is being a stay at home mom/wife wrong?

Question

My husband works and me & our daughter stay at home all day and keep ourselves occupied.

but i was wondering, do you think this is wrong?
me staying home with our daughter while he goes and works everyday.
Or is it really the mans place to be out working while the woman stays home & holds the fort down?
Cause i feel like i am just being lazy not having a job.
no one wants to hire me, i dont know why though and we are from a small town where there arent too many job opportunities.
i graduated HS & was enrolled in college until a major situation with the family arose. I has a job before but quit to attend college.
my main point is that i feel like a "bum" staying home and not doing anything to help my husband it just feels wrong to me.
is there something wrong with this?

Answer 1

We as a society are conditioned now to expect all women to hold down full-time jobs as well as be mothers.
Firstly, there are no rules. No one has the right to expect you do to do anything. Your child comes first, and if your husband is supportive, then do what you can to be a good and happy mother.
That's it. There's nothing wrong with you and you're not a bum. You're a mother, a housewife and you are important to your family.

Answer 2

My husband works too. I stay at home with one child while our oldest is in kindergarten.

I do not think that this is wrong. Think about the money that you are saving on childcare if both of you were to work. I know that we are saving at least two hundred dollars A WEEK on childcare.

In this day and age, I think that if one parent can stay home with the children, it is good for the child. Not only can you keep them home, you can still teach them things. I home school our littlest one before they attend school in Sept.

As for holding down the fort, it could be you or the man that stays home. You are not being lazy. The job you have at home is taking care of the child, meals, laundry, cleaning. If you think that you are not contributing to the money, take some kids in for babysitting, that way you are home. Of wait until your daughter is old enough then go and get a part time job when she is in school. You are helping your husband with the things around the house. You are doing something I bet alot of people would love to be doing.

Having only one income coming in here, money is tight, but we make due. He works constantly to provide for us, and we all appreciate what he is doing. I am also in university part-time working on my B.A (it is done all on-line, I never have to go to the school, everything is done at home). Maybe start taking some courses on line, one or two a semester. Apply for some financial assistance since there is only one source of income you should qualify for that.

There are many things that you can do while you are a stay-at-home mom. Do not feel like you are lazy. If your husband is supportive of you staying home and taking care of the things in the house, then be happy.

You have a job. It just doesn't pay monetary wise, it has all the love and then some from the people you look after.

Answer 3

Sweetie, if you are making a loving home and a safe environment for your husband and your child...you are not doing nothing. Not all families can afford to have a parent stay home with the children and not all families want to, but if you can and if he and you both agree that the situation is good for your family on the whole, don't feel guilty about it. Enjoy the time you get to spend with your child, and love, encourage and take care of your husband when he gets home to you and your daughter. You are not a bum.


One thing...
Does your husband ask for help? If it is a financial strain, you also could maybe look into caring for someone elses child while you are at home. This would provide a nice playmate for your child, help another family, and maybe bring in a little extra income if it is needed.

If your daughter is old enough, you can always look for a part time job while she is in school. Or maybe you can even take a few classes to head towards a career in the future. Don't feel bad for the opportunity you are given. Embrace it and take advantage of it, by making things as nice and peaceful for everyone as you can.

Answer 4

Let's look at things differently, then...A housekeeper can costs upwards of $25/hr., a nanny, about the same, and usually neither of these positions pick up after you, put your clothes away after washing, or put toys away (save maybe Nanny)...some do not cook, or even do laundry, or yard work, or wash the car, or do the food shopping, and they rarely will touch a window.
A sex surrogate can cost upwards to $300 a visit, and they don't make beds.

So...do you get paid this much to do the jobs you do? If your hubby finds your arrangement fine, so should you...I'm sure he appreciates a nice place to come home to, a healthful dinner, and a clean shower with clean towels, as well as a happy child and partner to greet him upon entry...no worries of the homefront, because you have this under control...yes? This is your part of the partnership. You can always get back into the workforce, or find something to make money from home, once your child is in school full time...and trust me, those pre-years are priceless. Lighten up a bit, be your greatest at whatever it is you are doing, have fun with your child whenever you can, and love this guy for holding up his end of the bargain...Enjoy the life you are creating!!!!

Answer 5

Oh my...so sorry you choose to label yourself a bum. The impact you have on your daughter is countless, that is if you make good use of the time, when you can (not every minute has to be productive...you are also teaching her by example how to be feminine, how to take care of yourself, a home, how to be disciplined enough to get your house in order and hopefully, about God so she knows she is not alone in this world). That being said, if you dont feel fulfilled, as an adult woman, by all means grab a part time job or take some classes. It may just be time to get out and do something new. Our kids change all the time...and if you dont like how things are, just wait, it will change.

Answer 6

There is NOTHING wrong with you staying home and caring for your child and home. As a matter of fact, there is everything right with it. What could be more important than giving your child all the love and care only her mother can give? And having a comfortable home to come home to is invaluable to most husbands.

It is his job to provide. Adam was given the task of working the ground, Eve the task of bearing the children and caring for them. If you want to feel like you're helping your husband more, ask him how you can be a better helpmeet to him. How can you make him more comfortable? Is there anything you can take care of for him from home? (Making phone calls, running errands, etc.)

The reason you feel wrong about it is probably because of the way we were raised as women. Before feminism women were raised with the knowledge that being a mother and homemaker was an extremely important and invaluable job. Now it is devalued in our culture, but that doesn't make it true. It is still more valuable than anything else you could do.

Answer 7

There is nothing wrong with you being a stay at home mom. My wife is a stay at home mom, and she goes to school part time 2 days a week. And honestly I have all the respect in the world for her for doing it. Because she wants to take care of our kids herself instead of putting them in daycare. I personally believe that as the head of my house, it's my responsibility to provide for my family.

I understand that you feel like a bum and not doing anything to help your husband, but in the long run, your helping your family in so many ways, that will pay off big time, not in money, but in love and closeness with your children. Think of it this way, when your kids are older, they will remember you staying home with them. It's something that will stick with them.

Answer 8

I assume you hubby is ok with you being at home.
Why should you feel guilty? you are raising your child for
gods sake. If you can afford to stay home, go for it! Your child will appreciate you. Of course, by staying home I am also assuming you take care of the home, washing shoping etc.
Being a stay at home Mom is a full time job in itself.
You should be proud of yourself for doing what is best for your child. If you do feel lazy or wish to make a few bucks to help out, maybe you could take in some ironing or do some babysitting for a working mom....just a few thoughts anyhow.
Good luck and stop feeling lazy!

Answer 9

No there is nothing wrong with it,,, but I sooooooo know where you are coming form, I am a stay at home mom too, but I have 5 kids 2 in school and 3 at home with me.
A stay at home mom is a job A BIG JOB, you are not giving your self credit. You are giving your child a great thing to be at home with her mother and not paying someone else to raise your child. You are teaching your child wonderful things and one day when she is all grown you will want these days back.

I really have my days of feeling worthless, but then I look at their faces and feel so much better (other times I just want to run away - ha ha just kidding) No one knows HOW hard it is to be a stay at home mom until they have done it, it is hard... give your self more credit! You are working not 9to5 but 24/7. Good Luck!

Answer 10

You didn't mention how old your daughter is, but if she is not at school yet, hell yes, stay at home with her - these are the most precious years with her.
I am a stay at home mum - i have an 18 month old, and yes I feel guilty with my man working all day and we can do with the extra money, but a) I couldn't bear putting my child in day care and b) what I'll earn in a job would just go to daycare fees anyhow ... so wouldn't be worth my time and effort.

Why not find a part time job if you are feeling guilty, a couple hours at a school reception, office cleaning after hours etc .. just so you feel you are putting your 2 cents worth in.