Advice needed please....issue with wife?

Question

My current wife and I got married, 5 years ago. She's 16
years younger than I. I'm 52. She's 34.
When we we first together, everything was pretty good between us as far as our sex life.
After a few months, my sex drive started dropping due to
health problems and stress at work. The health issues
are not going to get much better, as I have degenerative disc disease in my back.
My wife's sex drive has kept increasing. I've read that women don't reach their sexual peak until age 40 or so.
I know our lack of sexual activity is upsetting my wife a great deal. She feels rejected by me and hurt. She has told me this many times.
I love her a lot and I try my best to show her that. But, our relationship still feels strained, at best.
Is there anything I can do to help her deal with this? Ideas would be appreciated . Thanks

Viagra is not an option for me , unfortunately. My doctor says it won't mix with my other meds. I already asked.
My wife has very low self esteem, stemming from the guy she was with b4
me. He married her because her parents were well off. He was pretty abusive emotionally and physically.
He even went so far as to tell her she had to lose weight for him to have sex with her. She never lost enough weight to suit him.
I think the above might be part of the problem. now. I'm not sure, though.

Answer 1

You do know there are other ways to please your wife. It may not be the way she would want it, but to hold your marriage together try all things. As long as your trying she may be okay with it. I would have loved for my ex to try and please me in other ways, to me it does show you are loved. If you two are talking this out it might take some of the strain off. You must feel bad knowing you want to please her and can't. She has to know if you could you would. Try to keep your marriage together because by the way you have wrote you love her very much. She has to feel lucky knowing that. Some women have strong sex drives, but it doesn;t mean we can;t try other things in a marriage. If your showing her love than you two can work through this.

Answer 2

My husband and I have much the same problem. We are the same ages, too, as you and your wife. We've been married 5 and a half years.
I have a sex drive that is much greater than his. He's content with once a month, maybe, if I'm lucky. He swears he loves me and that it's not me and that i should stop being such a nympho and deal with it.
He blames his health problems and stress at work and over bills, too. Deep down I think thats a lot of BS, because I feel that if he still wanted me physically, then other forms of sexual activity would still be an option. He doesn't even seem interested in those. He says oral sex is disgusting when it comes to him performing it on me. He enjoys getting it though.
(Which I won't do, since there is nothing in it for me.)
He's too old fashioned and conservative for the toy issue.
I bought one. He threw it in the trash.
He tells me he loves me and buys me stuff like jewelry and
flowers. But, he doesn't kiss me like a lover, but more like a friend.
At first, I used to cry myself to sleep at night. Not that he noticed. Then I got over being sad and got mad.
I started thinking about cheating. It wasn't to long after that, I met a nice guy online and had a cyber affair.
It might have gone further than that, but my husband found out about it.
I guess it made him smarten up some, because we had a long talk about how I was feeling and about what was going on with him and us. He really listened.
Little by little, things have started to change. We still don't have sex, but he's more understanding and tender.
Hope this helps.

Answer 3

there is plenty tht u can do to atch her sex drive without having sex with her im assuming that u still hav hand and a mouth do u not
and you can always invest in toys and movies and still have a lot of fun im sure she will appreciate the thought if u focus on playing around with her
dont let age become a problem i am assuming that u want to do anything to make this work hence the reason u asked the question in the first place so im gonna say for starters go and invest in a vibrater u dont need a big one just a decent size and trust my she will b thinakin u later
good luck

Answer 4

I'm sorry that you are having these problems, but when you marry someone much younger than yourself you should expect there to be some problems. Can't you find some position that would not put so much stress on your back when you have sex. And can you spell V-I-A-G-R-A for your waning sex drive. It also sounds like your wife is not very sympathetic about you back problems. Maybe you both need to talk to a doctor, together, and let him explain how you might still have a satisfactory sex life or tell her why your degenerated discs might make you unable to have one. If that doesn't work, it doesn't bode well for the relationship. Like I said your problems are not that uncommon in relationships with big age differences.

Answer 5

I am 28 an very active myself, if I get my pek at 40 I will be a nymphomaniac since I am borderlining it now! However, even though she knows your health problems it is normal for her to feel it is her fault to an extent. A woman wants to feel like she can turn a guy on no matter what!! I suggest oral sex and toys. Make sex all about her, make her a queen. I am sure there are ways to maneuver to get her what she needs even with your health issues. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor for advice as well... incase you can't be in a certain position for too long.

Answer 6

Well, i have the same medical problems you have. It does affect the sex. But what I am gonna tell you may make you think im a little retarded but, try some toys, like lay in bed together and experiment. Nothing wrong with trying new things. There are all kinds of different items you can get online. That way your back wont hurt so much and you will make your wife a happy woman. Trust me, I know...lol :)

Answer 7

Age differences can be very difficult...especially as the years keep passing and one becomes a "senior". A younger spouse is still vibrant and wants to live out their youth. The whole thing turns out to be unfair to both people. We just don't think of these things in the earlier stages. We run with our emotions.

Your wife needs to be encouraged to have fun with her gal friends. go out to lunch, take some classes, pick up a hobby, she needs to know that she is free to just have fun.

There are many books on the subject of how to please a woman (younger or older). Educate yourself! Stay fit, look good...show her affection, hold her, plan fun times together...be creative.

Women are emotional and thrive on attention and affection. Most men don't give enough of these things. Shower her with your attention...once again, be creative! Good, sweet men, are hard to come by. She knows this.

Answer 8

Try some toys with her and experiment as for the doc goes maybe you should ask him what you should do that will help your sex life also ask the doctor if these meds your on is affecting your drive which could be the case.

Answer 9

Two years ago, when I was 54, my girlfriend (27) moved in. She's still here, but it hasn't been the sex life that's made it work. Sex never makes it work, in the long run.

You're together in sickness and health. Unless you are rejecting her in some way, she shouldn't feel rejected. Frustrated, maybe, but not rejected. Just be honest with yourself and be sure she isn't really reading something you are sending on some other level. Honesty, man: it's real, and it's brutal.

Answer 10

The only thing you mention is degenerative disc disease...I've had it since my 20s and it hasn't been a problem sex wise for me and I'm 53.