Is this abnormal /signs of domestic abuse starting?

Question

My Partner scares me sometimes. He has a bad temper and when he has had a drink in the past he has pushed me out of the house. He has raised a glass to my face. He has left me in strange towns we have visited when he gets drunk and it is sometimes late at night. He is very sensitive and if I say something suspicious he will wear me down to find out information and ask me the same question repeatedly.

Answer 1

Once you feel scared (in your context) especially of the one you love, that for me is the start of abuse. LEAVE. Someone who doesn't respect you doesn't deserve you.

Answer 2

Well, looks like the other guy got the most answers from his link. I'll just offer what I know as one who has been sexually abused and, as well, had to transcribe video transcription of "alleged" sexual abusers and the children they "allegedly" abused (which I had to quit shortly thereafter). Some immediate signs would be: - noticeably keeping a secret (the predator would have told him/her not to tell anyone) - repeated nightmares - not wanting to be touched - hypervigilent, even if for a moment, of strangers, or anyone he/she doesn't feel safe with. - Memory loss (A lot of this can become PTSD real quick if not addressed). - Big change in behavior (could be super shy, could be very angry - all are justified) There's much more that, well, I'm 50 and still have much blocked out, but do remember 3 sexual abuses, 2 under 18 and 1 by my past Psychologist. If you can have a conversation with this child (make sure it's a lot of blocked-out time so there are no disturbances), you can draw some pictures (before you start) of a stick-figure body and (work into this with small talk before getting to the hard stuff) and ask if anyone (or if you know who, say that person, or anyone else) has ever touched you and you didn't feel comfortable. If he/she says yes, say "Can you circle the part where the person touched you and you felt uncomfortable? (There is more, but this was a main thing that the interviewers of children did when the children were being interviewed. You can use stuffed animals as well. Pictures are a bit easier for children, I believe, because they just have to draw a circle and not actually touch the place on the stuffed animal which (to me) would bring it all back. Anyways, just a couple of ideas - not as thorough as the other person on here, but make sure if it's a boy to see a male therapist (unless he was sexually abused by a male, then use a female). With girl, use a female therapist or Psychologist. Insofar as Psychiatrist, I do not recommend them at this point until she/he's had plenty of therapy so the stuff can get up where it can be dealt with. Psychiatrists ONLY dole out drugs and always seem to find something that pills will stop. With sexual abuse, you want to get it up and out, then worked through with the therapist before numbing a patient. Best wishes.

Answer 3

YES! That is DEFINITELY a sign of potential domestic abuse. If at all possible, you might want to reconsider this relationship. Usually signs of violence escalate as time goes on, so this could get much worse. This person is likely dangerous.

I highly recommend three things.

1. First, get more information on domestic violence. The more you know, the better equipped you will be to deal with it. You can call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for more info, or try the websites below.

2. If he EVER hits you, even once, get out of the house and call the police. It is against the law. It is assault and battery. It IS domestic violence. Call the police, and ask for a victim advocate as well to help you through the system.

3. Have an escape plan. Talk to your friends and family about what is going on. Call the women's shelter in your area for directions and more advice. Prepare a plan, in case you ever have to leave. Leaving an abuser is sometimes the most dangerous time, and you want to be prepared for it. There is more information on this below, but you can start by making sure that you have your most important things put in the same place: social security card, money, important telephone numbers, birth certificate, and things like that.

I would consider adding that you should leave, but the truth is that this is too easy for me to say that. Your situation may make it difficult to leave. Perhaps he has you economically dependent on him, or perhaps you are afraid to leave. I can understand that. If you can find a way, though, I highly recommend it. This situation will likely get worse. Good luck!

Answer 4

This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. I don't know what you might say that is "suspicous", but the drinking can and often is a problem, and you two sound like you are bad for each other.

I can't imagine abandoning somebody I care about and respect anyplace for any reason.

I think you are probably going to have to end this toxic relationship, and that can be hard if you co-dependent or some sort of inverted narcissist or whatever. At any rate, my advice is to get out of this crazy relationship, and then spend a long time figuring out what was wrong with you that you got into it and stayed in the relationship one-day longer than the first time somebody abandoned you in a strange town if not sooner.

You only get the respect you deserve and ask for in this life. You have to respect yourself first, and if you don't, then you need to start taking steps to improve your life and build your self-respect and self-esteem.

Answer 5

plain and simply... YES it is abuse - suggest to get out of the situation and get help with it.

This is something you cannot change from within - he is already berating you and will make it seem like it is your fault if anything happens - this is why you need to leave the situation and then try to resolve it from a distance.

Do not let him know where you will be staying as he will come there and try to physically remove you and bring you back home. because this will royally piss him off.

I do suggest keeping in touch with him but do it publicly until he becomes more trustworthy. Let him know what it will take to have you come back and tell him you are willing to work with him to make it happen (if you are - don't lie to him)

professional help is best in these situations, but family/friends can be very useful as well. Communicate through a cell phone so it is less traceable - you don't want him doing a search and getting an address based on a normal phone number.

hope some of this helps.

Answer 6

Why are you still with this person? Is it a sign of abuse starting??...I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you are already living in it and only you know when it really started.
Pushed out of house, left alone in a strange town, etc.
This man is an abuser...you can blame it on drinking or anything you want to. The abuse will continue and it will more than likely continue to get worse.
You need to let your partner go and move on...find someone who treats you with love and respect...and who does not abuse physically, verbally or in any other way.

be cool...

Answer 7

This isn't signs of domestic abuse starting, you are right in the middle of it. Get out of that relationship now. Your partner has a drinking problem, and sounds very controlling as well. I found myself in a similar situation, and believe me, getting out is the best thing to do. Do it asap before you get hurt. If you feel threatened by him and afraid he might do something to hurt you when you break up, get a restraining order filed. When you move your stuff out of the house, make sure that he is not home and that you have people with you in case he comes back. You could probably call the police and have an officer there, especially if you are a victim of domestic violence. Good luck to you!

Answer 8

Yes this is abnormal and is already abuse. Its not a sign. It's abuse. It sounds as though it's mostly alcohol related; so it's a very good possibility that he's an alcoholic. I think it might be a good idea for you to talk with someone in a co-dependency support group like AL-ANON ... within the next 24 hours.

This site has info on where you can meet other people in the same situation:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Answer 9

This is very abnormal and dangerous too. Get away from him ASAP. If he had only done one thing, you can say the domestic abuse is starting. But he has done too many things to you, so I'd say it's in full force, with a pending unhappy ending if you don't leave him for your own health and welfare

Answer 10

What do you mean "are these signs of abuse STARTING"? Girl, you are living in a full-blown abusive relationship NOW! Get out while you still have two healthy legs to walk on.

Answer 11

Anything can happen in bad temper and what you say are signs of domestiv violence(i do not call it abuse).
You have two options... Either take it or leave it.
I would suggest a middle path. Whay don't u talk to him and make him relize about leaving in strange places just because he is drunk or raising a glass. If u thisnk u can make him realize it will be gud for both of you.
Otherwise u may neway do not want to keep this relationship in a long run