My husband's ex-wife is on my last nerve.....?

Question

Okay, my husband has been divorced for a while, well since their daughter was 8 months old and she is 6 now. We have been married two and half years. The ex-wife doesn't want me to have say in anything. So, I have backed off. Yet she makes comments to my husband about how she thinks I steal her daughters barettes and hair things for my own child. My stephchild is bi-racial and wears really big barettes. My daughter is white and is 1 so she has very little hair and it is blond and fine hair so the hair stuff she puts in her daughter would never work in my daughters hair. I think she does this stuff or accuses me of stuff to cause problems. I don't understand she is remarried. I want to just blow up on her, but I don't for my husbands sake. How can I keep my sanity. She is very rude to my daughter and even told her own daughter that my little girl was ugly and she shouldn't play with her. How would you handle this?

Answer 1

dont allow her near your baby, tell her daughter that no-one should say another person is ugly, it is very rude. tell the woman to respect your family --or be quiet about it. she is very jealous and wishes it was her family. of course I understand completely about the barrettes.

Answer 2

There is a whole lot to answer in your question. First, ex's will always be an issue I feel mostly because you succeeded where they failed. It's like they don't think the one they divorced should possibly ever find anyone else. Next, if you are only talking about barettes, be glad it's something so small. Big deal, go to Walmart, Dollar Tree, etc and grab some more. An extra couple of bucks here or there is very little to trade off for making yourself go crazy over it.

Why and when is she "very rude" to your daughter? Why does she have any time to be that way? Don't let the occasion exist for ex to be rude to your daughter.

Best advice I can give, sit back and find a reason to laugh at the silliness of situation. The more that you want to fight back or try to, the more the ex will find to "ruffle you".

Think of it this way, if a cow patty sits in a field and dries, it doesn't stink after a while. But if you go and mess with it and stir it up....it continues to stink. Be patient, focus on your family and what's important there. Good luck!

Answer 3

You are doing the right thing by not blowing up on her. Perhaps as much as she loves their daughter, she feels that a bi-racial child will always lose out in comparisons to a white child and it bothers her. She may take this feeling out on your child. The barette business is silly because it's so impossible but what underlies it isn't silly. If you always back off but reply truthfully to accusations, I think you'll be OK. If she says that your daughter is ugly and her daughter shouldn't play with her, you can try to see the good side of that: fewer chances for her to 'create' conflict out of nothing! Yes, she's rude. Yes, she probably has unresolved issues with your husband. Well, people like that can change but it won't be because of your doing, it will be because of the passage of time. So just trust in time passing. And keep as much distance as you can from her. Let your husband observe and reply to what she says. There is some truth to that 'kill her with kindness' business but you have a child you have to enlist in that effort too and it will get harder if the ex-wife keeps up this barrage of insults as your child gets older. You don't want to encourage your child to submit to bullying, for example.

Answer 4

Don't respond to her. She like's to do that. For your husbands child. Let your husband help her when she is wrong. If you going to try that you only going to get her mother on your case. She cant help her mother is teaching her wrong. She is in the middle. For your child give her lot of love and tell her it's not tru. That is is pretty and a wonderful kid, and you and her father love's her very much. I hope your husband will talk to his ex. What she's doing is wrong. Your husbands child isn't supose to be used to make trouble. She is only a child and deseves have a normal and happy live with her father and you. Mabe you should try to tell her that you wount try to steal her daughter for her. Some woman are sceard that ther daughter will like the step-mom more.

Answer 5

Even if your daughter does wear your husband's daughter's barrettes, so what? Things like that get dropped, lost, left on bathroom counters, under couches...(my bf has one the same age). Besides, why can't she "share"? Isn't this a good thing between siblings? Even half-siblings? Does your husband ever hear any of the accusations or does he turn a blind eye? Somehow HE needs to take charge and keep this woman's contact to a minimum. I feel for you.

Answer 6

Be b#tch, buy her daughter barettes, get pictures of the 2 girls together and make sure to give her one for her wall. Be as nice as you can. that will p&ss her off more than anything you could possibly blow up about. And tell your husband to talk to her about playing the girls against eachother. They are sisters and supposed to love each other and it is his place to get the ex to back off. Sure she wants to cause problems, why would she want him to be happy?
Good luck

Answer 7

First of all you need to go up to her and tell her she needs to relax and she better stop insulting your child that her childish games stop HERE you need to say now do you honestly think your childs barrettes would fit in my childs hair I mean be real and stop being so angry and act like a mother if you dont like me thats fine no worries for me but you must and you WILL respect my daughter under any circumstance because I feel maybe your just jealous because you want what you can't have my husband so stop sticking your nose in everyone elses business and get a life of her own.
Brianna

Answer 8

First of all let me congratulate you and trying to keep your sanity. Try to speak to your husband about the problems that you are having with his ex-wife and how disrespectful she is. Being rude to an adult is one thing but an innocent child is just plain crazy. What she is doing is that she probably still love your husband and because she can't have him no one else can. But try to talk to him and if it doesn't work confront her in a calm and adult like manner with your husband hiding so that he can hear or tape it and make him know what is happening and that it is really stressful what she is doing.

Wish you all the best

Answer 9

I put up with a psychotic ex-wife for 9 years. She did stupid stuff like this ALL the time even after she married. Yes, we had words more than once...but the best thing you can do is kill her with KINDNESS. Be so nice to her that she can't stand it. All her problem is she is jealous of the life her ex is living because it doesn't involve her and he has moved on with life and love. Let her keep making an *** out of herself and bite your tongue when need be.

Answer 10

Blow up or wind up in the "Home for Nutty Wives".
This woman is jealous and she is vindictive. She feels that you are a threat. To use something as tired as barrettes, is stupid and very sad. To use her daughter to get back at you is criminal. Your husband had better speak up or it will never get better. He has to put her in her place, not you. Tell your husband that his wife is raising their child to be an ignorant bigot. That should get his attention!!
Live your life and don't worry about her, when she makes comments to you about the next stupid thing, don't even react, just look at her with a dead-pan face and say "really", then comment on something totally irrelevant to the situation, like "It looks like rain", or "I heard that gas was going up again".
It will drive her mad.

Answer 11

I have to say, when I first opened this I thought is was just gonna be another of those whiny "she's mean cuz I took her man" letters. I almost wish it were!
What kind of scum is mean to a child? Your daughter is not to blame for the bad choices of the ex wife.
Try killing her with kindness, anything else could lead her to keep your husband from seeing his daughter.

I HATE people who pick on kids... I want to slap this broad.