Hi I am currently seeing an old bf for the last 2 mths and he has started talking about getting married already. I just came out of a relationship that I was in for the last 5 yrs and was supposed to be marrying my ex in 3 mths time before I called it all off, I dont know if this is playing a factor with my current bf here or not. I dont know how to handle the situation as he said I dont love him as much as he loves me but I do and then he says ok if I ask you to marry me what will you say. If I say no then he states what I just said and if I say yes I am rushing into things to please him. He has asked me 5 times already in the last 3 weeks. I do love him dearly plus it helps that we stayed friends for years after we broke up previously that is mainly why we are together now, we always loved each other and never admitted it as I was so young at the time ( I was 19 and he was 8 yrs older) and he told me before I married my ex. I know in my heart that I love him but marry him already???
2007-04-12 00:39:19 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
5 times in 3 weeks seems.. obsessive.
You obviously don't want to jump into marriage or you would have said yes the first time he asked.
Tell him that you don't want to rush into anything - that you're not ready - if he can't accept or respect that, it's a problem.
You should not be pressured into marriage, period.
2007-04-12 00:44:21 · answer #1 · answered by pepper 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm glad you were friends all this time, at least that means you two have a chance together. I would say something on the lines that you want to make a truly fresh start with him and that getting married so close to the date of your previous engagement is really hitting a sore spot for you. Tell him you want to have time to truly re plan things. Tell him you'd like to try moving in with him first, if you haven't done that already. Moving in with a person can be very difficult and can prove whether or not you'll make it as married couple. Give him an idea of how long you want the trial to be. Alot of couples wait 4 years of living together before marrying, but your don't have to wait that long at all. Tell him if you both can put up with eachother's quirks and he can remember to leave the seat down you'll give him a marriage date. Good luck!
2007-04-12 07:54:34 · answer #2 · answered by avivafae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think here your bf has some insecurity problems. He may love you but asking 5 times in 3 weeks is a little obsessive to me.
It might be a few factors such as he lost you once before and may have thought you were always the one for him so if you get engaged and married soon then he knows he'll have you forever and it could be he sees what happened to you and your ex that you were together 5 years engaged and called of the wedding 3 months before hand...he could be scared that that could happen to him too.
He's not listening to your feelings though. He's thinking selfishly. You may want to find out what his real reasoning is.
Yes I know how it feels to want to get married and start your life with someone that you love, but rushing it is never the answer.
You said that you broke off the engagement 3 months before the wedding and you've already been with this guy for 2 months. You only had 1 month to try and reflect on what was going on, how you were feeling, and what you really want in life. Now all of a sudden your supposed to be thrown back into a huge relationship and be engaged already.
That sounds like a lot.
I have had the tendency in my life to date one guy after the other.
I got out of a relationship and was single about a month before I started dating my fiance and we moved quickly. I moved in right away (the place I was staying at was selling their house and I had no where else to go so that played a factor) but we said we loved eachother about 1 month later. We got engaged about 7 months later, but were not getting married until next year.
I wanted to make sure it was right and living with him has helped me know that. But still I want us to get to know eachother more and totally feel comfortable when we say I do.
Sit him down and say listen I really do love you but I don't think its fare to either of us to jump into this so quickly. Let's keep on dating (if your not living together you may want to try that) and in a few months lets see where we are.
I think you need to sit down and figure out why you called off your other wedding and if your ready for this or not.
Sometimes people want to rush everything and grow up but sometimes we really need to slow it down....if you would have rushed things with your ex you would be married now and may have been miserable.
2007-04-12 07:57:43 · answer #3 · answered by colie 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Firstly, there's no suggested timeframe for this and the fact you've been together before, split, remained friends for a long time, 'and' got back together again? They're all amazing positives. 'I' think you are concerned about crossing the rebound 'timeline', is it too soon for me to have such serious feelings for someone else so close to my break up?, am I being fair to him and me?(and so so...).
He really shouldn't be pressuring you if he wants your 'true' feelings so stick to your guns on that one. If you have in your heart of hearts let go of your last relationship then you need to trust your insides with this...lets face it, we're not getting any younger and consider how you'd feel if he felt you didn't want him...and gave up asking?
2007-04-12 07:57:54 · answer #4 · answered by Talented Samo' 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always think that people should really take the time between relationships to find some ground. Figure out what you want, especially coming out of a relationship where your we're engaged. You need to figure out why you called it off. Was it him? The both of you? Or are you not ready for that big of a commitment?
If this person loves you as much as he says he does then you should be able to talk to him about feeling rushed and uncertain. Make it clear that uncertainty isn't about him it's about ????? That's what you need to figure out. Why??
2007-04-12 07:47:49 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't read all of your letter but I say make him wait.
I had 3 boyfriends in a row ask me to marry them after only knowing me for 2 weeks. Ack! 2 of them didn't work out, as boyfriends not husbands, and the third one did but I made him wait a year. He might have been sure but I wanted to be sure too. We have been married for 31 years.
2007-04-12 07:56:18 · answer #6 · answered by ladyofyorkies 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You tell him you think its too soon in the relationship to be discussing marriage. At 2 months you guys are still getting to know each other. Do not pull his leg and say something you dont mean because you think you may hurt his feelings. Lets be rationale here.
2007-04-12 07:49:53 · answer #7 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you believe marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment, and you think he may be "the one," then tell him to ask you again in about 10 months, and not to mention it until then. If he doesn't respect that, then I'd really think about what that says about how he'll treat you in the future...
"If-then" statements in matters of love tend to be manipulative at best.
Wow, it's so much easier to "know what to do" with someone else's love life than with ones' own!
2007-04-12 07:47:46 · answer #8 · answered by cnsdubie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a guy asks 5 times in three weeks, you have proof that he will never listen to you. Sounds like just the kind of guy you should marry.
Does he even have a job?
2007-04-12 07:42:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy sounds very needy, not exactly a good bet for a good marriage. Don't rush into anything with him.
2007-04-12 08:29:56 · answer #10 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋