My boyfriend Jack is the sweetest,most thoughful, romantic,devoted and loyal man I have ever known and he means the world to me.We've been together for 3 years and have been living together for half that time.We're both 24 and the last 3 years of my life with him have been the best I've ever had.Last week we found out he has acute myloid leukaemia.I was there when he got the news and he was devastated.The night after we got the news he told me he wanted to break-up because he doesn't want to put me through this and that I owe him nothing even though it'd never cross him mind to leave me if the situation were reversed.He's been there for me through everything never leaving my side and I desperately want to be there for him.I love this guy to death and want to be there for him so why won't he let me?
2007-04-12 03:34:18 · 18 answers · asked by Jackie 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
He's not dying.He's going to be undergoing intensive treatment.
2007-04-12 03:46:44 · update #1
he told you the answer . he most likely will at some point think your being with him just because he is dying.
if your sure you want to help and do this not out of pity or shame then find a way to do that.
2007-04-12 03:39:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow. He probably thinks he's doing the right thing and pushing you away because he doenst want to burden you with his "sickness", and all of the emotional trauma that comes with it. I would imagine that there's an extreme amount of guilt as you get sicker and sicker, how people have to help you out, and he doesnt want to be a burden on you because your time with him has already been happy. Perhaps he doesnt want to ruin it? (though not realizing he IS ruining it by not letting you help him in this time when it's easier for everyone if they have a support system if they are going thru this). So between guilt, and his lack of feeling like he can do anything to fix this problem, wants to spare you. All you can possibly do is give him a little space, but tell him that you are and will always be there for him, check on him like you would a good friend (if he's deadly serious, and you end up moving out b/c of this or something).......it's all you can do. I am sorry........... =(
2007-04-12 03:43:33 · answer #2 · answered by it'sjustme79 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when we have something as devastating as this happen it shockes our system. Guys in geneneral think differently, but don't take this to heart. He himself is finding it really hard to deal with and he probably feels he does'nt want to hurt you any more.He is going through a little self pity right now but this is normal. Unfortunately you feel like your paying for this with the break up. All I can suggest to you is just go over and talk to him and tell him exactly how hard it is for you to go through this as well. Remind him that you have been together for 3 years and no matter what he says you will be with him for as along he is alive.Be tough with him and show him you are having just as much problems dealing with it as him,but renind him he is the most important person in your life and you need him as much as he needs you. Tell him to have a positive look and pray to god every night this will help him with his vell being. I'm not a real religious person but I had a medical scare a few years(8) back . As a result I do not hear any more. I'm totally deaf / Istill beleive a positive outlook will make things better. Don't give up he may try to keep pushing you away but be with him and talk to him as much as possible. You both nneed one another so bad through this time. I hope I could give you some good advise and take care.
2007-04-12 04:02:17 · answer #3 · answered by tbrown0793 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From my own understanding.... It has to do with several elements. One, he really doesn't want to put you through the ordeal he will be dealing with. Two, this is a big shock to him and he's still trying to process it.
HOWEVER.... The big one... I also suspect it may be a little self-defense mechanism at work too....
a) Guys are taught by society as boys that weakness is a bad thing. We're not suppose to show it. He may not want to appear weak in your eyes.
b) He may also be experiencing some fear that this may end up being too much for you to handle and you'll end up leaving him because of it. So, he's breaking up with you "first", so he won't have to deal with the feelings of rejection and loss.
c) Such an action may also allow him a feeling of control regarding a situation (the illness and having to deal with it) that he may be feeling powerless against.
Advice.... If you really love him, be there for him. Show him you're not willing to walk away from him just because he's sick. But your love and support should be offered as an open caring hand for him to hold onto, not as a grasping hand trying to hold onto him. That way he knows he can depend on you, not feel like he is under pressure to give-in to your wishes.
2007-04-12 04:06:08 · answer #4 · answered by Shaman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In any dating scenario, it is usually a mistake to look at a breakup as the absolute end of a relationship, especially if the other person is undergoing a severe external stress. I'm sure you've broken up with and returned to others, why not tell him that you are not there to hold him back and that one day at a time is all that anyone has, and that's all that you want from him. He doesn't need to break up with you to be free, because God has already given him free will, he's as free with you as he will ever be, and the only thing tying him down is his fear. Tell him to let go of his fears, for example, the fear that you might find him unattractive during therapy, or the fear of your pity. Tell him that you will need to rely on him and he on you, thank him for wanting to spare you his pain, but tell him you will be more thankful for the honor of sharing it, and sharing in his victory over it.
2007-04-12 04:42:26 · answer #5 · answered by AHA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm glad to hear he is not dying, but maybe he just needs some time to come around. When people find out they have devastating medical news it's similar to a death-sometimes you just need some time alone for a little while to get your thoughts in line. Good Luck Sweetie and I'm sure he'll come around and you'll be right there. He will need someone in the days ahead, I can't believe the doctors did not discuss this with him. He will be needing someone, and someone that is strong and will stick in there for him all the way. Brace yourself for many things in the days ahead. I know he will see the light and want you by his side- he'll need all the support he can get and he'll realize this in time. I pray God will give you the strength and ability to cope with the days ahead of you and you'll be strong and stay healthy for him and yourself. Good Luck Sweet-Heart and Best Regards to your Darlin!!
2007-04-12 04:16:41 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is going through a very emotional time. He is probably thinking of this as a death sentence and thinks he is saving you future pain. Just be there and dont change. If the love is meant to be..It will. Cancer is awful. Just hearing doctors mention is will make some run. Undersand he has alot on his mind and be patient. Best wishes ! When we suffer it is common to hold things insdie from those we love...it is not good...butwe do. I am going through tests for things. Some thngs I have shared with no one. Some are too painful physically and mentally..just be there
2007-04-12 04:12:38 · answer #7 · answered by -------- 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesnt want to become a burden to you or he is scared of the effects of the treatments and what they will do to him...He needs you more then ever right now but is afraid he will bring you down along with him as he fights for his life...Be there for him regardless of how he feels okay?My Husband tried to do this same thing to me when he was dying of heart disease...We seperated for 2 weeks,and in those 2 weeks I showed up at his Dr. appointments and the house with food,etc....where ever I felt he needed me I was there despite his objections,at the end of those 2 weeks I moved back home with him,he admitted to me he was afraid of how the med's would effect him and how he would treat me,I understood this but didn't accept it,he was grateful for my boldness,unfortunately he died 1 year later,but I know my presence was helpful..yours will be too..Good luck to you both..=)
2007-04-12 04:10:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey how r u? it sounds like u and ur man r very close. I would say that he is pushing u away because he loves u and doesnt want u to b hurt. this is prob as hard for him as it is u! he only recently got the news, maybe give him some time 2 himself, until he comes to terms with it in his own head, but b there for him whenever he needs u. remember, even tho u r hurting to, this is about him, not u, so let him do it his way. he'll *** back!
2007-04-12 03:47:52 · answer #9 · answered by melnmoo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh you poor thing. Jeez love really is painful sometimes. He cares the world for you, he doesn't want to see you get hurt. Tell him it is hurting you more if you don't see him and you want to be with him until the end. Your story is so sad, I cant help but cry. I hope the best of luck for you two. I hope you two can make the most of what life offers in the short time you have left together.
2016-05-18 01:14:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a little time sweetie. Take a short break for the news to sink in a bit and then ask how he is doing. Tell him that you love him and are miserable withouth him and just want to be there for him to help him through the bad times because you love him and not because he is sick. Good luck it is going to be tough.
2007-04-12 04:06:02 · answer #11 · answered by icunurse85 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋