what would you do?

Question

my husband forgot to sing out of myspace and yahoo. I found emails he sent to girls. He sent one saying we were divorced and he didnt have have feelings for me anymore and he has been chating with other girls on myspace. Telling them he is falling for them and they are pretty. we have been married a year and we have a 7 year old. This has been going on since before we got married. I am shocked. He would take me to work them come back and chat. To me this is cheating. what would you do if this was you. Ladies only. thank you confused and hurt.

Answer 1

First of all, I want you to know you aren't alone, this is happening more and more. And it is CHEATING. There's no other word for it, it might be all fun and games to your husband but it's an emotional affair. There's been no physical contact, but he's doing you so wrong. This is so wrong, and I would totally be upset. You got every right to be mad, hurt, and in shock!

Please tell me you printed these emails and other things out! They are you proof, sweetie. You need to sit down with your husband and see what he has to say for himself. There is no good excuse for this. You can also warn him, that he's putting him and his family in danger. There are some nut jobs out there, that will believe every word and may act on them. It has happened, some stranger show up on your doorstep. I don't want to frighten you, but this happen a good friend of mine. This woman believed every word that the man was telling her. And she came to claim her man!

Honey, you and him have got some talking to do. Make arrangements for your 7 year old to be out of the house. And get to getting so answers. Tell him that you want the truth, and that you are very hurt and shocked by his behavoir, and it's not right. You don't deserve to be treated like this, and what have you done to him to make him do this. Don't yell or holler, that's not going to help things. But please let him explain and listen to him. And he should listen to you.

Praying that all goes well, and he realizes how immature this is, and that trouble is a brewing, and what is he going to do about it! Sweetie, take care, quard your heart, please be ready for answers that you might not want to hear. It's choices and decisions only you can make, and if you decide to forgive him, he's got some making up and proving to you he's trustworthy again.

Bless us and your little family, praying for quick answers and solutions to your problems.

God bless us all...............

Answer 2

Yes very hurt and I can see why. You have options here! I would buy a divorce packet, when he is sitting at the table waiting for his supper put it infront of him, tell him you are ready if he is. Be prepared for actions of divorce but I would rather do this then continue living a lie. Tell him seems how he is telling other women that you two are divorced then that is what he shall get and you might as well be. You have to be careful for what you wish for and if these are his wishes they will be granted! Be calm and collected do not react to anything he may say or do. This man can not be trusted! For all you know he already has messed around on you behind your back. Divorce may be the last thing you want but by putting it before him and going from there will clear up the whole mess, it may be the last thing he wants and this just might be the wake up call he needs for him to change his behavior and for him to see just how wrong his actions are. That is what I would do! If he were to sign the paper and agree to a divorce be greatful that you found out now and not later after he gives you a v.d or something else on those lines. I would not dicuss anything else, there would not be anything else to dicuss other then who's moving out!

Or you could look at this in a whole different light and ask him if he needs some strange, if he says yes and you don't want a divorce tell him you can arrange that for him and do just that! Ask yourself if you can love this man unconditionally or not. But no matter what, he needs to be honest! Which he has not been!

You could also start to look at this like, so what it's on-line and not actually happening but this will only lead to something else, and it will not solve the problem, not to mention your insecurities about him being faithful or not especially while you're at work or anywhere else, you need a man you can trust and well sister, he's not that man. Sorry! It doesn't mean he can't be but you've got to help him get to that point and maybe he is frightened to be honesty about his sexuality with you. Which is crazy if you can't be honest about you sexuality with your spouce then who can you be honest about it with!?!Marrage is for the mature, and honest and there is no room for jealousy, and unconditional love for one another will open new doors of your own relationship.

Hope all works out well for you.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear about this. Personally I would make copies of some of the e-mails and anything else that you have found and sit down and talk to him, show him the letters. At first he will be mad saying you should not have been reading my e-mails-but then you can tell him if you are doing nothing wrong there should be no problem reading it. If he agrees to stop and tells you he is sorry-will you honestly be able to trust him again?? I know this is easier said than done-maybe you and your child should move out or have him move out and you and your child start over fresh. It won't be easy-but then you won't feel like everytime your at work he is doing something wrong. Be careful it could lead to him going outside the e-mails as well. Good Luck to you and your family which ever road you choose.

Answer 4

Ouch!! Cheating online is just as effective as cheating with a person. His dialogue basically says that is unhappy with his current situation and he is living in a fantasy. AND HE IS A LAIR!!!!. There is nothing worse than that. I agree with the others when they suggest to confront him. Follow the suggestion of print them out. Because once you have evidence that gives you a lot more weight to the subject. After that, ask him if he want to resolve this with counselling. Please don't feel that it is your fault at all, but you might not have anything to do with his problem. So don't beat yourself up. Remember, you are hurt and very emotional right now, be careful of what you say or how you approach this situation. In other words, gather yourself and pray and then go at it. But never with raw emotions. Everything can be resolved if the both of you want it to. I really hope you work this situation out, because it is major.

Answer 5

He is cheating on so many levels. I would confront him and I would give him an ultimatum. He either stops the online chatting, lying and flirting or leaves. If he doesn't then shut his accounts down yourself - you can do it, just delete them! If it comes down to playing dirty - remember, two can play at that game. If that's not something you're willing to do (and really I wouldn't recommend it - remember two wrongs don't make a right) then just let him go live in la-la land with his own mind in cyberspace. He will soon realize how nice it was to have a real live woman to sleep with at night and be there in the morning but when he looks up from his computer - - ooops! he screwed up because you aren't there any more.

Answer 6

Of course you're confused and hurt - his behavior is unconscionable. I'd print out the email and ask when the divorce was finalized. After that, I'd take those emails to a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. This is a farce of a marriage and you'd be better off without the guy.

Answer 7

It absolultely is cheating! Do not kid yourself about this. He is also lying to you and to them. You need to nip this thing in the butt right away. If he is not happy with you, the least he could have done is talk to you about it instead of chase of women.

Before you confront him however, keep your child's best interest in mind. Maybe have your child go visit a friend or family member for a sleepover and then get everything out in the open. He needs to know that you know EVERYTHING and that you will NOT put up with it. If he can't stop all of it immediately, then it's time to leave (or have him leave). There is no excuse for it and you shouldn't have to put you and your child through this.

Stand up for yourself and don't let him do this to you. You deserve far better!! Good luck.

Answer 8

If this has been going on for quite some time, you must leave. If you stay in that relationship is going to make you miserable and without any strength to leave him and get it over. I was in the same situation and I decided to stay with him, but he never changed. Worst, he gone more and more abusive and cheating with many of his on line friends and coworkers. When I confronted many times, he used to say "you can't prove me anything".
We went on and off many times, but until now, he does not want to change. I did the same to him, so he could feel the pain. It was the worst mistake of my life.I'm separated from him now, but I still have feelings for him. Sometimes I think that I could have been strong enough to leave him before, probably I couldn't had done the mistakes I did. Move on, learn from my lesson. You sound young, don't look back.Think of your daughter. Do you want her to do the same mistakes as you did? Or do you want her to be happy, knowing that her mom is a strong woman? Do you want to be happy? Then go for it. Plan it before any move, until you are sure you can be on your own. For all means don't let him trap you in his lies, or charms.Mine did, so I stay with him. It was only to prolong the agony, going trough the whole cycle again. Learn from me, and get over him. It's gonna take some time, but you'll heal soon. You'll be fine.

Answer 9

You should definately confront him. I had something similar happen to me but I wasn't married. He was just my boyfriend. I told him that if he wanted to continue a relationship with me then the social networking has got to STOP!! He obviously wanted to be with me, so he stopped. I caught him logging back on a few times more times but I became angrier and angrier until eventually he stopped!! I like the idea of printing out your evidence but you've probably already closed out the page. It's been going on far too long. CONFRONT HIM NOW before it goes any further. Who the heck knows what else he might be hiding.

Answer 10

You need to confront him. He is cheating. You are the only one he should be connected to emotionally. Maybe he's just getting kicks out of these on-line chats, but if it hurts you or makes you feel insecure, you need to address it. Besides, you certainly wouldn't want to find out after the fact that he actually met up with some of these people, would you?