Should the full-time step-mom be included in the communication of scheduling plans of the kids?

Question

I was told by the biological mother, before the dad and I married, that the kid's schedules, etc. were between her and him. Now that we are married and I am the f/t step-mom and my schedule is greatly affected by their choices, is it too much for me to expect to be included in the communication of plans? I'd love to hear from other's who have been in my shoes. Many thanks in advance.

I am a f/t step-mom because the kids reside with us on a full-time basis. The mother only gets them one weekend day per week, and occasionally a mid-week visit to the doctor, etc. She is supposed to have them during the summer, but that rarely works out.

Answer 1

You should be included, if not by the mom then your husband. I have 3 step children, when My husband and ex make plans he always calls me before anything is settled to see what I have in the works for the day or weekend. Being a step parent shouldnt just exclude you as nothing, you have plans and a life too, Talk to your husband and explain to him what this is doing to you. Good luck

Answer 2

You absolutely have the right to have a say in the scheduling of plans. The bio mom can build her schedule around the child's life and you can too, but you should have a say in it.
My 17 y.o. stepson has been living with us for 7 years. He stays at mom's summer, winter break and every other week-end.
For 7 years, I haven't been able to make a real "concrete" schedule because the kid and his mom are always changing plans. It's been a huge issue. Here's an example. My husband and I have plans to go away for the weekend. His mom will say she has "plans" so she can't take him. We're the ones who have to cancel reservations, make other plans, etc. so bio mom can do whatever it is she does. It hasn't gotten better.
I would suggest counseling. I've learned so much and it's been very helpful. You will need the support of your husband and he can't be wishy-washy.
Tell your husband you're willing to schedule around the kids but once the plans are made, that's how they'll stay (of course unless there's some emergency). Don't back down cause if you do, you probably won't have much of your own life. Good luck.

Answer 3

yes you should. if the children live under your roof, the mother needs to leave you to planning your life. Also, you do need to understand that they are her children, and she may feel the need to still have that section of their lives under her control. still, you are their full time step mother, which, to me means that they're with you more than their real mother. if it is affecting your life, you need to be the one planning things. i simply thing it is a control issue on their mother's part, and she'll eventually let it go
she loves her children, this is apparent. also, it may hurt her alot that you are their full time mother and not her. i know from the experience of my aunt that it is really hard for a mother to let go of a child and let another person step in as the "motherly figure" just keep doing what you're doing, help plan their lives. dont act, however, as though you are trying to take the mother's place. involve her as the third party in some planning so she still feels involved. things will work out in the end. hope this helps!!! good luck

Answer 4

You should be included and its your husbands responsibility to include you. Dont expect much from the childrens mom. Your husband should talk with you before making plans with her.Question how are you a "full-time step mom" do the kids live with you are you home all day with your step kids? If that is the case then you definitely should be in on the planning but again from your husband is where that should come from.

Answer 5

are not her toddlers the superb source of innovations relating to the Step- mom's interactions along with her toddlers?--it rather is a extensive NO NO...you do no longer "pump" innovations out of the toddlers approximately what is going on over at daddy's domicile. no longer a powerful element to do. it truly is superb that first the parents of the toddlers take a seat and talk, and from there the step parents ought to comprehend what the parents desperate and thats what the step parents ought to artwork with. If Bio-mom and Step mom can talk, that's much greater helpful. There ought to be greater communique and much less scuffling with..that way anybody is on the comparable internet site, and the toddlers are happy too. they are not put in the tug of conflict of co parents.

Answer 6

The ex-wife is just being an A---hole. She should be jumping for joy that someone is nurturing and providing love and support to her children. Your thoughts and feelings should be taken into consideration. I hope your husband appreciates you. My ex-husband and I have a great working relationship for our children who are now adults, and the number 1 reason is due to the step-mother, she was always there for the kids, and I have enormous amounts of respect for her. My Ex dated all these women prior to her that were just selfish and evil girls, this girl came along and loved my kids unconditionally, and she is a lot younger than him. There are good women and men out there, being the step parent is an unappreciated role, but people don't see with the divorce rate as high as it is in this country, any child could become a step parent someday, it is important to show people we all need to be appreciated. The kids will grow someday and they will see the real hero in the situation.

Answer 7

Good luck to you in getting what you deserve. My fiance's son is 16 years old now so the son pretty much sets his own schedules but when he was younger...I couldn't do anything "parental" with him without my fiance's ex having a fit. I couldn't have an opinion on "their" son without causing a huge problem with his ex. Unfortunately, their son suffered a lot and now, he is not doing so well in school and he is out partying frequently but more importantly, he is very confused as to who he is or what the reality is (result of his mother lying to him too much).

No, I was not his step-mom but I was around their son full time (for the past 10 years) and I picked him up at school, activities, friends', etc. and planned birthday parties, events, etc. and I was the one that showed up at his school events, when he needed a ride home from anywhere and when he was in trouble with authorities.

I apologize for going on and on but it really bothers me that he (the son) is sooo brainwashed into thinking that I am such a bad person. I think the problem with my situation was that my fiance never backed me up because he was afraid of confrontations and complications.

Yes, I do think that you should be involved in the kid's schedules but you'll HAVE TO get your husband to put his foot down (with his ex) and insist on having you included. I wish you luck.

Answer 8

Number one you are the Step mon and you are married to the childrens dad. When you married you comitted yourself to having say so about the children and if your husband does not allow you this then you need to divorce him and find someone who would appreciate you.
YOu have all the right to make the decissions as well.
If he does not see it that way then really all you are to him is a booty call and a live in house maid / baby sitter
Blessed Be!

Answer 9

To any normal person, no, it's not too much for you to be included, but it really does depend on your husband and his ex, if they are going to include you or not. Tell your husband if they do not include you, that there schedule is going to have to stop affecting you. And if they need your help, they will come around.

Answer 10

Yes, if your the one who takes them to school events and such you should be included. I was in your shoes and me the ex were good about getting together about these things. At first she wasn't but I was the one who took them to doctor visits, baseball practice and ect. I talked with her about my work schedule and talked about if this wasn't acceptable to her than she needed to make arrangements to take off early to get the kids to these things, things changed quick when she thought it would inconvenience her. I can tell you first hand step parents are not appreciated at all.