My fiance and I will be married in 5 months and are having serious difficulties with family (some of which I won't get into here). Some members of our families are not speaking to each other for various reasons, many reasons not known to us, and we are aware of the fact that their attendance of our wedding may be contingent on who else attends. We are worried that some will simply not rsvp and not show up, others will rsvp and show up, others will rsvp and find some excuse for not having shown up... basically, these family quarrels are promising to put a definate damper on our celebration of unity. Another worry of mine is that there will be a much greater attendance from my family than from his (my estimation is... maybe 5:1 or worse) which i know hurts him greatly.
What can I do to drive home the importance of this day, or at the least, lessen the pain of rejection that I know will follow the wedding? Please; saying that we should rejoice in who attends is far easier said than done.
2007-04-11 16:15:01 · 7 answers · asked by Chrissy-DO 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I have a similar problem with my upcoming wedding. I have some relatives who do not speak to each other, and I am not going to take sides. I am going to invite everyone, and if some people decide not to go then that is their loss. I think it would be a good idea to mail the invites a little earlier than usual, to leave time for said people to decide that they don't want to go.
Also, you may want to ask the wedding party members to try to diffuse any confrontations that may happen. And if these people tend to get very confrontational after drinking, you may not want to have an open bar.
As for uneven attendance, you don't have to split up the guests at the ceremony, with one side of the aisle for the bride's guests and the other for the groom's. You can try allowing people to sit on either side regardless of who they know better, or if you are not in a church then you can try nontraditional seating arrangements, like sitting in a circle around the altar.
2007-04-11 20:20:01 · answer #1 · answered by jellybeanchick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being you and he seem to be a modern day Juliet And Romeo, you have 4 options in this matter-
1. Have the wedding regardless
2. Cancel it all together,
3. Have 2 cermonies (1 for your family and 1 for his)
4. (I honestly recommend against this one) do what Romeo And Juliet did. The two of you would be forever together and
you will get the same result they got.
Of course, if you choose option 1 you could give a copy of the video of your wedding to both families and keep the orignial for yourselves. But if his family are moral, they'll attend anyway, for their son. They have to!
2007-04-11 23:35:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The almost same situation with my husband and I happened with his family (and part of mine).
His family: His mom, younger sister, grandmother and a few others REFUSED to go by giving excuses saying 1) Can't afford it or 2) I won't fly nor go near water.
Therefore, pretty much if we didn't have it in town, they would not attend. His mom said she would and then she got this excuse once insulted that we were paying for his much younger sister (as she is 13) and not her (as if a 13 year old who lives with her strict dad will pay). Bunch of drama. To the point they hanged up on him when we decided to tell them we got married in Vegas instead of original plan of next year in Maui (which still going to maui, but as a renewl).
He was going to Iraq and we were going to vegas for his birthday/going away present. We got married there with only a month prior of planning it. They would of had same excuse not to attend so we didn't bother telling them til we got back....yeah, let see, they hanged up on him, blew up at him. No congrats.
He never even got a phone call on his birthday a few days later.
So yeah, I can relate to conflicts and selfishness when suppose to be happy fullfilling and closeness day.
Him and I are thinking we are going to have with or with out them. If they want to RSV, then they need to RSV with the money for the food (if guest are paying that is).
With a conflict like that, I don't think it is rude to have a non-refundable deposit on their holding seats if they do not show up.
You also need to address your feelings of how this is his and your special day and everyone needs to leave their problems at the door and have a great time. That is mine, my husband's and my mom's advice that we just learned to truly stand by it. If they truly care and want to see you happy, they will place it at the door and pick it up when they leave.
2007-04-12 00:07:02 · answer #3 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
About the best idea I would have for you is to sit down with the entire families and tell them all your dilemas(that you want them all there but are afraid their bad feelings towards eachother will effect who will come.) Ask that they put their differences aside for this one day and help make it a joyful day for all involved. Good Luck!!!
2007-04-11 23:48:21 · answer #4 · answered by Amy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, I did not even read your whole question!!! To heck with everyone else, you just get married and don't even worry about who shows up or not. IT'S NOT ABOUT THEM!!! It's ya'll wedding day, not theirs. I see it as their loss if they don't show up. God Bless you and your significant other and have a wonderful wedding w/ my blessings.
2007-04-11 23:27:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here is an idea, make them part of the wedding, and they will HAVE to show up...
2007-04-11 23:43:03 · answer #6 · answered by St.Jeb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it being uneven - you really can only do so much.
2007-04-12 03:25:49 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋