Can people change?

Question

I'm 38. I'm trying to work up the nerve to go and stay in school because that is supposed to be the way to freedom--education. Hard work is the other way...

As I struggle to feel better about myself after the stuff I've been through in my life and try to get the courage to make serious and positive changes, I'm realizing that the same stuff comes up for me. The same fears about being at school, around people... it's like I'm an elementary school kid all over again.

Is it possible for me to change? Or will I always be and feel exactly like I do right now? Looking back, I have tried many things. All which has brought me to this place. I have always been this way: A fearful scared little boy. Anything I have done was a big charade to mask that! Knowing that, it doesn’t make anything easier. Answering my own question, "I guess I just have to keep trying"!!!!

What do you think?

Answer 1

Interesting question. If you experience enough success in life, you will begin to feel much more confident about yourself and your ability to cope in this world. However, given how deep-seated your insecurities are, then you will probably always be prone to a certain amount of self-doubt and excess self-criticism. No matter how great your accomplishments, you may find that you are prone to dwelling on the little failures. Even the slightest setback will nag at you. Perhaps you need to adopt a more stoic attitude, one of "Right or Wrong, Good or Bad, Triumph or Failure, this is is what I will and I will succeed." Perhaps you'll never fully be able to enjoy the sweetness of whatever successes you attain, but it is far better to be a wealthy, accomplished person with insecurities than it is to be insecure and lacking the external comforts of success.

I'm not sure how many successful people have said this, but it is true: the only thing that separates the successful from those who are not is that successful people keep trying. They fail just as often as unsuccessful people, but they pick themselves up and keep trying. Only those who give up are unsuccessful.

Good luck.

Answer 2

There is an old joke; How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb. The punchline? Just one, but that lightbulb has really got to want to change.

If you want to better yourself, you can, and will.

I'm 41 and somewhat successful, and sometimes, some days, I look at myself and question whether I'm doing the right thing or if I'm good enough.

One thing that is useful to me, is my relationship with my higher power. I have a good strong relationship with God that allows me to feel like a little girl and I know that if I relax into that relationship and allow it to support me when I feel weak, then I know that as I gather myself back together, I am stronger and can move on just a little while longer. If your background is Christian, I recommend reading the Bible and if you're of Muslim descent, I recommend the Koran. I'm a Unitarian, so I have also read the Bhagavad Gita, a Wiccan Bible and the Egyptian book of the dead as well as several esoterically inclined self-help books. I even attempted to read the Necronomicon, but that one is, in my never humble opinion, spiritually bereft, if not downright evil (if there is such a thing).

If these feelings are overwhelming you can try a natural herbal remedy to help smooth out the anxieties, by taking a combination of St. John's Wort and Griffonia Seed. (Melaleuca has one that I use).

Life isn't easy. It's a series of steps forward and steps backward. All you can ask for at any point in time is to be the best that you can be and do the things that will get you to where you can be what your universe requires you to be; you.

One other tip... Always be grateful. Concentrate on what you have to be thankful for, it will be a great source of strength when you are in a self-questioning mode.

As for going to school...

Go.

You're only 38. With average life expectancies of people twice to three times what they were 50 years ago, you've got all the time in the world to structure your life, the right way.

If it helps, my Father was older than I am now, when he graduated from university with his MBA. It is a great source of pride for him, and whatever you decide to study, do your best, plan to complete it, no matter how difficult and it will be a great source of pride for you as well.

Finally, the only way that you will feel exactly the same way you do right now, is if you never change, learn or grow. And I think, that since your very own answer is that you just have to keep trying, that you've already grown a lot more than you know.

God speed.

Answer 3

Greg, don't ever think you're alone in feeling that scared little boy inside. I think many more people feel that than would ever admit it. You and I are the same "vintage", and I can tell you that I still feel it-----I've just become more adept at hiding it over the years. If anything, I have more self-doubts now than I did at 22 years old. Maybe this has to do with having a wider view of the world and its complexity. Sometimes, I find myself looking back at some accomplishment, and saying "How the hell did I do THAT??" Change is never easy, and I feel like it becomes more difficult as we age.

If I had to offer you advice, I'd say, just tackle your goals in reasonable chunks. You've already made some very positive life changes in the past year, and as I've told you, I greatly admire you for those. I guess it's like that old saying, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Often, the first step is the most difficult, and as you feel more comfortable in the walk, you'll figure out where you want the journey to take you.

Take advantage of the programs many schools have for returning students---they've dealt with many a nervous older person, returning to school after many years. And keep the faith in yourself! You're probably quite capable of amazing things you've never even dreamed of........in the meantime, just do your best, and fake the rest!

Answer 4

Too often people see the change that they want, and the enormity of it scares them away. It's like looking toward the top of a mountain, deciding that you want to reach the peak, but becoming spooked by the toil involved.

In truth, change, like climbing a mountain, only refers to doing one, small thing. It's all about taking one step. Followed by another. Then another.

You wrote of fear, which I'm certain you really experience when you look toward the ultimate goal. And yet your current task is not about the ultimate goal. It's about reading a page. Followed by another. Then another.

Or it's about finding out what you would or could do if you released the distractions, like television, pot, computers, or bar hopping.

I'm a psychotherapist, and in the last 25 years of practice I've watched loads of people change things in their life. The common denominator between them is that they break the jobs up into manageable chunks.

Anytime you experience things as overwhelming, it's simply an indication that your vision of your next task is too big. Break it down. When beginning to write a paper, start by composing a good first sentence. Then ask yourself, what would be one good way to follow it? Or call a classmate to ask how they began work on the latest class project. It may be simply about sitting down in a quiet room with a pad on your lap.

My guess is that the scared little boy lives in fear of humiliation or ridicule. You've hidden so much, you've protected yourself from letting folks know your struggle. Consider the possibility that the ridicule that flowed so freely in Junior and Senior High School has all dried up. Now when you go to school, you'll run into people who are genuinely interested in being there. And you can be among them.

And if you need to, most schools have a counseling center that has a lot of experience helping returning students get through the adjustment.

Good Luck ! !

Answer 5

First, even with education, you'll probably still need to work hard, but with an education you will have more options from which to choose, and that is always good.
Second, you may always have the fear, but probably the reason you're even here and asking this is because you have decided that the DESIRE to succeed in life (whatever that means to you) has started to overcome the fear you have been feeling? See what I mean? I don't think anyone changes in a big way overnight, but it sounds like maybe you already started on your way.
Good Luck.

Answer 6

Yes people can change. u should not be afraid of anything but god, because he's more powerful than anything. Can't nothing harm u unless he allows it 2. I'm 34 just went back 2 school will be graduating on may 17 2007. It was tough having a job at day, school at night, single parent of 4, and a weekend job i wanted 2 quit alot of times but my kids was my motivation. So thats all u need is something that motivate u and that alone will help u to succeed. Good luck!

Answer 7

Well from personal experience and old quotes like "a leopard never changes his spots" and other similar sayings we have heard all of our lives, I would have to say we don't change much.. Change is however possible and you can learn something new every day without even trying. We learn, hopefully, and grow from our mistakes, and can better ourselves and change in that way as we grow and experience more each day and as the years go by, but I think many things that are instilled in us and who we are as far as our character and what we have become, either be-it by the way we were raised, or the society we grew up in, or other factors like that pretty much are etched in our being and what we basically are.. I do know that I have changed, hopefully for the better, over the years as I have learned many of life's valuable lessons and matured.. I think there are definitely things about us we can change, and for the better, but don't know if we can change who we are, unless of course.. you are a character actor.. Have a great day..

Answer 8

Yes, you have to keep trying.The big secret is that we all feel like scared little boys inside a lot of the time. Life can be really tough...and just remember you really only go around once...so give it your all...try to envision yourself one step ahead of where you are..AND remember...that you are doing this for you...nobody else counts in this..You can have all the fears about being around people and school...but they don't care..they are busy worrying about themselves.(Probably with the same fears that you have).
I also think that you have answered your own question here. You have to go on and stay in school...because do you really want to be 80 years old thinking...Gee I wish I had---???

Answer 9

The man from "Everybody Loves Ramon" said he was 28 years old and still at home. The man from "Kentucky Fried Chicken" was 59 after he became a millionaire so it IS NEVER too Late. It is late Only and that's a BIG ONLY if... you are six Feet Under. Otherwise Dream! don't ever let any Stop. A famous Quote from Einstien..."Great Spirits often encounter Violent Opposition from Mediocre Minds!"
Be creative.

Answer 10

Yes people can change....You can change for the better, yes of course you can, just as long as your happy to change and better yourself; well you could feel the same about yourself, right now your just scared of facing people I'd say; the outer world and all.

I think you should trust your instincts and go with the flow, try not to worry so much what others think; I know its hard to, but give it a go.

Things can only get better for you or they can get worse, or even just stay the same. I hope you better yourself and good luck.