My husbnad had been doing some awful things behind my back that I found out about including an "emotional" affair which he always preached to me about, I really think he may have been cheating and I just want to know if he has a guilty concsions about it and seems like he wants to tell me, he keeps asking if I love him and he keeps telling me he wants to start with a clean slate, I am willing to start with a clean slate if I could know the truth. How can I get him to be truthful to me when all he has been doing is lieing to me for the past 2 years. Before that he was almost the perfect husband to me. How can I know if he is lieing? Would he want to keep changing the subject? Would he keep asking me if I really do love him?
2007-04-12 05:12:58 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Starting with a "clean slate" is not an option. You can forgive and work through this if you are willing, but that is your choice, not his. His job is repentance and learning to build trust and change what went wrong before. You both need help for this. Do not allow this to just be "erased" and try to start over like this didn't happen. Get help, go to counselling, insist that if you are going to move forward it will be with both eyes open. If he won't go there, move out. Don't divorce unless you have solid proof of infidelity, but don't let him play you and avoid consequences.
He wasn't a perfect husband before, no one is, and if this happened now, its roots were there before. You didn't have good communication before, and sounds like he doesn't want it now. It's critical to moving forward from here.
2007-04-12 05:56:46 · answer #1 · answered by mom of 5 in CA 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and he need to have a serious talk, and I mean serious. Let him know that your marriage is on the line and that you both need to be honest and open with each other about everything that is and has been going on. If two people are willing to work at the marriage, it can survive and thrive. But it has to be based on complete trust and honesty. In order to wipe the slate clean, you need to know what it is that you're wiping. So long as he keeps things from you, these things will always come between you.
2007-04-16 04:17:13 · answer #2 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not simply tell him what you're feeling. And that you need to know what's going on. If you cant resolve it between yourselves. Seek some professional help. Dont let it disrupt your feelings and life. If he's actually done something wrong, perhaps you really dont want to know all the details. That will open up a whole 'nother bag of worms. It could also be that if he's done something, his guilt may be killing him. So it may be best for both of you to consult a professional together.
2007-04-12 05:23:14 · answer #3 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make someone to be truthful to you right away. It needs to be build up as time goes and if you guys really love each, you should trust each other. I think you should stop talking to him for a short period of time and really think about do you love this man that much after all those unfaithful behaviours. Also this will let him realise that his wife is precious. (no offence, everyone can be perfect, but they can be pretending, you never know)
2007-04-12 05:20:36 · answer #4 · answered by Denise T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me like you already know the answers to these questions, but need reassurance you are not being neurotic.
once you suspect, he might as well cheat. you dont trust him, thats for sure. and you shouldnt. his behavior leads you to think he is being an unfaithful liar. usually, lying and cheating go hand in hand.
good luck. move on. he is not worth it. find a husband who isnt shady
2007-04-12 05:29:43 · answer #5 · answered by sweetblueyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater.
You need to get yourself to the doctor for HIV/AIDS and STD testing. Then you both need marriage counseling if you want to work on the marriage and the trust issues.
2007-04-12 05:17:09 · answer #6 · answered by kja63 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hide a tape recorder...get some evidence, then confront him.
2007-04-12 05:15:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
tell him you want a divorce and remind him that he will be paying support for you and your kids, if this doesn`t make him talk to you nothing will
2007-04-13 11:31:33 · answer #8 · answered by RUSSELLL 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he aint then there is no hope no answer to that. you need to just leave him he is a ********
2007-04-12 05:16:12 · answer #9 · answered by K3LLI3_MARI3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋