I love my husband but Im miserable becaue Im IN LOVE with someone else what do i do?

Answer 1

Well, if you're sure you truly love this other man, and are not just infatuated with him, you have to leave your husband. You can't stay in a marriage out of pity, fear, guilt, or just the false pretense of love in general. There is also a difference in loving somebody, and being in love. I'm afraid you need be in love with somebody, rather than just love them, because frankly, you can "love" anybody.

Answer 2

Love is choice, not a feeling. What many people interpret as love is the strong desire to be connected with another person. Most women develop strong emotional ties with people they have had a positive relationship with (such as a sexual or emotional one).

What I recommend you do is step back and closely analyze exactly why you have this desire to connect with a person other than your husband. Once you have identified the cause of your attraction you can then focus on helping your husband meet that need.

Don't forget that men are simple creatures. The best way to get your husband to do anything is to get him to think that it is his idea. If you want your husband to send you flowers tell him that he is so romantic because he knows how to send flowers; later he will reflect and say 'You know, I am romantic because I send flowers. Maybe I should pick up some flowers this week.'

If your husband sucks in the bedroom than teach by telling him what he does right and maybe things he does not really do but will want to believe that he does. If you tell somebody something long enough they have a tendency to believe it and begin to act out their belief.

If none of this helps I would recommend you consult an older woman who has been married for a long time to get interactive advice. So called marriage experts who write books are usually idiots who have been divorced, try looking for an older woman at your local church because they are the real experts.

Answer 3

Are you sure you aren't still in love with your husband and just a little bored or tired after being married for awhile? It's natural for married couples to go thru phases of being in love and out of love during the normal course as the years pass. Sometimes when we feel unappreciated or unloved ourselves we look to others who are willing to fill a void our spouse should be filling but may be unaware of the need because we haven't voiced it. Take a look at your husband and your marriage, could it be that you just need a little refreshing and strengthening? Remember, lots of people think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence but it usually isn't (just looks that way from this side). Work on your marriage for a month and if you still feel the same way as you do now, do something about it, but if things are changing don't lose a good thing over a little boredom. Good luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 4

If you are "in love" with someone other than your husband, know that the affair (emotional or physical) is not real and cannot last. It is a lie, it is born of secrecy and deception, and it will probably not last for more than a couple years. It is your inappropriate response to a void in your relationship with your husband - some emotional need. That void can be figured out and filled with therapy. First, end the affair/break off contact/avoid the other man. Then get to therapy. (You can go to the therapist first, but trust me, he/she will immediately tell you to break off the relationship.) When you're ready to be mature and honest, you need to confess to your husband. Do it in front of the therapist or a minister if you're afraid of him -- and if you ARE afraid of him, you've just identified a major problem with your marriage! Then get to work on what's wrong with your relationship that leaves you open to feelings for another man. Chances are your husband senses your anxiety and unhappiness, and just doesn't know what to do to make you happy.....but really wants to. Don't squander this gift! Don't wait! Also, think about the difference between romantic/erotic love and mature love. Some folks can't get over being "in heat" and when marriage gets a little too routine, they go looking for the spice of a new, fresh, erotic relationship. Sorry, but that's not a mature approach to love or marriage, and it ensures that you will need to trade partners every couple of years.... You need to think about the concept of "mature love" and decide if that's what you want.

Answer 5

Honey, I am telling you this, because I have totally been there! I have been through the exact thing!

Years ago, my husband and I had marital problems and we went to counseling but he wanted to stop going, so he stopped going and then as did I. So, I turned into writing my unhappiness in journals.

Then I started to have feelings for my first love, I could never stop thinking about him, I even called him! Then I realized that something was wrong here, we tried counseling, I was unhappy in my marriage, my husband was never there for me and my daughter and he was always busy working!

So, I packed everything into my car and left him the next morning, drove to where my mom's side of the family is about five hours away, and then filed for a legal seperation.

During that time, I started seeing other people, and one was a total jerk to me and my daughter, and then my husband and I were starting to talk and he really opened up about all of his feelings and we just sat down and talked about everything, I even dumped the jerk I was with!

We became friends again, and then we reconcilled our marriage! And now we are more happier than ever. For fifteen years!

My point is you need to decide if you are in a miserable marriage, I know you say you love him, but is he really making you happy, is he your soul mate like mine is to me? Or do you just love him as a friend kind of love?

If you decide you are in a miserable marriage, you have to decide if you want marriage counseling, or if you just want plain out of the marriage.

If marriage counseling does not work, then I guess you know what to do next.

Answer 6

i was in a similar situation...all i can say is that you will continue to be miserable until you get the other guy out of your mind. Life always looks better when you think about it with the new person, but thats because when ur "in love" its hard to see clearly.

You have a commitment to your husband and thats the only thing that matters. if you try to hold on to something, either emotional or physical, on the side with the other guy you will always be torn, and never happy.

trust me, ive been there and it took way to long to learn my lesson.

write me back if u need to talk more...

gl

Answer 7

Is this other person an ex, friend, co worker? It all depends on the situation you are in! Why do you feel you are in love of another person? Is your husband not treating you right? Is he not giving you enough care, love, etc? What does this other person have that your husband cant offer you? If your not sure, I think you should look for marriage counseling.
Hope this helped!

Answer 8

The best advice I can give you is to come clean with your husband and then you both can come to a decision. If you feel this way who knows your husband may be feeling the same way as well as he may not. just talk to him because you will be miserable in your relationship and sooner or later your husband will pick up on it.

Answer 9

i feel bad for you i know how that is :( you need to do something about it before you become a hot mess!! do you have kids? because if so that is going to be part of your decision making process! if you don't than it makes things a lot less complicated for you which believe it or not is going help! if you don't love your husband in the wifey way than you need to show him some respect and tell him what is going on!! girl you need to step up here :) you can do this your a women you can do anything!!!

Answer 10

Get yourself some counseling so you can figure out why you feel the way you do and whether you should work on your marriage or not. It's hard to stay married but it may be worth it, so you should really get some help.

In the meantime, you should stay away from that other person. Chances are that anything that happens between you will wreck your marriage. Relationships that start with cheating rarely work out anyway.

Good luck.