i had a full historectomy and now i don't have the feeling to have sex with my husband and it is really make us fight please help
2007-04-12 19:57:31 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to see your gynecologist about any options you have that may be able to help you out. You want to get back to being intimate with your husband, we all need that intimacy.
2007-04-12 23:30:49 · answer #1 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the medical ramifications or how long ago the historectomy was. You should definitely see a doctor about this in case it's completely medical and treatable that way.
Does it actively physically hurt you to have sex, or is it something you are just sort of 'neutral' about and have no desire to do it, derive no pleasure from it, and don't really want to do it?
Either way this is bad news for your marriage, so hopefully a little medical advice from an expert can help.
Remember that your husband deserves to feel loved to, and sex is an important way to show that love and bond the two of you together. If it is physically painful for you or has the the ability to hurt you, then obviously your body is telling you to refrain, but if it's simply a question of desire and feeling neutral...
Let's see how to put it... I hate planting stuff and have no appreciation for gardening whatsoever. But if the woman I love most in the world told me she felt loved and cared about when I gardened with her, better believe that I'd be out in the dirt with her helping her to garden. Why? Because I care about her and want her to feel loved. I don't understand why some women like flowers so much, I don't hate them but they do nothing for me. But if a woman I loved told me she best felt loved and appreciated from me not by words but by sometimes recieving flowers and little notes - you'd better believe I'd be writing notes and sending flowers. Again, because this is the woman I love, and I want to do whatever I can to help her feel joy and to feel loved.
Now take that back to your husband, and remember that sex is a very very important way that men feel loved, appreciated, and taken care of by the women they love. If this is simply a case of 'well I don't really have any desire for sex anymore' and not a case of 'it hurts or is painful or not a good idea medically', then it's time to put your apathy for sex aside and do your best to take care of your husband. And also see some medical experts/therapists for help in getting back your sex drive too, because both of you deserve to enjoy the bonding intimacy that sex should be in marriage.
Good luck
Edit: Loved Victor V's answer, that is totally on. And Amanda is a very wise and mature woman to come to that realization (unpopular as it will among man-hating feminists)
2007-04-13 03:13:32 · answer #2 · answered by Jon S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your loss of sex drive, and whether that's biological of psychological, you should seek help with that.
However, (and please forgive my bluntness here) It's not about you!
A marriage is all about being selfless, it requires sacrifice, and service to your spouse. It requires helping one another, and being there for one another.
Sex is a beautiful thing, and it was meant to give us pleasure. But it was also meant as a way to bring two people closer together, a way for a husband and wife to set aside their own needs to focus on pleasing each other, and then both benefiting from doing so.
I'm not saying you have to give in every time he wants a little action, but certainly there are ways you can compromise a bit here. Talk to him about frequency, how often does he need it vs. how often are you willing to give it to him, then as long as he's getting it at least so often, then there shouldn't be reason to fight because its what you agreed upon.
Honestly, which is worse, to be fighting with your husband all the time because you aren't in the mood? Or biting the bullet and doing it mood or not simply because you love him and want to make sure he feels that love from you?
And who knows? It quite possibly could be that once you start....you'll find your mood. And if not, then get some lube, get some toys, get creative, there are definitely ways to please your man that way, without going there, if you know what I mean.
2007-04-16 13:56:56 · answer #3 · answered by Ally J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow - I'm sorry you had to go thru that.
I don't know how long it's been since surgery, so I don't want to comment about the time it takes to recover. You've had a tremendous emotional and physical experience that has obviously taken a great toll on you and your marriage.
Someone will probably also offer the solution that there are alternatives to vaginal intercourse - if that's the issue. I would recommend seeing a professional therapist and not seeking any specific advice from thiis type of forum.
Again - I'm very sorry
2007-04-13 03:05:07 · answer #4 · answered by Robert C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know my answer will probably not be very popular but nevertheless here it is...
I've been in this situation before. Not a hysterectomy but I was taking a medication that took away my sex drive completely. Even though I wasn't really into it I did still want my husband to be happy...He didn't pressure me but it was causing problems in the beginning...which is understandable...so I invested in a bottle of personal lubricant and entertained him. He and I discussed this in advance and he knew that I wasn't doing this for myself...he was very sweet about it and didn't expect me to really "get into it."
So he was happy...and I was happy to serve...I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I feel for you especially being in the position before...but sometimes we women just have to do what we have to do...and I felt better about keeping my husband happy :)
2007-04-13 03:12:54 · answer #5 · answered by just me 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
is it with just your hubby in general?? Do u still get turned on or feel the need to touch?
Certainly that would be very traumatic to go through. My heart goes out to u.
Could a little spice bring that spark back perhaps?? try things u two never tried before?? Kink it up a level or two??
2007-04-13 03:04:39 · answer #6 · answered by Bear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have heard a comparison to how a man feels about sex, and it's like this. Think of your husband coming home so exited that he won the lottery and can't wait to tell you. When he walks in the door, he says honey i have something very important to tell you while he is breaking out in a sweat, and you say maybe later. That is about how a man feels about that.
If you love him you will consult a doctor, if not it can destroy a relationship. At the same time, if he loves you in return he has to understand to a certain degree also.
2007-04-13 03:03:36 · answer #7 · answered by Victor V 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Go ahead and have sex with him any how. In the process, he might make you feel like having sex again with the right stimulation. Just because you had a hysterectomy, doesn't mean he has lost his desire for sex.
2007-04-13 03:14:56 · answer #8 · answered by starflower 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its to late a historectomy changes the balance.. but you can ask your doctor for female hormonal pills or even viargra for females
2007-04-13 03:02:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
you know you can get help with that and stop the fighting. and have a good life. cz a man has to have it. or he will leave you
2007-04-13 03:03:20 · answer #10 · answered by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋