Told my cheating ex wife what I thought do I need therapy?

Question

My wife of 10 years ran off with a coworker 5 months ago. She told me that she was unhappy. I was doing really well and the divorce anger finally got to me. I called her a wh*re. I feel like crap now because now she can justify her affair with him and everybody. She had sex with me the night she left me for him so I just kind of called it how I saw it. I'm thinking of going to therapy because how could I love someone and call them that? She is the mother of my two kids and yes I still love her and I know it is over. We had what I thought was a good marriage and I honestly think she was happy until she met him. Was this bad to call her that and a few other things? Should I get help because I do not want to be verbally abusive towards anybody not even my ex who cheated on me. If I am being verbally abusive does therapy help?

Answer 1

You said a few mean words. She ruined her marriage. I think what she did was far worse than what you did. Is she allowed to treat you that badly, and you aren't allowed to get angry or retaliate in any way? Are you just supposed to always be Mr. Nice no matter what she does to you?

No I do not think you need therapy. What you said was normal under the circumstances. I would have said a lot worse!

Answer 2

Therapy? You can't be serious man. If you told her that all you think about is cutting her up with a chainsaw or something similar then yeah you might need some help. All you did was call her a name in reaction to her adultry. I think maybe a woman who destroys a family over sex is in need of some therapy.
She should expect to be called a whore or have some anger directed at her. You didn't do anything outside the norm. Forget her and move along. Did she have any friends you bang? If so, I'd start there.

Answer 3

Dont feel bad about the name calling,, call a spade a spade - just dont do it in front of the kids. At least you only called her a wh*re and didnt beat the crap out of her or worse.

Trust me, ,you sound like a really good guy and you have every right to say your mind brother. As for still loving her,,, that's natural man.. I was in your shoes,, My wife cheated and then left me for a far lesser man.. it was very difficult to deal with initially - especially when i confronted her with proof from a P.I. and she still bold face denied it. I was so mad,, i knew i had to get out of there because i was about to do something i wouldve regretted. She deserved the verbal lashing.. and yes i was still in love with her for a good year after the divorce. I ended up leaving the area and starting over,, that made it easier - of course with kids its hard to move away.. but if your not too far away (say 3 or 4 hours) you can still easily see your kids on appointed weekends.

Answer 4

For goodness sake, man, give yourself a break! Quit being so apologetic and remorseful about a situation wherein you were the one that was wronged! Come on now. She has sex with you one last time, knowing that she was running off with another man, and when you subsequently call her a whore you feel bad about it? This is absurd!!! Yes, go to counseling. It will help you adjust. And get your social life revved up again. Start easy, with friendly co-workers. It won't be easy but you have to force yourself to get back into the relationship game. You will be rusty at it. And you won't want to do it (you have already shown a propensity to be mired in depressed and self doubt rather than putting things behind you). The point is that that particular chapter of your life was a bad chapter, but it is over. You are the one writing the book. You will determine whether the next chapter has a happier ending. Life is short, my cyber friend, and each of us ultimately decides whether we want to be happy and optimistic, or sad and defeated. Do not let this ruin your life. Put it behind you. Make the next chapter a better one, for the sake of your kids if not for yourself. Go forth, man!! Throw your chest out a little bit and say to yourself, "I am the master of my own destiny! That was a mere bump in the road, but the road stretches endlessly ahead! I am going to drive forward!!!" I wish you luck. You have already reached out to us, your cyber family, in an effort to find an answer, and that tells me you have a good chance to put this behind you and move forward. I hope this answer helps you. You are a good man and you were wronged. For goodness sake, don't let it ruin your life. And remember that you have your cyber friends out here to advise you. We will always be there for you....

Answer 5

You called her what she was. She cheated and you do not accept this behavior. Divorce and look for someone who will not cheat. Therapy can help you with the feelings. remember; Behind the anger is hurt, and behind the hurt is love. The love you say you feel towards your ex will leave and hopefully immediately, She turns on you and has destroyed all you value for what? For a fling. I'd never trust her again., I've gone through this after a 19 year marriage. Good riddance to her and move on and find meaning and joy. read Creative Divorce. .

Answer 6

getting your thoughts out would be healthy for you...a therapist would be the best person because you do not have to worry about your words getting back to anyone. what you said does not justify her affair in any way. she is in the wrong and she may never see that, nor will she see how selfish she is being. Not only has she affected you, but also your family. You did nothing wrong, please remember that. My last boyfriend of two and a half years left me for another woman, which whom he was having a baby...this man told me he wanted to marry me...well, it didn't happen. But over three years later, I found a wonderful man...I am not saying the pain will all end quickly, but it will. Get all the anger out of your heart and begin the process of forgiveness and healing. good luck to you...

Answer 7

Dude,
Sticks and stones..............
As for verbal abuse, don't feel poorly for calling it as you see it. If bailing out with no notice and moving in with another guy does not rise to "whore" what does?

Do yourself a favor, go get that therapy to deal with your feelings. Go see a lawyer and make sure that you get the kids and the house and she gets supervised visitation so she does not teach your children her whoring ways. Then make sure gets little or nothing.
You are justified in having ill will toward her and never thought that way about her until she revealed herself as the lying, cheating, whore she turned out to be. You can provide yourself some solace in adopting that attitude.
Get that therapy so you can resolve the desire to beat the living crap out of her too. That is not a good thing.

Anything that came up after the fact was not ground for what she did.

Hang in there.
Good Luck.
BTW go get that therapy.

Follow up. I do believe you need to see your lawyer and go for sole custody. She is living in sin and you do not want your kids in that environment.
Furthermore one of your questions said the guy is a school teacher! I also think a lawsuit for aleienation of affection as well as a letter drafted by your attorney to the school administration regarding his ethics in the worlplace ( moving in on a married woman) put his ability to work in the district where your kids are now exposed to his living in sin in question.

Answer 8

The past can't be changed. All you can do is move on and do the best you can. At least that's what I've come to realize coming from a similar situation. For the sake of the kids, try to be nice to each other. Therapy can never hurt.

Answer 9

At some point you have to be angry it is normal and being to polite is against nature, You do not need any help and although an affair by spouse is usually cause by the deficiency in marriage sometimes cheaters do it just for the thrill of sex.

Answer 10

That is bullshit if she is trying to convince you that the FIRST time she had sex with him was the night she left you. What a liar. She made a promise with you, faked you out by building a family, and then selfishly did what a married person promises they will not. ANYONE can be married if you don't follow the promise!

Therapy will help- but stop worrying about her. You called her a whore because she is one.