you just fell in love or feel a connection without planning it? If you are unhappy in your life but don't want to leave due to kids or maybe you just aren't ready... is it really that bad to have an affair with someone that makes you happy? Can it be justified?
2007-04-12 07:12:47 · 35 answers · asked by scrtlvss 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no it cant, fix your probelms and if that doesnt work move on..
2007-04-12 07:35:01 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. November 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it ever is. If you are unhappy in your marriage, you just need to get a divorce. Kids are not an excuse, research has proven that kids are worse off in homes where the parents are only together "for the kids sake". Maybe you aren't ready?? That sounds like financially you don't want your life to be turned upside down. It will be, no matter when you do it. I hope you have wonderful friends and family that you can count on, because it will be hard to leave. But I am sure that you are a strong woman and you will do wonderful. Also, probably not a good idea to get too involved with another person right away, you'll end up making the same mistakes as you did the first time. Give yourself some time to heal and find out what you really enjoy in life. Get started on that divorce... asap!!!
2007-04-12 07:18:10 · answer #2 · answered by Chiquita 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that if you are unhappy because your needs aren't being met by your spouse, it feels right to be with someone else. The trouble lies in the fact that you are still married. It is easy to fall in love without planning it. Someone starts to pay attention to you more than your own partner. You begin to feel special, important, sexy, and loved again. For so long you have only felt like a parent, provider, maid, chef, etc.
You need to take a step back and look at the situation objectively. Who are the people that will be hurt? The kids in both marriages, the betrayed spouses, and even the people having the affair. You will be hurt because you are hurting the people you love. You will be hurt because of the guilt this causes. You will be hurt because your children won't understand.
I'm not saying that you should stay in an unhappy marriage, because that is only something you can choose. I'm merely saying that you should leave your marriage before starting a relationship with someone new.
2007-04-12 07:23:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is still cheating, whether it was planned or not; so no, it's not okay, and it can't be justified. If you're unhappy with your marriage, try to work on that instead. What is it about that someone that makes you happy, and can you incorporate those things into your marriage?
So long as you continue to cheat, your marriage will never get better, and after awhile, you may not have any marriage at all.
2007-04-16 04:32:55 · answer #4 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Words of Wisdom
Leave before you have any affair,Never tell anyone that you are going to have an affair,especially girlfriends and don't get caught with your pants down.
Reasons not to have any affair while married.
Its wrong.
People get beat up or murdered
Its hurtful to the spouse (rather you care or not)
If the affair works out for you then there would always be a trust issue.
If children are involved, they would never respect you and probably hate you the rest of your life.
You will always have a reputation as an Adulter and its hard to live down.
2007-04-12 07:43:20 · answer #5 · answered by Grogan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nobody here is going to tell you it's OK to have an affair. If you start an affair with someone based on what info you provided, you're going to end up in love and miserable because you have to hide it at home and in front of everyone. You'll be preoccupied with the person you're having the affair with, and everything else in your life will suffer.
Whatever happiness you experience will be short-lived, and sooner or later it will end because you just can't maintain a double life.
Do what you want, though. Life is short.
2007-04-12 07:40:40 · answer #6 · answered by Shepherd 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok I a married woman and have been for a while now and one thing that one must realize is that when you first start out it is all fun and horny love but then comes the kids bills and stress and some things change wether it be the sex the communcation or whatever but is it in you to stick it out I am going through that now I met someone who is also in the same boat as me and we both just seek what we lack at home and I think about him more then I should BUT I have not commited adultry b/c when I look into the eyes of my children I think what am I doing to them and their father he is a great man who deserves nothing like that to happen and when I get to those gates I want God to let me in with out a doubt but lust is normal and do u really want to risk a marriage for a fling that might end up just being lousy sex?????
2007-04-12 07:29:04 · answer #7 · answered by cieraf 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you cheat, you hurt your children. You damage their trust, and when they grow up, they may be more likely to have the view that "all spouses cheat on each other" or "no one is ever faithful."
Just to let you know - many times, the affair is not THE problem, it is SYMPTOM of a deeper problem between the spouses. Yes, it can also be a personality problem with one person (e.g. a chronic cheating personality)... but many times, affairs happen because the spouses have grown apart, or have become angry with each other over the years, or haven't solved their other conflicts. You should work on your marriage with your spouse, and go to counseling if you need to - It might take awhile, but it will help you, and your spouse, and your kids, who will have a positive role model for later in life.
2007-04-12 07:26:29 · answer #8 · answered by thedrisin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, there is a reason it's called cheating....because you have to hide it. If you have to hide it, that means you are lying, that means you are betraying someone's trust. That means you haven't made the effort or that you've given up on someone that you made vows to, a committment. It means your needs and wants are more important than your family, which not only makes you a cheater, but a selfish person as well. Just falling in love, well that's just a feeling, a feeling doesn't dictate our actions. It's our practical side, the decision making side, the behavior that should rule over the emotions. So blame it on love if you want, but the reality is that it's not love, it's a selfish and mean decision that someone makes. They are either making the decision to do it, or making the decision to not care or both.
2007-04-12 07:26:17 · answer #9 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry but cheating is NEVER justified. you make choices in your life. if you make vows you should stick to them. unhappy in your marriage??? - then work on it, fix the problem.
this just happen stuff is BS, you have choices.
the kids are better off with 2 loving parents not 2 unhappy yelling screaming parents.
if you want a divorce do it now instead of dragging your kids thru more junk.
if you get a divorce give yourself some time to be by yourself and take care of your kids. they are #1 not you.
2007-04-12 07:52:57 · answer #10 · answered by Jenn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From what perspective? The Bible is very clear. No, you are not permitted to have sex outside of marriage or allow your heart to dwell on another person.
But if you don't accept that, then what do you accept? Generally society? A majority vote?
Your heart is in your control, even if you feel tempted. Take charge of fixing your marriage and stop thinking about what you want to do instead. The biggest indicator of an upright person is one who feels tempted and resists, not one who never feels tempted. So use this opportunity to point you back toward your home and family and allow the other party the same opportunity, sever all relationship with that person permanently, stop acting on what makes you "happy" and do what is right. You know it.
2007-04-12 07:20:29 · answer #11 · answered by mom of 5 in CA 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋