She seems to be thinking it is my fault she can't see him and seems to be mad at me lately. Would it be wrong to tell her why? All I have said to her so far is that he makes bad choices and the police say he is not to come around me right now. I am feeling like I need to be more honest with her.
2007-04-11 19:07:30 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
She does not know he hurt me because she was too young for one thing and I have always protected her from seeing his abuse her whole life.
2007-04-11 19:09:44 · update #1
East2West...Let me make it clear that I didn't make a bad choice when her father decided to abuse me. He did. I don't appreciate being told I brought it upon myself.
2007-04-11 19:19:46 · update #2
You should tell her using gentle terms. I struggled with this myself. I have an 11 year old son (who knew more because he was older) and a nine year old daughter. For the longest time I thought my son would have a harder time adjusting to his dad not being around, but I was wrong. Because he knew what happened he understood. My daughter just thought I was being mean and wanted her dad. I told her why we weren't together anymore and she was upset, but understood and I think she was relieved. Even at 8 or 9 years old you don't want to be left in the dark. Your daughters imagination most likely has worse thoughts in her head than what the truth actually is. I told my daughter that her daddy hurt me and we couldn't be together. I answered all of her questions truthfully but without bad mouthing her father. I just did it matter-of-factly in kid friendly words (like hurt instead of beat).
Good luck. What's important is for you to open a line of communication with your daughter that will last for the rest of your lives and help her grow to be a strong young woman!
2007-04-11 21:20:39 · answer #1 · answered by crazymommy3 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think its hard when you have to do this because you don't really like the guy but your daughter loves him remove yourself from the equation when telling her and just tell her you didn't like each other any more and chose not to be best friends any more but she can still love him and vise versa my daughter is 7 and i don't hold anything back from her and obviously encourage her at all times to make better choices in life its your job to guide her i would also say never try and turn her against this man as he is her father even if he was abusive .and as she gets older explain to her in more detail but do it gradually i also know that 8 yr olds can be very mean even if she says something mean back remember she is just a child and she cant understand why the 2 people she loves the most are not together with her it takes guts to get out of a destructive relationship and even more to raise a child alone good luck with that.
2007-04-11 23:13:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, when you tried to protect her from knowing, then why are you thinking about telling her now? How is that any different than if she would have witnessed it, at least she would have seen it with her own eyes, but probably STILL thought, that it was your fault.
I don`t know how mature your daughter is (I have an 8 year old girl, too) you know her best. I don`t know how much she would understand about it. Just be real careful how you tell her, so she won`t end up in an abusive relationship herself.
2007-04-11 20:33:10 · answer #3 · answered by Roxie 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No way in hell - you can tell her you guys dont get along well, that he is making bad decisions whatever but she is not old enough to handle this type of info. My mother left my father because he was a cheating drunk when I was 12 but she didnt divulge the truth till we were older. Even if she saw him hit you she would still be acting out in regards to the seperation. Its tough for kids to be seperated from thier parents and she probably thinks for whatever reason its her fault. No matter why the split occured she is going to act on against you because you are the one thats there. Its that simple and yes it is unfair but thats life!
2007-04-12 00:11:04 · answer #4 · answered by jillmarie2000 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hiya, thats fairly unhappy. i understand what you mean it is not correct how close you're on your dad on the tip of the day everybody desires a mum particularly whilst your a youthful teen with hormones everywhere. i will understand the place your coming from. Like somebody else stated print this out +& provide it on your dad, he will only understand in case you particularly clarify the region. not sure approximately all dads yet my dad may well be like that too, it is not that they don't care or they don't understand. this is only they don't understand what to do. ignore regarding the people who're bullying you, your youthful +& i understand you will want acquaintances everybody does i replaced into like that too yet now on the age of nineteen i'm extra centred on preparation +& working. acquaintances do not mean lots once you have a purpose in existence. To be straightforward maximum of them will in all probability be mess united statesin existence.. you only concentration on your preparation reliable luck x
2016-10-28 12:06:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to talk to her now.Tell her what she will understand - her father was not a very good man and he sometimes hurt you(say it if he beated you or hit you or anything),she is not so little not to be told.Explain her that it is not your or hers fault that her father turned like that.Tell her that he needed medical help or the help of the police or sth like that.You have to explain it clear that he was not a good man to be near you and her.
2007-04-11 20:49:13 · answer #6 · answered by Livia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should tell her.Even though she is young and it will be very painful, as she gets older she will understand, but also tell her good things about him and not just bad ones so she wont grow away from him since of course he is the father. Well i hope this will help you and i know this because i have seen it happen before so good luck!
2007-04-11 19:22:18 · answer #7 · answered by Skyler 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Try to explain to your daughter- in terms that SHE can relate to. Tell her that her Dad was very mean to you- & that the police decided that that was wrong, & they didn't want it to happen again, and that they didn't want it to happen to her. Maybe someday when he "behaves" himself & promises not to hurt anyone- THEN maybe he'll be able to see her again... But that may take awhile... But you're RIGHT, being honest with her IS the best way. Hang in there, & good luck.
2007-04-11 19:24:20 · answer #8 · answered by Joseph, II 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, that's not a good idea. What you tell her is that you made a very bad choice in choosing a man, but that you are very happy and grateful that you have her as a child.
2007-04-11 20:53:15 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Kids understand more than we give them credit for. 8 is old enough to understand the basic concept of mommy hurt daddy. You dont have to get graphic, just explain enough so she understands its neither your nor her fault. I always think its best mothers be honest with their daughters, because they will eventually follow your example when it comes to how they interact with men.
2007-04-11 20:41:35 · answer #10 · answered by thetruthteller 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋