We went to a marriage counsellor after I found her love letter to her married classmate (she wrote about things like love and how she wants to be his mistress etc). The counsellor said marriage requires 6 fundamental conditions for it to function. 1 basic trust - she broke it by getting into an emotional affair behind my back 2 Love and affection - these are alienated 3 Sacrifice - she stood like a statue all through my pitfalls and was even amused sometimes at my agony. 4 Communication - Either she argues or contradicts whatever I say. 5 Adjustability - It is the last thing on her mind 6 Mutual respect - I even begged her to show me some respect and she said she can't give something she does not have for me. After these 4 sessions of counselling, I am beginning to wonder why I am in love with this monster. She is very controlling and her parents still ask her to divorce me after her love affair as if I am the cause of all her sins. Should I stay with her as our kids will be affected?
2007-04-11 23:53:52 · 14 answers · asked by havah 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Control Freak! Ha ha ha.. How much I love to be that. It's her who is trying to have her way without the least consideration for my feelings.
I am not without faults, the first of which is being finacially broke, arguing with her in drunken stupor(I stopped it as it is getting nowhere), and unwillingness to work for peanuts(that's doing a job which is the only salvation she offers). Is marriage nothing but a bundle of responsibilities, a trade where one pays this and gets that.
2007-04-12 00:32:45 · update #1
I can keep my kids with me but they love their mother very much and I would never seperate them.And, I am the unwanted guy here and I don't know why they(her and her relations) treat me as if I am the father of all the sins and so want to crucify me for my willingness to bear the burden.
2007-04-12 00:59:36 · update #2
I'm with her parents, she should divorce you and take her kids; you sound like a real gem of a control freak
2007-04-11 23:58:10 · answer #1 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, here's the problem..............HER!!! You need to divorce this monster! She's a miserable, hateful and dishonest woman that cannot be true to herself, let alone you! She cannot respect you because she does not respect herself.She has some serious issues within herself that obviously she has no clue about. The woman is unhappy with herself, not you! Until she really takes a good long look at herself and realizes that she is the problem, she will more than likely continue with the same behavior. As for your children, I don't think it's fair for children to be subjected to her behavior towards their dad, it's not a good environment for them and certainly not a healthy one! I think staying in a bad relationship because of the kids, is wrong for all concerned. Children are what they see and what they hear! I wouldn't want disrespect, negativity, dishonesty and argumentativeness to be what your children learn in life! You would be much happier without her and you need to believe that you deserve it, because you do! It sounds as if you are the only one trying to make things work and you can't fight a losing battle. Move on and be happy, believe me, it's her loss! One day, when you are least expecting it, someone perfectly suited for you will come into your life and she'll share the same values as yourself, just be patient and it will happen! For now, just take care of yourself and your precious children, that's whats important! Good Luck and Be Happy!
2007-04-12 00:59:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clearly, there is a part missing here, her side of the story. I have a firm belief, there are two sides to every story and somewhere inbetween lies the truth.
Everything you listed above is essential in a marriage, but it goes both ways. I read that you were not meeting one of her essential needs if she felt compeled to step outside the marriage for an emotional affair. You call her a monster yet we don't know the circumstances that led to her actions.
If you want a divorce fine, but if you want to save your marriage you are going to have to own up to your part in all this.
2007-04-12 00:14:57 · answer #3 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, It sounds like you should be in the process of asking for a divorce. Staying together for the kids is not a good reason to stay with someone. Think about what your kids are learning by watching the two of you? If you don't do something now your daughters will learn to be controlling and cold and you sons will learn to suffer through being walked on. Even if you don't fight in front of the kids, they hear and see alot more than you realize. Of course this is just my opinion, I wish you luck.
2007-04-12 00:02:11 · answer #4 · answered by kileigh1076 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am almost always the crusader for maintaining a marriage for the children but in this case I have to step down. Your wife is a monster. Haven't your children already been affected by this? Save yourself and them from the daily agony of being around her.
2007-04-12 00:47:23 · answer #5 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are both miserable in this relationship. You need to get out. KIDS are the worst reason to stay in a bad relationship. They will be just as miserable as you are. I watche dmy arent fight and hate each other for years and was actually relieved when they finally got a divorce. If your houseold is as bad as you say it is. your kids probably want out of the misery. GOOD LUCK!
2007-04-12 00:31:08 · answer #6 · answered by nf923 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is amzing ,i mean you are saying that you lost all those things in you "marriage" but still you question your self should you saty with her or not ? For me the only thing that you will pass to your kids is ,how marriage is terrible , and how terrible they are going to treat thier partners too,so after saying this you know what i mean ,you better get Divorced!!!!
2007-04-12 00:03:31 · answer #7 · answered by Senaite B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids will be affected if you stay together and fight constantly, too.
You need a divorce. This marriage doesn't work. The kids will deal with it: do your best to be an involved and caring father, and don't bad-mouth their mother to them.
Next time, try to make sure you're compatible with someone before you marry them.
2007-04-11 23:59:26 · answer #8 · answered by Saint Bee 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I sure hope that you do not have any children. She sounds like she is not interested in trying. How does she act at the counselor's office? Does she even participate?
I have feeling that you will know what to do very shortly. Continue counseling for now, but watch her to see if she is willing to change. If she is not, you need to look for a better woman.
2007-04-12 00:02:09 · answer #9 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think she doesn't appreciate you. And you shouldn't say where your clearly not wanted just because of the kids. i think you should move on, its going to be hard at first but better for you in the end. Also if you have a son his going to grow up thinking its okay for woman to run over him.
2007-04-12 00:03:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋