When you have an affair and leave your marriage?

Question

and the reason you give is that "I am not happy" but you have put very little into your marriage...is it possible you have bigger issues?

Answer 1

Its cowardness.

Answer 2

It's a basic truthful statement. I'm not happy. Why would anyone want to be with someone who's not happy? You can't make them happy that's for sure. They can only feel how they want to feel. So maybe it's possible to have bigger issues but maybe not. Did you try your best? If not, then maybe you should try. Was having an affair just a way to get out? Then make it simpler and just get out and then seek some counseling so it doesn't happen again.
For me, Love is a feeling that when you take away all other things in my life, I can still be happy and not miss those other things. But when my love is taken away, I feel as if everything is missing. I dreamed these words of love one night, "I believe in something more when we are together. I look at you and I see all the great possibilities of life, and our love is like a refuge where the world disappears for a moment and all that's left is us." I guess if I can't have that, then I don't want love and I'll never find my 'happiness'.

Answer 3

immature, insecure, emotional cripple, needs the emotional support of someone else to help his through it, he is a coward, and probably would not leave the marriage if this other person wasn't tugging on his heartstrings so hard, giving them ultimatums. and once they cross that line, with someone else, to go back in the marriage they would have to admit to their selves that they were wrong, and some people will never do that. don't think they are really all that miserable but when someone else shows an interest it boost their self worth, makes them feel desirable, and they are getting so much from the other person that they think it is always going to be like that, so they leave the marriage, only to find out later on that they haven't changed at all, and that there same problems are still there.

Answer 4

I am going to be very straing with you and I hope you do not take me wrong.
What men will cheat on their wife, if he loves her?
You need to realize, how long you have been married, your kids (if any) are you willing to sacrifies your children and the woman that put up with all your good and your bad, for a woman that gives you the same satisfaction your wife gave you all those years (don't forget, at the end it all feels the same) it is, yes a different face, different body, different attitude but in a few years, she will be just like your wife, better or worse (do you want to take that chance)

Do you want to work it out with your wife, because if you do, you are going to have to start bulding trust again.
You need to talk and tell her the reason why you did it. Tell her how much you love her and how sorry you are and that you are willing to start building trust in her, it will be anoying to you, but it will work out.

Don't be dumb, if your wife is crying is because she loves you and all she wants for you to do is to tell her, you will leave that woman because you do not love her and you do not love her because you know that you are in the border of losing her(your wife, now) and you just can't take that.

Work it out and try to take time off and go on a little vacation, some where, re-start that romance you once had with your wife. Take her flowers, call her up and tell her you love her and can't wait to see her.

Now, if you know you don't love your wife, than is best to leave and let her suffer for a while (she will get over it) she will find some one else and a new daddy for the kids, if any.

Good Luck!
sorry for any mis-spell words, spell check not working!
just get the msg.

Answer 5

If someone has an affair, it's because they're not happy. I can tell you that most times, the other person is not putting anything into the marriage. It doesn't justify the affair, but it certainly explains why someone would be pushed to the point of engaging in such an activity.

Answer 6

No not at all..most when they enter a marriage always put the other person first 24/7. It is important that each person make sure their own needs are met. If your own needs go undone for sooo long you can fall out of love because you need to pay attention to your own needs. The people in the marriage need to realise that not only does a marriage require work but yourself does as well and ignoring your wants and needs will only push you to find them in someone else.

Answer 7

I'm not happy = I'm not in love. & the lack of effort proves it. Of course you put very little; you already know you will never love that person and the effort is fruitless. There's something missing in your life and having to share your life with someone you don't love is depressing. So you've got to change your situation. It usually turns out better for everyone. Who wants to be stuck in a loveless marriage? & of course those kinds of changes are hard, and it will take a while to get over, but it's worth it in the end.

Answer 8

Yes. No doubt.

People these days treat marriage like a car. When the ashtrays get full they trade it in for a new car.

All relationships take work or they will wither or completely fall apart.

This is an 'instant gratification' world these days. Very sad.

Answer 9

Yes, and when you get into the next relationship you are most likely going to find that they came along with you.

Which may be why second marriages fail even more often than first marriages.

Answer 10

Marriage only works if you are willing to accept the responsibility of caring about another persons feelings at least as much as you care about your own. Personally, I think it requires you to care more about their feelings than your own and that can only happen if you truly love your spouse. If there is no true love, it really doesn't matter what you do, it will not work out or at the very least, you will always be only mildly happy at best.

Answer 11

I take it you are talking about yourself and your husband left you for another woman. I'm sure this is a very painful situation but try to find the bright side. You now have a chance to start over and find true happiness with someone else. Clearly your soon to be ex-husband has already done the same.

Good luck.