Been married for 4 months. Fighting all the time. What should we do?

Question

My husband and I have been married 4 months. We were engaged year and a half and lived together. In total we dated five years before getting married. So ever since we got married we fight a lot about my family, his family, my weight. He says a lot of mean things about me and my family when he's mad at me, he also threatens me with divorce. He always does apoligize. What should I do? Don't want to get divorced.

Answer 1

be nice be nice be nice!!!
If you are nice to him (even when he is being "mean" to you) he will start being nice to you. You need to make him feel important and loved. If you are gaining a lot of weight it is probably freaking him out. Tell him what you are going to do about it and do it. Be consistent so that he knows you are working on it. Make him the most important person in your life and your family second.
Men are pretty simple, they just want to be loved and cared for.
It takes two to tango, so the minute the "arguing" starts, just think of positive loving and supportive things to say back..he won't continue to be mean or argue if you do this.
good luck, a good marriage takes work, it doesn't come easy.

Answer 2

The first year of marriage is the toughest. And even though you have been together for five years and also lived together, the relationship took on a higher, more serious note when you got married. Now it's the actual performance, no longer the dress rehearsal, and you both want and expect it to be perfect. But the fact of the matter is, there will be mistakes and missteps--and you need to be patient, understanding, and forgiving with each other.

Try to sit down together and calmly discuss everything that's going on. Establish a fair way of arguing or disagreeing so that you can discuss the issues and not attack each other. Some suggestions: no yelling or screaming, no attacking each other, no name calling, no cursing, and no divorce threats. Your discussions should always be about the topic at hand. And once it's been discussed and resolved, it shouldn't be brought up again.

There are many books on the market you can buy to help you better understand and deal with marital disagreements. So long as you two have chemistry, compatibility, and a commitment to the relationship, you'll get through the tough times. Years to come, you'll look back and laugh about all this.

Answer 3

I've been married 5 yrs now, together 7 yrs. My husband and I fought the most in the first years. From my experience it gets better. There are so many ups and downs. One day is just perfect, the next I'm ready to go nuts. I guess that's marriage. One thing I have learned is.....the saying hurtful things you don't mean is the worst you can do. You never forget the words. But I think it happens to us all. Sit down and talk about how the words have to stop....he can't say he wants to walk out every time things get bad. Tell him....you are either in or out. Marriage takes work. It's not 50/50 it's 100/100. No matter what, there will be bad days. My favorite saying that I always tell myself....The grass is not greener on the other side....it's only green where you water it!
Good luck!

Answer 4

You Poor Thing!! Been There. Done That. It Sucked.
It sounds as if you had no problems with the in-laws when you were just living together, right? Get as far away from the troubling relatives as you can. The other side of the world would be perfect. At least get an answering machine to screen calls and learn that you own both sides of your front door when they come over unexpected.

You Hell has only just begun so nip this in the bud right now.
Your husband is probably not doing his job controlling his family and keeping them out of your business. You need to make him choose which side he's on. Now. Don't wait until you have children to get the rules straight.

Then do your part keeping you family out of your affairs also. You can't cry on their shoulder against your husband. Choose. Don't wait until you're too tired to care anymore.

You two need to run your marriage. Feel free to take your lives back and rekindle the love you once had. That's easy for ME to say, but it's not easy. It's just Worth It. @8-)

Answer 5

Holy peace pipe Batman! It's time to make an appointment with the marriage counselor! Here's whatcha do... 1) Call a truce on the hostilities, 2) Get on the phone to a qualified and neutral couples counselor (not a friend of a friend of a friend!!), 3) Go to the counselor and listen to them and to each other, and learn how to communicate, 4) Accept that despite your long engagement, maybe getting married wasn't right for the two of you, 5) Be prepared to make serious and long-term adjustments in your lives to accommodate the other person, 6) Go have a romantic dinner at a good restaurant, come home and have happy sex! That's my recommendation, and I'm stickin' with it.

Answer 6

Finghts is a very common thing in a marriage. In the first place, the two of you never have experience in dealing with things TOGETHER. and at times once a couple got marry, they tend to take advantage on each other and also make a lot assumptions which again tend to be simple mater but when emotional kicks in, these unecessary fights will start.

1. Make sure you have a one-to-one talk with him (when he is in the right mood to talk);

2. List down and plan what you want to achieve and expected end result of it;

3. Let him know that you love him and you want to make things right;

4. Seek for compromise and moving forward.

5. Repeat the above in your next after fighthing.

I have been married for 6 years, talked about divorce for 3 times and having a lots fights. But, deep down we love each other and still wanted to be together. Enjoy.

Answer 7

The first year of marriage is very hard because you and your husband are trying to make adjustments with your new life together. You both need to sit down with each other and talk about things. Tell him that you want your marriage to work but, you are upset about the constant fighting. You are tired of him making threats and comments about your weight. When he married you, he knew what you weighed so, this shouldn't be an issue, if you gained weight after your marriage, then he should still love you for who you are. If you are unhappy with your weight, then it is time to do something about it. Tell him you are unhappy and want to find a way to work things out. If he continues to threaten you about ending the marriage, it puts a bigger strain on the marriage. A marriage is between two people and both people need to give 150% to make it work. It's something that has to be worked on everyday. Ask him if there is anything you are doing, that will help you both get along better. Don't nag him but, try to find out if anything is bothering him. If this doesn't work, then maybe try to plan a special dinner for him with candles and try to make it romantic. I think couples who still date each other even though they are married, usually are happier. You may want to try that too. Good luck!

Answer 8

Time to go get some counseling. Sounds as if there's something else bothering him and he's taking it out in other ways. I went through the SAME THING with my 5 year relationship after we got married. Counseling really did help open the communication back between us. I think we would have gotten divorced if we hadn't sought out a 3rd party to mediate for us. We only went for a few months and have been fine since. Good luck to you!

Answer 9

The first year of marriage is the hardest. Obviously you two know each other well so rushing into things isn't a possibility for your problems. Try a romantic getaway to smooth things over. He probably just has a very short temper if he says mean things then apologizes soon after. Kindly recommend anger management classes. If all else fails go to marriage counseling. It helped my parents a ton. They were very close to divorce but now they get along fine. Good luck!

Answer 10

Stop your fighting with one another. If fighting has not fixed your problems, then what is the use of continuing?

Your family is your husband now. Time to stop talking or putting other family in your lives especially when they are just causing problems in your marriage.

I really don't know what to say but do consider on reading, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."

So, if you want to keep your marriage, stop acting like unmarried people and start acting like you are married as husband and wife.