2007-04-12 01:28:52 · 10 answers · asked by tamacoon 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's decisions like that that drives some women to kill their children. The guilt won't kill you because you are finding ways to validate yourself by posting this question but you seem like a scumbag knowing she is good to you. Guilt won't kill you but what you will do will kill her.
2007-04-12 01:35:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I have lived with this scenario, too. And although I am no longer with this partner, it wasn't due solely to the children that we broke up. They played a small part, but not overly much. With that said I noticed it is extremely difficult to come into the children's lives. You aren't a Dad, you aren't a friend, so where does that leave you?? A very hard line to walk.
My advice would be to redefine your relationship with your stepchildren. You are not their parent, so don't parent them. All parental decisions are to be left with your wife and her ex-husband, if he is still in the picture. You can be a benevolent member of the household. If they need a ride, and you are so inclined, you can give them one. If they need help with their homework, and they ask, you can help. Any decisions regarding their welfare and behavior are strictly the realm of the parent. Don't even allow yourself to have an opinion on how they are acting unless it affects you in some way or you see they may be endangering themselves. And foremost, don't argue with them.
I know it sounds difficult, but it can be done. And if you truly love your wife, all you are doing is biding your time til you have her all to yourself.
Good luck
2007-04-12 09:00:53 · answer #2 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry to hear of your circumstance. It is very difficult most of the time to not only be a successful partner in a new relationship, but to be a father to exisitng children. If you want to leave this situation - then you must do so, but perhaps a good point of call before you do this would be to seek expert counselling. Many counsellors understand the issues surrounding your situation and your guilt will ease by knowing that you have tried as far as you can. Good luck.
2007-04-12 08:36:53 · answer #3 · answered by square_dotzz 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well not relaly sure of entire situation since you haven't gone into it but I'm assuming either you don't want to be in a relationship where children are involved or you aren't getting along with the kids.
If you simply don't want responsibility of children, then yes, you are better leaving because they can sense resentment and it affects them (I should know considering I was raised in that environment). If however, you are experiencing problems, perhaps should look at family counselling to resolve issues which may help.
2007-04-12 10:02:11 · answer #4 · answered by OziGirl_222 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
They say you should never stay together just for the kids? Well stuff splittin' up for them!! Surely your wife is aware of where you're at? She needs to take half of dealing with this one as it's probably about their biological father 'or' about not accepting direction from you. Either way it's a 'turf war' and one that must've been about before you got married. If they're old enough, tell'em to piss off, if they're not, be the man and deal with it. Good luck, wish you 'all' well.
2007-04-12 09:09:50 · answer #5 · answered by Talented Samo' 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Before you decide you want to leave try talking with her and tell her about the problems you are having with her children.Allot of times the children are being crappy to you because they blame you for the breakup of their family.I had the same troubles at first and once they got a little older they started coming around.Good luck with them I know how hard it is .
2007-04-12 08:35:00 · answer #6 · answered by Heather T 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You've asked this question twice within the hour and you are still getting the same answers. Did you honestly think they would be different? You married a woman when you knew you didn't care for her children. That is shameful.
2007-04-12 08:38:09 · answer #7 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know what your going thru....I married a woman with 3 children 23 years ago.....then the kids were 2,4,and 6.. nice cute kids we got along nice....family togetherness vacations,,school functions all was great. After a few years the oldest (a boy) started being nasty and quick towards me ,,we later found out his father was filling his head and the other childrens heads with fear that I will won't let them see him ,,I am hurting Mommy,,,I will be bad towards them..He was filling them with hateful lies towards me and driving them between my wife and I...well damage was done our closeness was destroyrd..the loving family torn apart BUT I stayed I did/do love my wife we worked out times for her to be and enjoy the children..STICK it out ..I did and after yeasr and years the kids came around and saw what was going on..I never left them, I never left them needing...I guess what I am trying to say is if you love her...stay ....It's worth anything ...
2007-04-12 08:56:57 · answer #8 · answered by akagriz 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have face the same problem with my mum, her husband had to divoce her and they never spoken since.She carries the pain till her death.
Dont leave you wife, be the man that you should.
2007-04-12 08:39:58 · answer #9 · answered by czaryang 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
How old are the step-children? They won't be there for ever. If you love HER stick around.
2007-04-12 08:34:14 · answer #10 · answered by bugs280 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋