when me n my husband got married a week after i found an email that he worte to a friend say that our marriage was just for the Green Card i found out i confronted him n asked him but he said that he wrote that email when he was mad @ me . i talked to him n he begged me not to leave him i stayed with him cuz i love him but that letter is still hunting me after a year already of being married i feel like he is usin me for my papers. how do i find if he wants to be with me cuz he loves me not for my papers?
2007-04-12 01:53:55 · 17 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Few people will ever admit their true motives for marriage. I respect that your husband was that honest with himself and with you. He probably did marry you THEN for the green card. Over time relationships develop and time will be the test. The important question is how commited are you both NOW to making it work? Do you believe in "till death do us part?" or only "until we are both ready to move on?"
Women have a bad reputation as gold diggers to marry their husbands for security, support and to have babies when they feel it is time for them. Men often marry women so that "mommy" can take care of them...clean, cook, do laundry, etc...some people just get married because they dated so long it is expected of them to get married.
Not every marriage begins with the best motivations. However, if you love him and you want the marriage to work, it is up to you both to make it work and forget the past. Analyze for yourself if you have ulterior motives yourself for marrying him...some love can be enabling or possessive. Now that he is yours, are you having self doubts that are really not connected to his motives?
I believe that good communication (read: efficient) is vital in a relationship. Just living together and seeing each other isn't enough...that is just being roommates and passing time. Spend time really having heart to heart conversations with him...you are life partners and sharing your life is what marriage is about.
2007-04-12 02:06:30 · answer #1 · answered by Dear Lady 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Where is he from?? I hate to make an assumption not knowing all the facts, but it is possible he married you just for the green card...
how does he act when you guys are alone and even when other people are around....does he act like a husband telling you he loves you or like a "good" friend?
2007-04-12 01:59:08 · answer #2 · answered by prettylady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be able to tell by his actions and emotional connection with you. Do you laugh together? Do you have fun? Do you have great sex? Do you hold hands and hold each other in bed? Does he call during the day to see how you are doing, and do you FEEL that he loves you? Or does he avoid you, not think about you, not want to touch you or talk to you.
These are all ways to tell if someone really loves you or not.
2007-04-12 01:58:44 · answer #3 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's EASY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tell him you wanna divorce him and stay with him for a year...if he agrees to be with you even though you're not married then he really loves you! If he's using you he'll admit it then...and to make it even more convincing...go get divorce papers from a lawyer or sth...that'll show him...and he'll probably tell you the truth then! ;)
btw...for those of you who DON't know anything...you have to be married AT LEAST 3 years for the green card to be given permanently!!! so one year is NOT enough to keep him in the country! (he probably knows that...that's why he says he still loves you)
2007-04-12 01:59:25 · answer #4 · answered by Noname26 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he's explained himself, only time can tell. I'm sure you love him so why break a marriage just because of a Green Card?
2007-04-12 01:58:11 · answer #5 · answered by SGElite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Report him to immigration if you feel he married you for the green card. Kick his *** out.
2007-04-12 01:59:54 · answer #6 · answered by BSE B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is becoming a common problem, women hooking up with guys in this situation. it sucks, but you'll just have to have faith, and don't combine your finances or he may take everything you own and disappear once his citizenship is final.
2007-04-12 02:30:17 · answer #7 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well wait another year and see if it is easier to say he doesnt care if you guys get a divorce, if he doesnt seem to care then yes it was for the card, if not then he really does love you
2007-04-12 01:58:47 · answer #8 · answered by lil mama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he married you for the green card, and you were Stupid to stay
he can leave now and not worry about it... you stayed for a year, thats ALL he needed
2007-04-12 01:57:22 · answer #9 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him lie detect test.... Some i feel that way too with my husband but i know he not because he love me... Been thought a lot with bad and happy stuff together.
2007-04-12 02:25:45 · answer #10 · answered by babyg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋