Is my therapist too friendly or just careing?

Question

I have been seeing a therapist for post traumatic stress disorder for 2months.I have seen this man afew years back.I trust this person with my deepest feelings and secrets.I am a woman and we are about the same age.lately he has been moving his chair closer to me at times to have close eye contact ( I think) he also on several occasions holds my hands in an affectionate way and doesn't let go for a long time while looking at me.For some reason( i don't know) I do not find this uncomfortable, as I like it and he tells me I'm a good person and he likes me a lot.(probably to boost my self esteem)Is he crossing a line here or is he just being careing and has genuine intentions to help me.My main problem is relationship difficulties and I think i am just a little vunerable now.But like I said I don;t feel uncomfortable when he does this.

Answer 1

That's a tough question and my gut sense is that you aren't completely comfortable with his behavior or I doubt you'd be posting this question. He hasn't actually crossed any boundaries and it's not uncommon at all for a therapist to hold a client's hands. In fact, i have often done this when someone is retelling a traumatic memory in order to help them stay grounded and in the present to avoid a flashback, although that is usually after some discussion and an agreement with the client to be sure that's helpful. I've also hugged clients with their permission as I find that many long term abuse survivors have been deprived of non-abusive human contact, and child alters often respond best to a soothing touch as they lacked any experience of this as children.
Your best strategy would be to discuss it with him and establish clearly what's okay and what's not okay. The boundaries in the therapeutic relationship are hugely important and any behavior, regardless of good intentions, that can be threatening to a client's sense of safety or that can raise questions about intention needs to be addressed. Given that you've posed this question, it seems there is some nagging doubt in your mind as to how to interpret the behavior and a discussion about the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship will only help to improve it. Transference and counter-transference issues are common, and it merits some discussion to clarify what you are feeling and interpreting. When a therapist does cross boundaries, it doesn't happen suddenly and all at once, it happens gradually and this would be a good time to clarify any concerns. There isn't a black and white answer here. What I can tell you is that if a therapist ignores your feelings about touching or tries to convince you that something that makes you uncomfortable is really okay, THAT is a boundary breach.

Answer 2

If it made you uncomfortable then he would be crossing a line, but since you're comfortable with it, it's fine. Any sort of clearly sexual contact would be inappropriate whether you were ok with it or not, but what you described isn't inherently sexual, and would only be inappropriate if you weren't comfortable with it. There's nothing in what you said that couldn't be friendy and compasionate, as opposed to sexual, so it's fine.

You mentioned that you like it, so the most likely thing is that your therapist can tell that you would find it comforting or whatever to have closer contact, or it may just be his style. He probably does care about you as a person, and doesn't want to see you hurting, which is generally a good thing, and doesn't cross any lines.

Just so long as it doesn't become anything more than a therapeutic relationship, and he's not making you feel uncomfortable then it's fine.

But if you're worried about it, then talk to him about it. Even though you're comfortable with the contact, you clearly have some worries or you wouldn't be asking about it here. He is your therapist after all, so you can talk to him about anything, including the therapy sessions themselves, and he may well have an explanation for it that would set your mind at ease about it.

Answer 3

If you truly don't feel uncomfortable at all with your therapist's actions, then why are you questioning his motives as possibly being too friendly? If you really did feel completely comfortable with what he's doing, you likely would not feel compelled to ask others about it.

You HAVE to trust your OWN feelings on the matter regardless of what others say, I CAN'T stress that point more strongly!!!

You must trust your therapist completely, and if not, seek another therapist immediately. This is not a matter to be objective about. It is about YOU and how YOU feel about it! It is well known in their profession that not every therapist will suit every patient, it's very much a trial and error process to find the one you're completely comfortable with.

Could it be that you feel some sort of friendship or loyalty to this person that makes you ambivalent about his actions?

Answer 4

It sounds he is really caring for you, and we are all human beings, you never know his mind and feelings about you. How pretty are you out there? anything intersting about your eyes and your emotions? People DO fall in love some point.

anonther part of me is thinking that may be YOU are imaginning this feeling, because he is a man, and if your problem has been relationship problems, he is the ONLY man who is showing understanding although it is with payment, and psychologically you are dreaming of that thing to happen.

I know this from experience of a teacher once, and i thought myself same way. It was a big mistake to go for a date later on, things were not the same as in profession, and it ruined everything. Keep your eyes open, and be direct with him when he holds your hand. Tell him 'mr - whatever his name - you already know i am volnarable in this situation, please could we just stay in this formal.' if you like me, then kiss me! (okay, i'm joking this part). But keep it firm and strong.

Answer 5

A part of me is saying that your therapist does seem to be getting more affectionate. On the other hand, he may only be trying to help you. However, one thing to consider is how he holds your hands or how he touches you. If I were to be a therapist, I would keep it professional and prefer not to make contact as I know that may offend my client.

My suggestion: since you know you are vulnerable relationship-wise, try to keep distance. When you think you are ready, then go ahead and make your decision. It would be dangerous to walk on your limitations and weaknesses.

Answer 6

mmm... maybe he likes you in a non-client way. But then again only you can make that decision- you said you seen him a few years back and maybe now you're relationship is more like friends than a professional relationship. It doesn't bother you so thats good, but if it ever does make sure to speak up. In any case you're therapist seems to actually care for you're problems and thats good because some are so clinical and cold that they make you feel worse. My mom's friend is actually getting married to her therapist- its kind of cute how their relationship got started- i don't mean its going to turn out like that but I just I shared that ^_^.

Answer 7

If you don't feel comfortable then it's not appropriate.
Trust your instincts.
A therapist needs to maintain a professional manner of behaviours when it comes to dealing with their clients.
They should understand ethics and what a professional code of conduct is and help you feel safe and unthreatened (or comfortable) in any way. That trust should not be 'abused'.
He may be a very kind person and have alot of empathy for you, but I can't help but feel he is overstepping-the-mark a bit here.
He is not 'helping' you if you are feeling uncomfortable.

Answer 8

Sorry but he is crossing his proffessional boundaries. I too have suffered from PTSD for 12 years and can tell you that YES you are very vulnerable, and DO NOT misinterpret his intentions. But if he is touching, this is very unethical.Two months is not a long time for PTSD and it would proberly only just be starting to raise the flashbacks and mood understanding associated with your anxiety. Avoidance and emptiness is very common with this, and using someones affections, although real, can be very damaging for you.I urge you to challenge your PTSD first, if you understand this, before you get involved in any relationship. Then you will have a healthier relationship afterwards because you'll understand your triggers better.

Answer 9

Coping With Post-traumatic Stress
- When Terror Strikes
- PTSD--What Is It?
- Traumatic Stress Will End!
- Symptoms of Post-traumatic Stress
http://watchtower.org/library/g/2001/8/22/article_01.htm

To me, your therapist's behavior is normal for a friend,
quite possibly unethical as a therapist.

Answer 10

sounds a little to affectionate for My comfort but i dont know, i guess thats what it all rests on is how You feel. If you feel as though its just his caring manurisms (kinda like how your father would hold your hands) then i wouldnt worry about it. although i am wondering..if You say it Doesnt bother you...why are you then presenting it as a concern? Perhaps you do feel a little weird about it in the back of your head?