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OK, I posted about this already & have gotten no responses. I caught my bf talking to another woman online, but they both claim to talk as "friends" in a nonsexual manner. He doesn't like me to talk to either of my guy friends (who are both married & I told to both the guys & their wives), so that's a double standard right there, right? So I had this gut feeling, and checked his archives, and here they're talking about him leaving me and sneaking into each others' rooms to screw & "hey, we'll just push the old lady out of the way" and carrying on like that for about 2 hours (per the timestamps). So maybe I shouldn't have looked, but he's done it to me - fair's fair. Now he says HE can't trust ME cuz I DID look & I said it either stops altogether or he leaves. He left. But he wants to come back, but he thinks the whole thing's a joke, he was just "playing", that I'm over-reacting. I think he owes me an apology & that if he can do it online, how do I know if/what he does in person?

2007-04-11 18:48:49 · 44 answers · asked by melissa_53105 1 in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

The other post is http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AkpHd5Nqu0nx9wS87Qlm1d7sy6IX?qid=20070410172615AAODyjb

2007-04-11 18:49:41 · update #1

In response to Pimpdemhoes: OK, it was only talk, but if I did it, I would be a whore and he'd leave. So why is it cool that he did it, since it's just talk? Why the double standard?

2007-04-11 18:58:17 · update #2

OK, the one I found the convo with is 18, lives in Louisiana, and has a bf; another one is 22 (i just found out about her, too) and I don't know what they talked about, but she's from the south as well and he bitches about me to her, as well. So I know that he didn't physically meet her/them, but wtf?

2007-04-11 19:02:58 · update #3

OMG, well guess it doesn't matter cuz he just called & I told him since he ran his mouth off at work to get feedback, I posted here to get feedback, and now he's pissed and doesn't want to come back. Problem solved, right? Thanks everyone - I guess you were all right and the answer's been staring me right in the face.

2007-04-11 19:07:10 · update #4

44 answers

I think it's time to break it off. There is no trust left in the relationship which is a much bigger problem than online conversations. What he did wasn't right. It was disrespectful and you deserve to be treated better than that. However, looking through his archives was not right either. I know, I know... he has done it to you, but you still shouldn't have done it. I really think that it's time to take an honest look at the state of your relationship and cut your losses. Good luck!

2007-04-11 18:55:34 · answer #1 · answered by - 2 · 0 0

Whoa now! You need to get rid of that guy! The only reason that he is getting on you about you having online. married male friends and saying he can't trust you is he has a gilty consious talking to him cause he is doing that to you! First it is definitely double standards for him to have a female online friend and you can't have male online friends. Second, anything that takes time that can be spent with the significant other way from the relationship, takes affection away and doesn't give 100% toward the relationship , IS cheating whether it be online or in life. Third most people that talk that way to some one the internet do either meet up with that person or some one else in life. He does owe you a apology cause there is no "playing" in a relationship, it isn't a game and i think you owe him a swift kick in the seat of the pants out the door!

2007-04-11 18:56:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I think he needs his head examined. That "over-reacting" bit is just trying to justify what he did. And yeah it reeks of "double-standard". Having done it once, what's to keep him from doing it again? The next time around he will presumably remember to cover his tracks. . . it sounds to me like there are some serious issues here, not the least of which is the idea that he is sneaking around online. ( If *I* were going to do that I would certainly remember to delete the message logs. . .)I don't mean this to sound harsh but it's possible he wanted you to know and it was just a matter of how long it took for you to find out. As for the "how do I know if/what he does in person?" the answer is you don't, but do you get any particular feelings toward that end? If you do, most likely the impressions are correct. So the short answer is that yes, he owes you an apology, and if none is forthcoming, give him the boot!

2007-04-11 19:06:54 · answer #3 · answered by Strawberry Fields 2 · 0 0

You owe him a boot in the a**. He is a jerk. Don't let him treat you that way. If he gets by with that , how else will he disrespect you? He is untrustworthy, and a cheater. That is probably why he didn't want you to talk to your guy friends--he was feeling guilty about what he was doing.

He is trying to play reverse psychology on you by telling you that he can't trust you. This is to confuse the issue. Guys have this game they like to play when they get caught--either do not admit anything or try to turn it around on her. It's the male code of ethics for players.

Leave his butt before you are married and have kids, and he is cheating on you, You can't change a cheater and a liar.

Get out there and make him pay for losing you. Show him that you can find a true guy that will love you and treat you with respect!! Don't look back, he is not worth it.

2007-04-11 18:59:21 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0 0

WOW ..
He is trying to turn the tables on you ... make you the bad one for catching him in the act ..
No one who is just a friend talks about things like that .I'm not sure where this other girl he talked to lives but its in the same Town as you chances are he has already met her .. who knows maybe that's where he went when he left and she gave him the boot too .. so .. Don't let him give you that don't trust you crap .. he proved that your suspicions were correct .
like I said he is turning th whole situation around and trying to blame you for everything .. .. he was just playing for sure .. playing you for a sucker .. if you take him back he Will probably still do what he was doing only this time he will sneak and make sure there is no evidence for you too see ... either he will use a password or clean out all the archives ..
Do not give in to this guy ... he made his bed now let him lay in it ...
.

2007-04-11 18:59:54 · answer #5 · answered by myopinionforwhatitsworth 5 · 0 0

It was just some online chatting, yes it was talking a little rough but it sounds half joking then serious. So now he should know you don't care for it and you don't care for the double standards. It sounds like you two need to find better use of your spare time ever thought about maybe entertaining one another? just a thought. Maybe suggest to turn off the computer and TV and ask each other what you would like remember its a marriage not a game.

2007-04-11 18:59:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Hi Melissa. I don't think that things like this are ever a joke, because things like this hurt people, as I'm sure it's hurt you.
Don't let him ride over you like that, regardless how long you've been together and regardless that your kids call him dad. Leave him to his little fantasies because he's not worth your time.
He left remember...you told him to stop or to leave...and he left, and he's probably still doing as he did the first time.
Now this is just my opinion and yes I may be no expert about all this, but this how I would feel if I was in your shoes.
I wish you the best of luck.

2007-04-11 19:01:54 · answer #7 · answered by adastraperaspera 2 · 0 0

O.K., I myself would consider that cheating. If they were talking about screwing (joking or not), that is crossing the line. I would almost bet that he has or he will cheat on you. There is nothing funny about having that kind of conversation with anyone other than your mate. And as far as him not being able to trust you because you checked his e-mail or chat log, you had every reason to and he knows that and that is why he is trying to turn it around on you. He did something wrong so he has to take the focus off of himself and throw it on you. Don't believe him or take him back because if you do you are just setting yourself up for a heart break. In a nutshell, if he really loved you and wanted to be with only you, he wouldn't need to talk like that with anyone else.

2007-04-11 19:09:31 · answer #8 · answered by itsjustme 2 · 0 0

This doesn't persay count as cheating, butt, it isnt right on his part. But then again you did snoop on him and that is wrong. If he wants to come back you need to set guidelines and tell him that you don't really like him talking to her. If he really wants you and wants to come back. You also need to to tell him that all bets are off you can use any way or mean to find out what he is or is not doing. Give him an ultimatum because honestly, if he needs to cheat on you or for that matter speak of cheating on you ( because no man will joke around about that if he doesn't subconsciously want to) then he doesn't deserve to be with you. It will cause the two of you pain. Let him back into you life if you feel that you can deal with he pain if he does cheat on you , or you find out he is talking to other girls in that manner.

2007-04-11 18:55:43 · answer #9 · answered by zoee0987 1 · 0 0

OOOOOOOH! f$#k him. I would tell him "I am not a moron, you honestly think that you can lie to me about something like that, I have proof you are a liar." Print out the message archives, or at least email them to yourself. So what if he gets upset about you snooping? You only did it because something felt fishy, and instead of sitting there and taking it, you took matters into your own hands to uncover the truth. If you two live together, kick him our, hopefully you are the one who owns the house or is on the lease. DO NOT get back with someone who is talking like this. It may not be the classic term of cheating by having sex, etc etc. But this is utterly disrespectful and is just as bad as cheating. If he hasn't already, what makes you think he wouldn't try later with this woman, or someone else? Seeing as he thinks you are dumb enough to let it happen. Tell him how dare he disrespect you and it is over and it makes you sick to your stomach to even look at his pathetic existence.

I know that sounds harsh, but I am very against and have very strong feelings about people being unfaithful in a relationship. Especially like this!

2007-04-11 18:53:36 · answer #10 · answered by Konjo Nashi Pirate™ 5 · 1 0

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