Can a cheating spouse be forgiven?

Question

I found out my husband was cheating on me recently. It wasn't physical cheating, but emotional. Does it make it less "evil" (for lack of a better word)? Is it easier to forgive him for emotional cheating that physical?

His "emotional cheating" consisted of have very graphic conversations with a woman friend of his about them having sex together, although they've never physically done the deed...if that makes a difference.

Answer 1

Betrayal is betrayal. Whether it was sexual, emotional, financial, whatever, it still means that your partner sought external company and betrayed your trust. That said, all that matters is how YOU feel about it. How do YOU rate this event on the 'betrayal of trust scale'?! If it's something that can be worked on, talked through, and resolved, then I'd say he could be forgiven. It all depends on you and him.

Answer 2

Ok, what in the world is "emotional cheating"? Really, I don't ask that to be harsh, I just really really don't understand what that would be. He is having an affair with anger? He enjoys long moonlit walks with fear?

Either he cheated or he didn't cheat. If he didn't cheat with someone but was simply emotionally distant with you, well that's not good but it is repairable and just means the two of you need to pay more attention to each other.

If you mean he cheated with someone else and had an affair but didn't technically have intercourse, well that's still cheating and still hurtful.

And to answer your question, yes you can forgive infidelity. You can even save your marriage and return to a state of wedded bliss where both of you are happy. But forgiveness doesn't always equal 'forget and act like it never happened'. It requires that the spouse who cheated recognizes the great damage he or she has done, is truly repentant, and willing to work to re-establish trust in the relationship. Otherwise you may not be able to save your marriage.

But even if you end up sundering your marriage, remember that at some point in the future, a healthy person will forgive. Forgiveness is better for the forgiver than for the person being forgiven. I really believe that if you don't forgive something, you are simply holding onto pain, anger and resentment (and none of those things every made anyone happy).

Answer 3

My wife cheated on me a year ago, and I haven't left her because I feel I made a commitment not just to her, but to God and our kids. She confessed to me about it and got some counseling. I think I forgave her, and am still trying to rebuild the trust. The hard thing recently is that she tosses aside my faithfulness like trash. She doesn't care that I've been faithful and would be fine with me cheating. I think she is still avoiding some guilty feelings, and hasn't faced up to everything she's done. I hope she can figure things out before we have to end it. I've heard it can be done, and marriages can supposedly be stronger. In my experience, it's been a hard road so far. I've heard divorce is awful too, especially with kids. I think the answer really depends on the situation and where each spouse is at, and what they choose going forward.

Answer 4

why does everyone yearn for Drama? Look for,pick at,dig 4, something to argue about.
When using the phrase "emotionally cheating"...I am sensing that you mean although your spouse shows signs that he would like to cheat...thinks about it...he still does NOT physical cheat. BUT what if he does decide to cheat? Constant torment of what if todays the day that he decides he would like to physically cheat.
Instead of picking at(bitching about)all the worthless, pathetic, lazy guys encouragement, and positiveness is in???

Answer 5

Upfront, this is tough to answer. Is it less "evil?" Do you feel betrayed? If the answer is yes then it is just as evil.

Is it easier to forgive him? That is up to you. Some forgive easily and others hardly at all. I don't want to give you my opinion because I don't want to influence the way you feel. You feel the way you do. Some comments make stoke the fires and others may cool them. I want to do neither. You need to take an honest assessment of how you feel and then decide.

Can you forgive him? Yes, but forgiveness is hard. Accepting an apology is different then forgiveness. Forgiveness means that the 2 of you can move on in your relationship with that to not be brought up again. It can't keep coming up. It has to be dealt with finality.

Answer 6

Emotional cheating is how it starts.
My husband had several episodes of emotional (non physical ) cheating before he finally physically cheated.
I stupidly ignored the warning signs like you and thought they were harmless flirting etc.. (he signed up for flifting and chat sites)..and If I hadnt I might have been able to change the reasons in our marriage where he felt that he needed connection from other women. Luckily it was only when he actually cheated that He realised that it wasnt what he wanted and we both started putting our marriage first... Please use this incident as a starting point to reassess your marriage together through the use of taling, communicating in whatever way you can, ideally through councelling and you might find that you can strengthen the relationship before if falls apart. He obviously had a need to speak with this woman, if only because it was something he knew he shouldnt be doing and was getting a kick out of the excitement of it all.. find out what you BOTH need tho, he needs to please you not just you please him... best of luck... and I promise the pain you are feeling will go away, try not to let it consume you.
( I was working long hours and very much withdrew myself from him in every way but sex).

Answer 7

Hi Megan, I am intrigued with your question and it is a bit philosophical---the answer lies within you and you alone. Forgiving a cheater takes a lot of courage and trust that it won't happen again---which means working on the issues that may have brought it on. First--you say it was emotional----is that completely true or a story to soften the blow of getting caught??Emotionally doing what to who?? Well if that is true, it still bothered you...so what ever it entailed, it was not proper in your eyes. So next I ask, is this the first time or just the first time the person actually got caught--I mean an emotional attachment between 2 people does not happen in just one or two days--this had to be going on for a bit of time. That means the cheater had to make up some stories or cover his tracks a number of times. Once he found the attachment, he had the chance to see it was wrong and it was risky--which means he had the opportunity to END it. Which he didn't do--or he said he did because he knew he got caught. Who and where is this other person that needed to provide him emotional comfort or stimulation that you weren't being given the chance to provide him. Is he saying you are not capable of being an emotional support to him??Where is this person going to move to so he cannot have contact with her again---I take it that he will keep the phone number in his cell phone or in his memory or his wallet. Is she going to be far enough away to never be contacted by him again?? Not even to explain that he was caught by his wife?? If she stays in the area you know she will ride by occasionally to see if she can get a glimpse of him--right under your nose--like laughing at you because you will never know. Do you know what kind of car she drives?? Will his quick trip to the store for milk or bread be a real trip or an excuse to be out alone??
Well I hope I have given you enough to think about here---I mean a cheat is doing that stuff from an inability to commit and for other reasons like low self esteem, no self confidence, no respect, no dignity, not much concern for any of the people involved in this whole entire mess. I kind of feel that the cheat is only sorry for getting caught--even if it is ONLY emotional--which would have naturally led to physical activity---I mean no one does anything without a reason...I think you know what the ultimate reason was !! Do you think that the trust will ever really return?? I doubt it. You will always remember the hurt and the shock from this--no one forgets that low feeling that they get when they find out. You know you will always wonder about the true story about what was going on. And who else knew or saw them and never said anything to you ?? I mean they know what was happening. Are you REALLY capable of getting past all of this?? Apologies and begging are usually to avoid a costly divorce and alimony and support settlement--kind of like getting out of jail for free in Monopoly.
The ball is in your court---oops--let me remind you of the diseases that come from liasons with dirty people--make sure for you own sanity and health that he gets a blood test that you can actually see the results of. It could ruin an already dirty situation---and I mean ruined for ever physically. You just never know. It is your choice--good luck

Answer 8

Yes, I think it's easier to forgive emotional cheating because most of us all are guilty of that at some point in time.

Answer 9

I've never been married or anything but I would think that since it was only emotional then you can forgive him. It's probably just a sign that you guys are lacking communication. Wish you the best!

Answer 10

It starts with a scenario like this then eventually progresses with sexual encounters, and whether its talking dirty to another female or doing the deed its cheating.... there is no reason your husband should be talking to any female like that but you... its a red flag with him and I think its time to sit and talk and find what the problem is.... and its up to you to decide to forgive and forget and he will have to earn your trust back...

Answer 11

It all depends upon you. Cheating is cheating, emotional or physical. You have to ask yourself are you willing to truly forgive him, and move on with your lives? Will you be able to trust him in the future to not do this again?