I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 24. We live together and both have good jobs. Before we bought our house together i told him that i really wanted to have children within the next two years and he said that was fine by him. Recently i said to him that the 2 years was up and i really want to have a baby soon but now he says he's not ready and wants to wait another 2 years! I'm 28 this year and really want to start having children before i'm 30. I don't want to nag him or put pressure on him but can anyone suggest ways i can talk to him about setting a date without freaking him out? I don't want to wait another 2 years then be told 'another 2'. Thanks!
2007-04-12 04:52:15 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
Thanks for all the answers so far... I know a lot of you seem to think it's really wrong but we discussed marriage and we don't really see it as a necessary thing he is happy to get married if i want to and i would probably do this before i have kids but just a small ceremony. Getting him to commit to me in that way is not the issue!
2007-04-12 05:06:03 · update #1
It's hard being stuck with someone who doesn't want what you want. My first problem would be why won't he marry you. The next question I would have is do you really want a baby, or do you really want a baby with him? If you are on a time frame ( and I don't blame you for wanting the kids before you are 30), sounds like you are going to have a hard time keeping to it with a younger man. Maybe you should reconsider whether he is the one or not.
2007-04-12 05:04:29 · answer #1 · answered by e_imommy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi! In this situation the best thing you can do is have a chat with him and find out WHY he doesnt' feel ready. Just fobbing you off with it isn't really fair, especially as he already said he'd be happy to have kids within 2 years. If you put it gently enough, you'll not be nagging-its more a case of you understanding each others feelings, and maybe reasons behind those feelings.
I'm sure all will work out for the best, but unfortunately if he's not going to be forthcoming with complete answers, you may either need to accept it or find someone who wants children out of a relationship.
2007-04-13 11:13:01 · answer #2 · answered by Loulla 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you guys are going about it the wrong way. Maybe you should try marriage first. Enjoy each other for another year or so after that. Because when the baby comes there won't be alot of time for just you two. Talk to him about it again and see what happens. It might be a good thing that he wants to wait. He might not be ready to settle down and be a full time father yet. Listen to each other and I'm sure it will work out fine. Good luck!
2007-04-12 05:03:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't set a date with him, if you two own a house together and are living together and talking about having kids...but yet not talking about getting married. That is really scary. It sounds to me like he is not ready to settle down and most men at age 24 are not. He has made his feeling clear and if you coerse him into it, or guilt him into it, then a couple years down the road he will resent you and possibly the baby and leave. If you want kids and marriage then you need to leave him or wait for him. Those are your choices. My brother does not want to have kids at all, my soon to be sister-in-law had to choose, she hopes he will change his mind, but if he doesn't she is okay with that, and she has said it took a lot of soul searching, she had to make sure she wouldn't resent him either. He isn't ready, he has been honest and made that very clear. He is still very young. You now need to make your decision, either wait it out, or go searching for someone that can make your dreams come true. I would suggest marriage first though :)
2007-04-12 04:59:31 · answer #4 · answered by Barbara C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's very important, when planning a family, that both parents will be committed to having the baby. It's not fair on a child to have to grow up with a Dad who didn't really want him in the first place.
However, your boyfriend told you he would want one by now and you're not getting any younger so it needs to be sorted quickly.
Ask your boyfriend for the truth about why he doesn't want one yet and does he ever want one in the future.
He might not want one so he tells you "in 2 years" to keep you satisfied. If this is the case you need to decide whether you can stay with him knowing this, or will you have to move on.
It might be that he has simple worries about it that he feels he can't talk to you about.
Be really understanding with him so he feels comfortable to tell you the truth.
Whatever the outcome, don't let him brush you off with the 2 years story.
2007-04-13 05:33:11 · answer #5 · answered by LauraMarie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well a lot can happen in two years......he's matured......I mean you're never really ready to be a parent but I think he REALLY isn't ready. Two years ago he said "we'll have children in 2 years.".....but at the time, 2 yrs was a long way and thought he would be ready. He might want to enjoy "married" life without kids. Children take up a lot of your time and I just think he's not ready. You kind of have to understand him. Talk to him & don't be afraid. I mean are you two planning to be together forever? Maybe those aren't his plans. You two don't want to have kids if you're going to split later. I really just think you need to sit down and talk. Tell him just what you told us. Good luck!
2007-04-12 05:08:21 · answer #6 · answered by Jocelyn's mommy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know that having a baby is at the top of your priority list, but if it isn't for him, then there could be major problems down the road. I completely understand the age thing, but men think differently than women when it comes to child rearing. All the advice I can give you is this: Sit down and have a heart to heart with him. There is no reason that you should deprive yourself from the goals you have. But at the same time, he shouldn't have to feel pressured by the situation. Feeling trapped could cause him to resent you and the child. Honesty is definitely the best policy. I wish you the best and hope everything works out for you!
2007-04-12 05:01:48 · answer #7 · answered by mtippett17 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him why he's changed his mind now after you already told him you want one at this time. As much as this is a joint desision it sounds like he's changing his mind to suit his needs. Tell him that he knew how you felt and how long you wanted to wait so if he wasn't happy with that he shouldn't have said so. Obviously you can't force him to but you should tell him your not going to be fobbed off anymore and children are a big part of your plans and soon!! If he doesn't like it then let him go because by the time he eventually comes round and wants one it could be too late! Good luck xx
2007-04-12 05:22:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had this same problem with my husband. I'm 24 & he's 25. If your boyfriend has never been around kids, it probably scares him to become a dad. That was the problem with my husband, he said he was scared to death before. What I think helped my husband get ready for kids of our own, was having him deal with my friends' kids, not really knowing that I was trying to ease him to the idea of kids. Escpecially toddlers 'cause they are the cutest and so much fun! Now, we're pregnant with our first child and he couldn't be happier! So, try having him spend some time with kids, while you're around, so he'll feel comfortable with you being by his side.
2007-04-12 05:05:41 · answer #9 · answered by Kari S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if u dont want to wait 2 years tell him that maybe you can come to a compromise.
maybe a year..explain to him that it can take some time to even conceive then you have another 9 months on top of that.
so there could very well be a year.
But I would find out if he does plan on having children if he doesnt better to know now than later.
2007-04-12 04:59:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋