How can i get her to obey what I say?

Question

All I ask is that my meal is on the table when I come home from work and the house is kept clean and tidy. She says she is my wife not my maid and if I want that I should hire a maid but **** that. I pay all the bills its the least she can do.

We both work but I work harder than her and her job is only part time so she has plenty of time to do these things. I even have to do my own laundry and iron them myself.

How can I get her to do as she is told. If any guys answer..How did you train your wife to do these things ?

I can tell many of you who answered are not married at all Why are you answering my question.

B Trix..Your too ugly baby.I wouldnt have you as my wife even if you paid me.

Al e c . I doubt that your big enough to come and kick my *** pal.

Damduckie.How can you say you and your husband have everything equal if he works double the hours you do and does the same amount of chores.. That is not equal in my book.

Answer 1

Well, personally I think that she should contribute more to the household especially if she's only working part time and you're working full time and paying the bills.

This is a tough situation because many women today have been told not to serve their husbands like they used to (which explains her "I'm not your maid!" speech). This has caused a lot of problems when the husband wants the wife to take on a more traditional role. It would be a lot easier if she just listened. Otherwise, if she wants to be equal, then she needs to take on a full time job.

Unfortunately you can't really put your foot down these days or make threats if she doesn't do these things for you. If you do she'll find somebody else to confide in. She might do the same thing if you try to ignore her. So you're kind of in a jam here....

Maybe you should consider making her pay for some of the bills.

Answer 2

Okay, you sound like my husband! Do you have kids? If so, get off her back and quit being a rock on her ***! This is not 1942. This is not 1958. This is not even 1979. This is 2007. There are things to be done other than clean the house and make dinner for the husband. My country-bumpkin' husband feels like this, too. We have a 1 year old and he freaks if I don't have dinner made and the house spotless.

I agree with your wife. If you want a maid, go hire a maid. But she is not a maid. She is your wife.

It does not matter if you work harder than she does.
It does not matter that you pay all the bills.
What matters is the reasons why you married her.

Step back and take a look. Did you marry her instead of hire her?

It sounds like the two of you need to sit down and have a serious conversation. There is reason to why she doesn't always have the house clean and dinner's not always on the table for you.

How selfish.

Answer 3

First of all you do not train someone to do something like they are a dog. Maybe you should learn to speak to her in better terms and help around the house as well. She isn't a maid and I am pretty sure that both of you work just as hard at your job. I do not know if you have children or not, but if you do, then that is a whole lot of work that you do not have to focus on. It takes both partners to work within the house. The only thing I agree with you here is that maybe she should have at least a meal by the time you get home. Or maybe be a little more considerate and see how she is feeling and maybe pick up some dinner on the way home, make things a little easier for both of you.

Answer 4

I could write a book about all the things a housewife is supposed to 'have time to do' - there is never enough time. Your assumption that your wife has leisure time is erroneous. You OUGHT to be doing your own laundry and ironing your own shirts. That's one place that you could start.
As a woman (and a wife) who has worked part-time and full-time, I can tell you there is not much difference between the two. In fact, I would advise your wife to ask for more hours at her job just so she can be 'full time' which will entitle her to more benefits.
As for who works harder, that also is subjective. In my job, I was likely to be required to come in at 5 a.m. every once in a while, on short notice, which meant leaving the house at 4 a.m. no matter whether it was storming or sleeting - and my normal work day started at 8:30 a.m. I have also worked round the clock - 4 shifts in a weekend with just a break to sleep and that was actually a much easier job!
The question is: do you want to keep this marriage? Make the decision now because you will only be delaying the inevitable divorce if you see your wife as a trainable servant.
I have seen some excellent housecleaners in action. They come in once a week and working as a team, practically turn the house upside down as they thoroughly clean every bit of it. They charge a bunch of money, it is worth every penny.
With your wife working full time and you learning to pick up after yourself, with a weekly housecleaner, I predict you may be able to pull through this without your wife divorcing you.
Dinner on the table? Pick up a rotisserie roasted chicken on the way home - big deal.

Answer 5

Dude. If I think I know what you are referring to and read between the lines, your saying that regardless of who earns and how much, you just want what you feel you work for. Some may not have understood where you are coming from or that you are not an a$$. So let me say what I think you may want to hear. When you smooth this over and it happens again then bring it up in a non argumentative way that will not turn the conversation ugly. For now though you may have dug yourself a little whole and need to earn it because you may have pushed her buttons the wrong way. So you will have to earn her respect and trust me it will be a lot easier on the both of you. So whether you start with flowers or however you want to win her back, do it, At this point, a shouting match is the last thing that you want and you are probably to tired to go through it. Yes, you are in a partnership as some of your postings indicate, but all things being equal, things are not always equal but you have to make it appear that way sometimes to keep a steady ship. Use caution and exercise patience.

Answer 6

You are in the WRONG relationship dude... You can't "train" your wife. She's probably feeling rebellious because you treat her like a commodity, like a dog that needs "training". Maybe if you're wife felt respected, she would be more willing to do these things. I'm usually not this up front about situations, but I can tell just from the way you asked your question that you were brought up in a patriarichal family system. You should know that it's the 21st century and believe it or not, women wear pants now too... A working marriage should have each member doing an equal amount of housework. Factor into the equation if you may have children. Kids are a full time job in themselves, and if she's working a part time job on top of that I give her credit. Compliment her. Use positive reinforcement, not harsh words. If she cooks dinner one night, thank her, make her feel special. She will be more willing to do things for you and the RELATIONSHIP in the future if she feels appreciated.

Answer 7

Here's a clue for you. Your wife does not need to obey you. When you say things to her like it sounds like you do, it is in the form of a command. Would you do something if it was commanded of you or asked of you? If you went home one night and said, "You know, chicken would be really great for dinner." I bet you will get it faster than 'I want chicken on that table at 5pm.' Or, do you think you could do the laundry tonight? I'm really tired." or 'why don't you do anything around her- I work harder than you- I pay the bills.' You do pay the bills, and yes, you work longer hours, but to be honest, that doesn't mean her job isn't stressful. That doesn't mean her day is all rainbows and butterflies. It hurts her when you come home and b*tch at her. You can't command, because the first thing someone will do at a command is the very opposite. If you ASK it of her, she will more than likely do. I am not saying she's a victim, I've grown out of that. I am just saying, maybe change the way you speak to her, it probably would make her more willing to do things for you. Give it a shot.

AND IF YOU KEEP UP ABOUT 'DOING AS SHE'S TOLD' I CAN GUARANTEE YOU SHE'LL BE ASKING YOU FOR DIVORCE.

Answer 8

First off how can she get you to do what she wants you to? If she treated you like a handy man or an object how would you feel. It works both ways and the more you demand her to do these things the farhter away you are getting from them. You are just pushing her away more by treating her like she has to obey your every command - she is not an object, she is not your mother and the more you treat her the way you have been the more she'll back off and give you exactly what it is you don't want. Leave her alone for three weeks!!! and see if it makes a difference! No matter how hard it is say nothing and do somehting out of the ordinary that she has wanted you to do but you keep putting off. I'm telling you it will work!

You two need to work together not aginst each other. You two are playing games with one another and don't even know it. These games are not fun and will led to more cahos! Work together, never demand and have respect! Have unconditionally love for one another, who cares if the house isn't clean the day YOU want it to be, it's a house that is lived in...

Answer 9

LOL, you are crazy for posting a Q like this...! You have to know what's coming to you but it's good for discussion I guess. I think she has the right idea though. Why not hire a maid every once in awhile. At least have a crew come in and get everything organized and cleaned so you and her will have a easier time getting a cleaning schedule going especially if you work harder and can't do your part. Then schedule meals every night and specify how many nights for take-out or dine-in. YOU can both do your part and that's the only thing I get tired of at home. I am the only one who tries to do things on a regular basis. However, I am on strike right now and don't plan on doing a dang thing and if that includes my 2 children eating mac-n-chees every other night or picking up after me then so be it. Until things change around here and people start listening to my plan to keep this family fed, clean and functioning, I'm not doing anything unless I want to -to just show them how it feels. I'm risking a divorce I guess but on the flip side it's one less person to pick up after...lol

Answer 10

One - It's 2007, not 1947. Your wife is your equal and your partner, not your slave. She's not responsible for your happiness and personal care.

Two - Who cares who works "harder?" Marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Though you sound like the first syllable of that word. You can do some things too. She may work part time, but she still works, just like you do. It hasn't killed you yet to do your own laundry, and I doubt it will.

Three - She's your wife, not a dog that can be trained. You're the dog and you're lucky to have someone who puts up with you. And she's not your kid, so she shouldn't EVER have to "do as she's told" by you. Don't count on having her long if your attitude stays the same.

If all you want is a maid, then get rid of the woman, save the cash and hire one. That way you get what you want and she gets paid to put up with your idiocy and can quit whenever she wants.

Answer 11

How can you get her to do what you say?!?!?! You sound like an unappreciative jerk. You both work and you both live ina house together that you both make messes in. You want your dinner cooked then do it. You want the house cleaned then pick up after yourself. Maybe if you werent so demanding she would be more than willing to have you dinner on the table. How do you know she doesnt work as hard as you? So what if it is Part time. that doesnt mean she isnt working hard. Do you have any kids? If so she is working DOUBLE time. Shame on you. If she didnt work at all that would be another thing. She is your wife. NOT your mother and your maid. Maybe you should appreciate the fact that she puts up with you. My husband and I work as a team. We BOTH clean the house and we BOTH work (me part time) and we BOTH go to college fulltime. We also have a child. So technically we work all the time. Your wife is right. Hire a maid if you want to gripe about something. I bet your sex life is in the crapper because speaking from a womans point of view, we dont even want our men to look at us if we feel degraded and unappreiciated for the things that we do. If you want your marriage to last I suggest you go to counsling together and resolve what ever preconcieved notions you have on what the role of a wife is. While you are at it, work on what roles a man is suppossed to have towards his wife. This isnt 1900 bub. Get a clue!