help! my dads gonna see me where i used to work because he aint heard from me. what do i do?

Question

im 19, male living independently. i had a job at the library for 2.5 years, and got fired last month for discrimination. well, my ex-dad and i aint talked in months, because he gives my life too much BS. he tryna control me, still! well, cuz i aint returned his calls he sent me an email sayin he gonna go to my old job and ask if im there n for my work schedule. i neva told him i got fired, cuz i neva talked to him. i dnt wanna tell him anything, but i think somebody else told him. also, he said he saw me on the news when i protested in DC, but my friends that saw it on the news said they didnt see me. i never make it to public propoganda. somebody tellin him my information, and i think its my stepmom. they broke up, though. what should i do, he goin to the library, and afta that, he gonna prolly drive to my apartment, near the library...what can i do to avoid his BS. he gonna make me look bad and make me move in with him, but i cant. he gonna ruin my future and hurt me.

oh...so ur sayin i need my dad for more beatins? ur sayin i need him to brainwash me? ur sayin i need him to blame me for everything, even some of his problems? ur sayin i need to respect him...do that mean when he leaves a mess i gotta clean it? so i should respect him by starving and not respect my own body? when i lived with my dad, thats how it was, and it was bad enough i lived in another home because it wasnt a safe environment at his house. at least i get some income here...at least i eat...at least i got friends here who care, and treat me way betta then he eva did. i live in a city, and he live in a rich suburb where i was alienated by everyone n it wasnt good for me there. im fine where im at, and at least im lookin for anotha job! if i live w him, my life will be so hard id prolly die, seriously! i need to get rid of him! how do i legally get him outta my life, n how do i do this exactly? at least i still go to college!

Answer 1

My suggestion would be to tell him like a man. Be straight out with him. Let him know that it is your life and you choose to do with it what you want. And let him know the reasons why you wish not to speak to him. Maybe he doesn't know how much he has really hurt you. Maybe by COMMUNICATION you can sort out a lot of issues you both have of each other.

Cont.

I just finished reading your addition to your post. If you feel that your life is at stake if you confront him, maybe you should still tell him how you feel but maybe have someone accompany you and do it in a public place. But he deserves to know how you feel and you should be able to at least vent out your emotions, like I said previously people don't know how much they hurt another person if they do not speak up. But if you want to make your point across to your father that you no longer wish to have any communication with him confront him, and at least if you go accompanied you will have a witness that observed what happened.

Answer 2

You say you still go to college. Who pays for that? Is it your dad? Then listen to his concerns. You sound younger than 19. There's an adolescent 'I can't stand to be told what to do' ring to your complaints. Looking for another job will probably teach you that being fired is not a good way to leave employment. You're going to have to learn some hard lessons along the way - lessons that parents already have learned and want to spare their children from learning the hard way. You seem to want to choose the hard way.
Your dad's not all bad. Neither are you. But you tend to label everything he says with one word 'BS'. Most of your life, for the next 50 years or so, you will have to earn a living. A lot of that time, you will have to take 'BS' from somebody - who doesn't even care as much as your dad. It's going to be excruciatingly painful because you refuse to learn the lesson that there are a variety of people around you who make the rules and basically, you have to follow them even when you don't agree with them.
I assume your dad pays for college. Nuff said.
Also, let's hope you aren't headed for flunking out because you get tired of the BS rules your professors want you to follow.
Good luck!

Answer 3

Your 19 years old...your an adult...if you do not want to see him then that's your right. Send him an email back saying that you do not want to see him and that you have a new job else were and that you have moved there to be close to that job. Tell him until he gets his life together that you want nothing to do with him. You have the right to do this. I wish you the best of luck. Remember this when some people answer your questions they tend to say things that show how ignorant they really are. Don't take to heart what all people say....most likely they are young and still wet behind the ears (immature).

Answer 4

You need to respect him FIRST OF ALL! You are very young and will probably make a whole lot more mistakes in the future. The thing is....you are grown and as long as you can take care of yourself, its not a whole lot he can say. Now, dont burn your bridges, you dont know when you might need him in the future. Be mature about it next time, he shouldnt have to come looking for you. Be a man and face him like a man! Men need to respect one another to have good relationships. He was 19 once too. I'm sure he made a few mistakes or maybe even got fired from a job before too. If you look at him like he is human and not just as a "know it all", you may feel differently about his motives. It sounds like he just wants whats best for you and for you to be a responsible adult! PS Getting Fired is definitely a sign that you have alot more growing to do in the maturity department. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Hey you,
It's not easy to know what to do when a parent has controlled you that much is it? For similar reasons, i have had to keep my father out of my life too.... and like you just hearing that he was trying to track me down would just make me panic and fall apart.... This is what i would do, firstly speak to your old boss and ask him to make sure nobody discloses information regarding you as it could effect your safety, email or fax this to them as well so they have it in writing.... Email, fax or send your father a registered letter (You can get proof of all of these being received) Stating that you do not wish to have any contact with him due to his previous abusive treatment towards you.... State that if he continues to try to make contact then you will file a restraining order against him with no hesitation....Finally you need to get some support here, its so easy for people to say 'yeah but your 19' and actually not helpful, if you are a victim of abuse, your age has no relevance as far as the abuse stopping or you recovering from it, i really would suggest that you find a support group or similar where you can learn to deal with all the things that happened to you. This will help you to move on and also how to stand up for yourself so you're not so vulnerable in the future.....I wish you lots of luck babe xx

Answer 6

.there are two thing you can do .(1) I go to the library and ask your old boss to ask not give out your personal information out to anyone and they have to do it even if you get it in written form they have do what you asked of them.(2) you say that you are nineteen year of age you have your own place you pay the rent you do not have to even let your father on your land if he(father) tries to get near you and you and you think he will start a fight then you have the right to phone the police and ask for them to get a file and ask them to tell your father that he is not allowed to come near you(100 ft) he will be charge for trespass. I know this see will be hard on you but it just might show your father that you can take care of yourself and if he wants to talk there is a phone that he can use and if he start anything just hang up.May God help you good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ps.I'am a father

Answer 7

OMG completely experience your discomfort and anger... My sister remains with me , properly her her dippy boy buddy and the newborn.... as if i did not have sufficient issues now I truly have them free loading off me . So the following is what I do at the same time as i'm about to snap... #a million i attempt to undergo in recommendations that quicker or later in my life I in basic terms would want a persons help, so I will be functional when I can #2 Their newborn is likewise 3 so i think you there... i imagine its in basic terms general for little ones to act that way and as a teenager i will make certain why that would annoy you notwithstanding the perfect project to do is in case you are able to distract her with some thing else. undergo in recommendations her life isn't that straightforward, i did not see you factor out her mom being contained in the image and which will be complicated for her. #3 Your father and mom attempt to do the right project for his or her kinfolk. yet you ought to ask them in case you may have a television on your room so on the weekends you ought to computer screen it #4 each so often in life all of us ought to cope with some dumb a** crap and that's one among those issues that you in elementary words gotta cope with. For the rigidity , attempt taking a walk listening to song and some thing my Grandma stated replaced into... Everytime i'm getting mad at my sister for staying with me, I could count number my advantages and undergo in recommendations that she has it worse than me and be thank ful for what I do have. Its stressful notwithstanding it helps

Answer 8

Do you have a job now? Does he pay for your apartment? If he's the one paying for everything, he does have a right to stop all financial support because you weren't honest with him.

If you financially support yourself, just stand up to him and let him know that you're not a child anymore and he has no control over it. You're a big boy now!!!!

Good luck.

Answer 9

Legally he can't make you do a thing, as long as you have the gonads to stand up to him. There comes a time where you just have to say "hey, I'm not putting up with your BS..."

Answer 10

You sound like you are scared to death of your dad. If you are 19 you have every right to tell him to buzz off if thats how you feel.