dad for her -fight her fight.

This is wrong.

I don't know how old you are so I can't tell you how to deal with it except be honest with your mom and tell her how much it hurts you when she makes you choose between her and your dad.

After the new baby, your dad will be there for you the same as he is now -trust me.

Even mom's and dad's make mistakes -I wish your mom and dad could see how foolish this argument looks.

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OK, now that you have given more details, it helps a little...

Again, sorry that you have to be in the middle of all that. I grew up only with my mom because my dad had drug/alcohol and mental problems, but I wanted a dad really bad. So I know that family stuff is tough to deal with.

When emotions run high and feelings get hurt, sometimes people do stupid things. Right now, both your mom and dad are using you as a pawn in their tit-for-tat game of who is a better parent.

It is too bad, but you have to be the man right now and set your parents straight...

You need to tell it to them exactly like you did here. Either separately or get them together for a 'family meeting' because they need to hear it from you in your own words. Cry if you can, because I know you probably want to. Tell them to stop putting you in the middle, you will not choose sides.

If you feel left out by your dad, tell him so. He may not even know he is making you feel that way and he has a lot going on right now -give him a chance to fix it.

It does not matter who is right or if all this is only in your imagination...all that matters is how YOU feel about it and it is your mom and dad's JOB to take care of your feelings, that's it.

Answer 2

ok well my parents are divorced and my dad has a new wife and she is going to be pregnant. my mom has me and my 2 other brothers, but my older brother does not go to my dads house. now, to the question. my mom thinks that now that my dad it going to have a new child my dad will forget us, so she is mad at my dads wife for that. now one day they both got into an argument and we all were watching and my mom got mad that we didnt stick up for her, much less anybody in the arguement. so she tells me to curse out my dads new wife. now the question is, should i do it?NO . NOT AT ALLL.


mean, it was their argument, and she is a really nice person

THIS IS ONE GOOD REASON WHY YOU SHOUD NOT HURT HER ,THE OTHER LADY OF YOUR FATHER.

and im the type of person that does not like to hurt anybody,
AGAIN YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON.THEN WHY YOU WANT TO HER HER FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR MOTHER,WHEN SHE IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF RIGHT?

but i also listen to my mom.

LISTEN FOR GOOD AND RIGHT THINGS ONLY,EVEN TO YOUR OWN MOTHER.
and when i said no i will not do that she got mad and hit me and to me that i am going to tell her. should i? i dont know what to do!!!
TAKE YOUR MOTHER FOR COUNSELLING.
and if you have an answer then can you at least write why?? thanks it is sooo appreciated.

Answer 3

The real issue here is one of boundaries.
Your Mom is disrespecting your personal boundary with your Dad by asking you to take up her offense and bring it into the relationship with him & his new wife.
By refusing to do so, you are maintaining a healthy boundary line-the best thing you can do for everyone in the situation.
That is some admirable maturity and wisdom on your part.
Parents aren't perfect, and her judgment here is certainly colored by her pain.
If you are not already doing so, find a qualified counselor to support you through this.
You can get a great local referral, literally from the guys who wrote the book "Boundaries" (Cloud and Townsend) by calling 1-800- NEW-LIFE.
Seek the wisdom in the Bible, especially in the book called Proverbs, pray for the people & the situation, and take care of these other things. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and are on the right track. Just keep taking the next right step, with support, and it will work out as best as possible.
Bessings on you, and I'm saying a prayer for your family tonight.

Answer 4

Don't do it. If you like your dad's new wife then i don't see why you have to treat her badly. You don't want to be that way with her either. Your mom is at fault here. She is obviously still trying to deal with your dad's new life but she doesn't have to take it out on his new wife. She doesn't know for a fact that your father will ignore you with a new baby in his life. If your father truly cared for you and your sisters/brothers then he wouldn't push you out of his life because his wife had a baby. It's a little difficult telling you to not listen to your mother because she became abusive with you but that just proves my point, she is handling the situation the wrong way. Maybe you can try talking to your dad? He might be able to talk to your mom and sort things out with her and reassure her that he will still be involved in your lives. To be honest it most likely has nothing to do with your father ignoring his children but the fact that your mom cant accept his new wife and their future child. She's jelous and she needs to get over it and move on with her life.

Answer 5

Once that baby comes along and cries all the time he will be happy to have an excuse to get away from that kid. Right now he is acting all proud that his sperm are still working.

Do not feel you have to choose any sides. Your parents got a divorce from each other. You did not get a divorce from anyone.

Next time if he does not come to your aid in a medical emergency just call your mom and she will come and get you. (Most men don't know what to do when kid is sick, don't take it personal)

Let your siblings handle this situation themselves. Don't tell them what to do, only explain why you are doing what they are doing.

Do not allow your mother to hit you. Tell her it is not lady like.

Answer 6

Parents should not involve their kids in their arguments in any way, whether it be with the ex's new spouse or with the neighbor down the road. She shouldn't have brought you in the middle of it. It sounds like both of your parents are being somewhat selfish and childish. Do not curse at your step-mother it will only aliannate your father more. Your parents are adults they need to act like it.

That being said, their behavior is affecting you. You can not change how they are living your life, but you can better prepare yourself for the fallout from their choices. Seek counselling. If you are not comfortable with going to your parents and asking them to get you into counselling, then talk to the counselor at school, or your minister at church

Good luck young man, it sounds like you have a level head, too bad your folks don't.

Answer 7

It sounds like your dad has gone on with his life and your mom has not quite emotionally gone on with her life. My suggestion is listen to your heart. You don't want to be mean to your dad's wife. Tell your mom you love her and that she's your only mom forever. She needs that reassurance often because she feels everyone is against her right now. Explain you don't want to hurt anyone. Pick her some flowers or some other gift. Good Luck

Answer 8

1) your dad will never for get about you just because his new wife is haveing a baby u and your 2 brothers would be the babys half brothers.
2) you mum was arguing with your dad and his new wife.......just because you mum doesnt like your dads new wife doesnt mean you have to feel the same way as you mum feels about her
3)your mother souldnt put you kids in there argument it is hard when you are put in the middle of everything between your mum and dad and his new wife
4) no you souldnt say any mean words to your dads wife and your mother souldnt be telling you or your brothers to do that what you mom is doing hiting you because you said no to her because she wants you to hate your dads wife like she does that is wrong of her to do that
5) you and your brothers should know from right and wrong ......just tell your mum how you feel ........i hope i have helped if you need someone to talk to u can talk to me

Answer 9

I can see where your mom is coming from but you did the right thing. Parents shouldn't stick their kids in the middle of stuff like this. She is just very angry and frustrated and is taking it out on you. After all.. if she is complaining about him forgetting you guys then fighting with him isn't going to solve that is it? You want to maintain a good relationship with both of them. Besides they will need and want a babysitter! LOL
But try to keep in mind that its hard for her to look after all of you on her own. It is not easy at all financially or emotionally. good luck. dont be too hard on her. Tell her you love her but that you cannot get involved.

Answer 10

Your mother is acting very immaturely. First of all, she can't know that your father will forget all about his kids from his first marriage, once he has another child with his second wife. And secondly, as you rightly said, your mother was having an argument with your father's new wife, she should fight her own battles. For her to drag you kids into her issues is beyond tacky and childish. I know you love your mom, but tell her, gently but firmly, that you won't be put in the middle.