i as with a girl for 4 years. we separated coz of long distance and religious differences. she broke up with me several times, but only out of anger and despair as opposed to logic and deliberation. a couple yrs ago, she told me, b/coz of family pressure, she was going to get engaged. she still loved me deeply. but, she also wanted me in her life as a friend, or whatever. around that time, i was about to move to a new town. so, i left town w/o giving her my contact--we had stopped speaking a couple of months prior. i left her a message that the only way i can stay in her life is as her b/f, and that i can't just be friends. so this gone for a couple of years. in the meantime, my contact information is leaked to her. then a few days ago, she calls me n we jus talk about nothing, as if n'ing had happened. again, i have to give her the same ultimatum. either we become a couple or nothing. she had never been engaged, not even close. so now i haven't talked to her in two days. any thoughts?
2007-04-11 19:06:25 · 11 answers · asked by cupsandplates 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That was monumentally stupid.
Women need to be friends first...that's how we sort out the keepers. You have just screwed both of you out of a potentially wonderful relationship.
I wouldn't be at all surprised if she writes you off completely, which is what it sounds like you wanted her to do, but you weren't man enough to be honest with her.
Grow up!
2007-04-11 19:13:31 · answer #1 · answered by Julie L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People don't make decisions based on "logic and deliberation" except for you. Religious differences are hard to overcome: how would you raise your children? Also, she lied to you about the possibility of being engaged, so that may be a flaw in her character, or it may just have been because she's young. If you still love her, you can tell her that you want more than friendship, but if you can't be friends, you have to be prepared that she'll tell you 'no.' I'd give it a try, since you've thought about this for so long.
2007-04-12 02:18:28 · answer #2 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know you cant be friends with her then you cant. But you also cannot force her to marry or date you. Stay firm with your choice, make sure its clear that you love her too much to be anything but a boyfriend. If she is willing to try it again then cool, but if the distance is still a problem then I wouldn't really recommend getting hooked up unless either one is willing to move. I honestly think you might want to move on. Because distance is still an issue and religious is also an issue you need to work out all issues before you go back out. If you don't then its a lost cause and the same thing will happen as before. If she and you both are willing to try to go for it but if you think it might be too hard then I would move on.
2007-04-12 02:17:59 · answer #3 · answered by his.lover2007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you push her into something she is not ready for, you will most definitely regret it. Sounds like she is not ready for a permanent relationship with you. Either accept her friendship, or get out of her life. You can not make someone feel the same way that you do. If you try to rush her, you may get her temporarily, but she will eventually leave you and hurt you badly. Let her move at her own pace. If it is meant to be, it will happen eventually.
2007-04-12 02:14:38 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not force anyone to do anything! Especially in this situation. That is passion, maybe control, but not love. Sure it is out of love, but that is not what love is. Tell her how you feel but do not force her "all or nothing." If a relationship cannot work, then is just can't. Be friends with her, or don't answer her phone calls.
2007-04-12 02:12:50 · answer #5 · answered by ounmandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be giving her ultimatums. If you really love her, then why not be friends? Yeah it might hurt. But which would you rather have-her as a friend, or her as nothing?
2007-04-12 02:12:14 · answer #6 · answered by Becca 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a sad love story to me. Keep your ultimatums firm. You are wise to do this. It sounds like she is playing games with you.
2007-04-12 02:11:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's indecisive. You don't need that in your life. I had a girlfriend like that and it didn't work out. Save yourself the headache and heartache and move on.
2007-04-12 02:14:35 · answer #8 · answered by Ummmm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u want her do what it takes to sort it out.. dont mislead urself or her..
2007-04-12 02:21:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her to be your gf back!
2007-04-12 02:10:02 · answer #10 · answered by ♥♥Pro♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋