I believe someone I care about is an acoholic. I also know he is addicted to cannabis. Some of you may believe that cannabis is not addictive, but he has smoked it every day for over 10 years and now he can't function without it. I think he is an alcoholic because he can't go 24 hours without a drink. He will drink in the morning on the weekend, drinks every evening, and will drink at lunchtime if he can. He drinks cider or beer.
I have tried to to talk to him about it but he refuses to admit he has a problem. When I try to be kind he just changes the subject, laughs or gets angry. If I get cross about it he walks out. He won't see his doctor and I don't know what else to do. He is horrible when he is drunk and just as bad when he is stoned.
How can I help him to see he needs help?
2007-04-11 22:33:27 · 25 answers · asked by tigerfly 4 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Trev, I haven't known him for 10 years you ****, but I have loved him for 1.
2007-04-11 22:47:41 · update #1
I was in love with an alcoholic. I naively believed that we could turn his problem around and that all he needed was love, support, time and understanding.
Silly me.
I gave 100% of myself for nearly 3 years, always putting myself second and him first, never getting angry or putting him down etc. I mopped up his sick and patched up his wounds.
What did I get? No thanks, that's for sure. He resented me for trying to keep him away from his object of desire, I got blamed for his drinking and coldly dumped many times.
The truth is with being with an alcoholic is that there are 3 of you in the relationship (him, you and the booze/weed), and YOU WILL NEVER win. I was told that, but didn't believe it - now I do believe it.
Denial is a massive component of most addictive disorders. It's the denial talking when he laughs the problem off, denies there's a problem, makes excuses for why he drinks etc etc. Basically, it's never the addicts fault (that's the way they see it)....it's always someone else's fault why they're on a binge or whatever. It might be stress at work that 'makes' them drink (they don't see that it's their faulty dealing with stress).
When you say you 'don't know what else to do'...I feel sad. I used to think like this. The reality, and please dont be fooled into thinking otherwise, is that there is nothing else for you to do, YOU CANNOT HELP HIM. Only he can help himself. Until he's ready to even tell himself he has a problem, then there's nothing you can do.
Try visiting AA online. There are relative/significant other help sites too.
If you keep on trying to help him, he is likely to perceive you as a nag and someone to be avoided. Do yourself a favour and tell yourself that although you love this man, it is not your problem, it is his and his alone.
Sorry to sound so harsh, but it is fact. Most relationships where one person is alcoholic end this way. I have made a promise to myself that if I ever meet a man who has addiction problems, I will not become involved with him because my life is too short to be drained away by such problems. I learned the hard way, and ended up on anti-depressants for my sins.
Regards, and sorry for your situation.
2007-04-11 23:19:26 · answer #1 · answered by medium_of_dance 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You have to make it so he can't reach the beer. At one point I started drinking too much, smoking too much etc. I realized how powerful the stuff is and got rid of it. You have to make him take a good long look in the damn mirror. If he won't help himself there's not much you can do, don't fool yourself that you can make his decisions.
I know one girl who fell into the alcohol trap, she's about 21 and is just hooked. It's horrible to watch because she won't help herself and that's pretty much the last word. Stoners, drunks, etc.; it was a real lesson to me and I understand what can happen.
The best thing you can do is take him out for a walk or something. Or get him into weights. Exercise is a drug, even 20 minutes a day will really improve his world. Something like a pull-up bar is convenient, or some light hand weights. Get him a pair of those, 20 reps a time, it's better he picks up on of those than a beer can. (Not if he's ever violent though, obviously!)
If he's horrible to you, there's no reason why you should stick around. This is his choice to go under and not yours. Sometimes the guy leaves, the body just sticks around.
2007-04-12 06:25:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Denial is a big problem. If he can admitt he has a problem then he can get help. I smoked weed for 8 years and it is psychologically addictive. I didn't think I could stop,but I did. Try not to make him feel like he is being judged, but challenge him to not drink in the week. I would leave the weed and tackle the alcohol or vice versa, as stopping 2 addictions maybe too much to handle at the same time. . As for you, get some advice from a helpline such as the national drugs helpline. There are quite a few out there and there is 1 or 2 that are there to help the family and friends of drug addicts.
2007-04-12 05:45:16 · answer #3 · answered by lizfiz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can get in touch with the AA and they can put you in touch with a drugs councellor and they will be able to give you some leaflets about how they can help and you can leave them at your friends house.
If your friend wants to change they have to make the first move. All you can do is be there for them when they trip up.
This is not your responsibility but you can help in some ways, though most of it is up to them. If they ask you to help them then thats when you can, but until then, you have to avoid judging ifyou are a true friend and just be there for them when they need you.
Do not lecture or moan as they will just go the other way.
Maybe you can ask them what they plan for the future and if things were different, what they would have liked to have done, it will get them thinking about what it would feel like to be sober or off the drugs. It might spark a light in them to try and give it up, but yes, in a small number of people, cannibis is addictive and can lead to psychosis. Be careful, you are not qualified to fix this person.
Just get them lots of information and let them decide. Part of taking back the control is making your own decisions.
What are they running away from?
2007-04-12 05:40:24 · answer #4 · answered by michelle a 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult one I can speak from personal experience that cannabis is very addictive and changes peoples personality I used to be like him and when anyone tried to help i would laugh it off or get angry unfortunately I didn't take the help and had to learn the hard way, I always knew that i had a problem but wouldn't admit to it and it drove away close friends until I finally admitted i had a problem and needed help. You have to be very careful the way you handle him if you go to strong he will go on the defensive which could lead to him choosing between you and the drink/drugs which if he hasn't admitted to himself he has a problem would lead to trouble.
The best thing you can do is be there and try and help him to admit to himself he has a problem and when he does be there to support him as he will need help from strong people, he also needs to distance himself from the "friends" who are also smoking regularly as they will always try to pull him down.
Hope this helps a bit
2007-04-12 05:46:36 · answer #5 · answered by NeilK 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can't make him realise all you can do is be there for him. On day he will reach rock bottom and will need someone there to help him. If it gets too bad for you you will have to walk away as until they realise they have a problem they will not realise that what you are saying is right. There are groups called Alanon who are for friends and family of alcoholics where you can go and get support. I don't know where you are so i cannot find you the local meetibg to you. Just make sure that you have someone you can talk to about it. When he realises he needs help the Kenward Trust have very good rehab facilities and as with Alanon their contact details will be able to be found on the internet. I hope this helps.
2007-04-14 11:54:29 · answer #6 · answered by pussyfootpink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the alcohol will be harder to put down than the cannabis. Does he smoke cigarettes ? That's hard to quit ,too. I've heard that coming off of alcohol, can kill some people. It's the worst addiction. Help yourself. Just like any other addiction, only he can make the final decision to quit. Sometimes, people naggin' and bitchin' about it, makes it worse. If he is making life miserable for you, do what you must, to be happy. Don't be an enabler.
2007-04-12 05:42:27 · answer #7 · answered by Scorpius59 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you can't do anything. My daughter is a drug addict and was before she was legal age. The law wouldn't do anything unless I actually SAW her doing the drugs. It wasn't enough that she would freely admit it to me and other people. She admitted it to a dr when she was pregnant. I don't know if they reported her or not but nothing was ever done. I didn't and don't have the money to afford one of those places that grabs people up and forces them to get clean. I can't do anything but watch my daughter slowly kill herself.
My best advice to you is that if you are not related to this man, get as far away from him as you can. Otherwise it's just going to go on hurting you.
I have gotten distance between me and my daughter, about 1200 miles but all that does is dull the pain. It's still there because I care about her. Do the same. Get on with your life, don't wait for that "clean" day to come. Sylvia
2007-04-12 05:43:50 · answer #8 · answered by ladyofyorkies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatley there isn't anything you can do, as he is not ready to admit he has a problem, he's in denial. Only when he is ready he will get help. Try an Al Anon meeting it's for friends and relatives of alcoholics.
2007-04-12 16:46:10 · answer #9 · answered by farleyjackmaster 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It’s very hard, you can be there for him but sometimes that is easier said than done,
Drug addicts/alcoholics alienate their friends and family, and you have to be strong to stay with them, there treatment is really down to them they have to want to get help, and I mean really want to not just say that they do,
you sound like a caring person so your friend is very lucky to have you.
good luck
2007-04-14 12:31:12 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋