Is this normal behavior in a 6 year old............?

Question

My stepdaughter is 6 and when she comes on weekends she loves to play with her dolls. But her dolls are always in trouble. She tells her dolls " you look me in the eyes and show respect when I am speaking" or speaks hatefully "you are so bad that you can't do anything now you lay there and don't say another word". She never says anything nice to the child and never hugs and kisses like my children do. I don't know if because she's 6 and mine are 1 and 2 that it makes a difference or something more is going on. Every time we pick her up or drop her off her mom hugs and kisses her so I don't know what to think. Am I the only one concerned or should I just brush it off. I think her mom is warping her mind?

Violet....for you information she can't ever remember her mom and dad being together. They were divorced when she was 8 months old. I am close with her, but I was wondering about her behavior. And yeah, I married her dad and we had two kids. Why shouldn't I have kids just because their marriage didn't work. You are rude.

Answer 1

Before you begin making accusations against the Mom, you must take into consideration the child.

How are the visitations? How long is she away from her mother? Does the child get to spend quality time alone with her father (just her and Dad) Has she done all right in the past with visitations?

How does she get along with your 1 and 2 year old children (I suppose her siblings)? How do you get along with the child?

Alot of important factors could be the reason why the child is making these statements to her dolls.

I know from first hand experience how actions from a child can appear to be one way but in actuality, the child is having a problem with being away from the custodial parent...which in turn exhibits behavior such as you've described. The home that she comes from is loving, hugs, kisses, etc...words of encouragement but when the child is away from the custodial parent for too long of a time, a different type of behavior emerges.

So as the adult in this situation, you must be careful of actions and words spoken in front of the child. Encourage her to play with her dolls more lovingly or get down there and play with her. Talk with her mom and express to her the behavior that you've noticed and maybe the three of you can work on ways of helping the child.

Answer 2

All she is doing is reinacting how she is disciplined, because that is what she knows. However the next time you see her punishing her baby like that ask her what the child has done that was so bad etc , try to get her to talk to you about it. Even try asking her if she has been punished like that. But you need to be careful becase things may not be said exactly how she is saying them due to the fact that she is only six that is how she may be taking it. The things that she is saying are what appears to be what has been said to her. Try playing dolls with her every now and then mabey she will let you in on some of it. But seriously kids who go through parents being divorced go through so much mentally that I would suggest getting her into counseling asap so that she can begin healing and understanding the divorce was not her fault etc. Be there for her as much as you can, sounds like she needs you more then you realize. Good Luck!
T.

Answer 3

My son is almost 5 and very dramatic. Not only does he imitate what we say to him but he also imitates things out of movies and on tv. I'm sure many things that I I say to him would sound horrible if taken out of context. I also tell him to look me in the eye when I speak to him and not to take that tone with me and that he has been acting so bad that he has lost certain privilages and so on. I also say very loving and sweet things to him most of the time but kids tend to hang onto the things that get to them the most. Being disciplined is not fun, especially at an age when they feel they are powerful but are told they are not at every turn. I see how frustrated my son gets and I do hear him acting out these scenes with his toys. My 3 year old niece does the same thing except she will recite word for word exchanges that she and I have had while talking about herself in the third person. Sometimes it's just how they process information and situations. If she is an otherwise happy and well adjusted child, then I wouldn't worry. She is old enough to carry on a conversation about her feelings too so if you are concerned I would just talk to her about it in a way that is not too much like an interrogation. Approach it more like you are playing with her, just comment on her dolls getting in trouble, agree that getting in trouble is no fun and that sometimes it's hard to be good all the time even for grown ups. She will probably just start talking about it without much more prompting from you. Just be sure you don't unintentionally imply that her mom is saying the wrong things to her or treating her badly. She needs to feel that all the adults in her life are all on the same page and loving her unconditionally - even when she is bad.

Answer 4

Could be imitating her real life. Could be imitating something she saw on TV.

Only way to know is to talk to her about it. Not in an 'accusing mommy' or planting memories kind of way, but in a 'Wow, what did that doll do to deserve that? Do you think that mom/dad doll is right to talk to that kid doll like that?' way.

Even if she is being disciplined more harshly than you think is right, when she's at moms, you may not be able to do anything, legally about it - at least, not quick enough to keep it from happening to her again. But, you can teach your stepdaughter how to deal with it - give her coping skills - give her confidence that she's not bad.

Answer 5

The behavior you speak of is something that is learned, most children when playing with dolls will do so "lovingly" unless they have been taught to treat them badly. I'm not saying that her mother treats her in the manner she treats her dolls but she is learning it from somewhere. Does her mother work outside the home and leave her in some sort of child care? What sort of movies/television is the child exposed to? Also this is a subject you need to discuss with her father as he is the only one who would be able to approach the subject to the child's mother.

Answer 6

Wow. This is very odd, because my two girls, when they played with their dolls, they rocked them, sung songs that I sang to them, they say things like, "Shhh, it's okay baby, it's okay, I'm here". I've never seen them abuse these dolls and say mean things to them, so I would also be worried.

But, maybe she saw this stuff on TV or something? Still, I would really want to take her to see a child psychologist, or even just the school's psychologist to talk to her and see if maybe they think anything is wrong.

And you know what? I really admire you for caring enough to ask other people's opinion and want to get this little girl help if she needs it.

Answer 7

Have you ever asked the little girl, where she heard the things she is saying at six she will more than likely tell you. Or sit and play with her and after a while she may become more comfortable and tell you. If she thinks she can trust you she will open up. Counseling is probably a good idea, but without the mothers consent you may have a hard time with. Maybe dad can tell mom he thinks she needs to go. This is not normal, at six she is imitating something she has seen or heard, whether it is done to her or someone she knows, maybe this happens at daycare? There are lots of questions to ask. I have a foster son, and we had to go through alot of counseling and learning what to ask and what not to ask a child, becoming their friend, and earning their trust they will eventually open up to you. Good Luck

Answer 8

I think you're right. Kids that age repeat whatever they're told. I see it in my boys all the time (now 8&9). Words are very hurtful. You really have to watch what you say to them because they really believe what they're told. How a child speaks, really gives you a clue as to how that child is spoken to and treated at home. Maybe you just need to be especially kind to her and show her what love really means. Or maybe your hubby could talk to his ex-wife about the words she uses. Better to kick this in the butt now than to let it go on and destroy this little girls' self-esteem.
Good luck.

Answer 9

Well, I agree with some of the answerers already. This little girls life has become topsy turvy - she lost hr real family, and is being shuttled between households and has to deal with a stepmom. All for what? To ruin the life of kids so the adults can be selfish and have what they want? The trauma of divorce on kids can be lifelong.... but as long as you adults got who and what you wanted...

Answer 10

I dont blame you for worrying. She is acting out what she sees and hears. It could be behavior coming from Mom or a caregiver. The way she is acting isnt normal at all. It may be up to you to get to the bottom of the problem...Good Luck