Curious how you would handle? 10 yrs ago, my wife was sleeping with a black co-worker?

Question

My wife and I have been together for 18 years. My wife just told me that 10 years ago, she and a black co-worker ended up having sex on the side.

My wife is very pretty but has a weakness when someone is being nice to her or flirting with her. She said that she was always curious about black men and really like this black guy she worked with. I think I know why she did it, because he was treating her special because she is pretty. Also, my wife is very sexual.

After she broke the news to me this week, I was stunned. Then she explained that she got it out of her system a long time ago, loves me dearly and never have and never would do it again.

Here is what I want to share with you all today. I learned something about myself in that I am forgiving person because I forgave my wife and am not angry at her. She spilled her guts out of love for me and I forgave her. I feel good about myself, my wife and our marriage.

How would you handle it? Would you forgive, would you be angry?

Answer 1

I truly am glad you two may overcome this, and I wish you luck. But, you asked how I'd handle this. I would file for divorce. This is my second marriage, over 33 years total, and I've never cheated. I could easier forgive her trying to hire a hit man. I could possibly understand a drunken one night stand, but an ongoing relationship is so much more than just sexual betrayal. The lies, the excuses, and the emotional emphasis, not on the marriage, but on her stud. And then, after "getting it out of her system" she just decided this wasn't something that was any of your business- and kept it secret for 8 years. To live with this, you are a better man that I. I also wonder what prompted this revelation after all this time. Is ir barely possible they had a reunion?

Answer 2

So after 10 years of guilt she finally got the balls to tell you. She fuc*ing lying this recently happen and she use the excuse that it happen 10 years ago. Give me a fu*king break . Your stupid to even forgive her because what else has she done behind your back maybe a blowj*b here and there with her co-workers. Wake-up and smell the coffee buddy your wife she a cheater and will always be an cheater. specially when every single guys flirts with her. Is she that damn easy to get into her pants is just to flirt with her then you need to keep her as* in the house.

Answer 3

You need to think long and hard before you just let this slide. It's not important that the other man was black. At this point, it's not even all that important that she did it, particularly since it was so long ago. What you need to consider is: Why is she telling you this now? What has she done recently that has compelled her to admit such an ancient mistake? What is she hoping to cover up by telling you old news? People do make mistakes, but rather than harm the one they love, they should carry their guilt in silence to avoid devastating their loved ones. If nothing else, was her own ego's need for punishment more important to her than your happiness? She cannot be trusted.

Answer 4

wow, i don't really know how to answer that one... I am positive that i would be angry, BUT i think i would forgive!!! It was a long time ago, and remember, she could have kept it from you forever!! But she loves you enough that she just couldn't keep it in any longer!! Im sure that this has been eating her up inside since the day it happened!!! I applaud you for being a loving husband and forgiving!!!! No, it is not right to comitt adultry, but these days, it happens and there is really nothing anyone can do about it!!!!. Hope this eases your mind..

Answer 5

Its wonderful to be so forgiving BUT why did she feel the need to tell you now and get it off her chest. To ease her conscience. YES. If she loved you she never would have done it in the first place. Yes people can make mistakes but in my opinion she spilled it because of a guilty conscience and NOT out of love. OH sorry hun I screwed a co-worker, but I love you and got it out of my system. I don't think I would have the trust to forgive. But more power to you for giving her another chance. Good Luck with that.

Answer 6

God bless your marriage! And god bless your wife for telling you this, and you to for forgiving her. It was ten years ago.

I was not perfect in my marriage either, while my husband and I were legally seperated, I had slept with another man and got pregnant, and did not want to have the baby, because I was on really strong medication and it would hurt the fetus, and the guy I was with, ended up cheating on me and getting another woman pregnant!

I forgave myself for terminating the pregnancy because of severe damage to the fetus, and my husband forgave me for dating this jerk, and it is a real life lesson to find out who your true soulmate is!

My husband and I have a wonderful marriage and that is why we are soul mates.

As far as your wife sleeping with a black man ten years ago, what difference does it make if he were white, what I am saying is why does "color" matter with you?

You have learned a lot you say about this, but you obviously haven't gotton over the "color" factor.

JMO.

Answer 7

I think you got over it because it was so long ago and you have been together for so long.
But what if it wasnt 10 yrs ago? Why is she still thinking about it and how was it brought up? Maybe it happened last week.
I dont think I could forgive. I would have too many questions.

Answer 8

Black women have to deal with racial issues in this society as do black men. If she is the type of person who feels victimized because of her race, then there is a major problem that compounds the fact that the man was unfaithful. If she doesn't have any racial preconceptions, then the racial part is not a factor - but that is far fetched. I wouldn't want to be in the shoes of the man who did that to his wife.

Answer 9

It's a lot easier to be forgiving when....

She told you about it herself, rather than you finding out and confronting her.

It happened a long time ago, and hasn't happened again for a long time.

It happened a long time ago, and she is still with YOU and loves YOU.

I can't speak for everyone, but I think most people fear being "cheated on" because they fear losing the love, affection, and companionship of the one they love. Your wife had her little fling, but stayed with you.

I admire both you for your forgiveness, and your wife for coming clean. I wish you both much happiness and a long life together.

Answer 10

I'd have been violently pissed...and why wait until now to tell you. She should have kept her damned mouth shut and carried her own guilty baggage. If there werre no children involved - I'd have filed for divorce the next day.