We've been together 4 years. We're both mid twenties. We've been fighting because he is always making comments about how he would like to be with other girls, and i hate that.
So, he told me:
1. He'll lie to me, and not tell me what he really thinks. Warning me to expect to hear stuff about him from other people.
2. Me 'being good', and not making a fuss or be hurt by his remarks.
3. Not being together at all.
He says it's my problem, because i'm the one who doesn't like the way he is. I tell him i love him, but i don't like being hurt just because he thinks a girl is hot and he likes to go on and on about it, and how sad he is he can't be with them, or that if he can, he will.
Is it really my problem? Should i be just thankful that he's brutally honest on that? He says if a man says he doesn't want to fool around with others, he's lying. I think to some extent it's true, but still! Is it really MY problem?
2007-04-11 12:08:14 · 27 answers · asked by jade 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
if he even has the balls to say that then you should break up with him you shouldnt go out with someone who is that mean
2007-04-11 12:11:19 · answer #1 · answered by saxplayingsurfchick 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
3
2007-04-11 12:15:30 · answer #2 · answered by tc_72 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a literal sense, it IS your problem. Because basically he is force-feeding down your throat "this is what I am going to do and I don't care how you feel about it".
You should be thankful he is telling you this NOW before the relationship progresses any further. But the part about all guys are like he is is **&%**&#$ (word I can't use here). THAT is simply not true.
By the way maybe he's right, maybe all men in the world DO "want" to fool around with others. That does not mean all men are INCAPABLE of respecting a woman and doing what is best for the relationship.
So to sum it up:
1. Yes, it IS your problem.
2. I understand perfectly why you don't "like" any of the 3 options.
3. Leave the self-centered Guy and find someone who will treat you better.
2007-04-11 12:17:58 · answer #3 · answered by clueless_nerd 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds more like he gave you 3 ultimatums - not options. Even those were pitiful - you two are such children still, playing at games.
Yes, quite frankly, it IS your problem because you tolerate his rude behavior. Move on. The reason you are fighting is because you two are not really compatible. You've given it enough time. MORE than enough time. You need to grow a backbone and learn how to enjoy being by yourself. Believe it or not, you will. And it's then that the right person will come into your life. You both are still very young; too young to lock yourselves down without living and meeting other people. You have a lot of maturing and living to do yet. It's time for you to decide if you have enough self-respect to do the right thing and not take his garbage. He'll keep it up just to see how much crap you will take. Meanwhile he is losing respect for you - and there can be no love where there is no respect.
2007-04-11 12:56:06 · answer #4 · answered by D 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To an extent, it is your problem, because the dislike for those comments is in your head. You control how you feel and how you react to his comments and which comments you let affect you. BUT relationships are about respect and compromise and trust. You can't have a solid relationship if you don't have those.
Sounds like your boyfriend isn't willing to compromise. He just wants it HIS way. A decent compromise would be he gets to look, and maybe comment, but then he turns to you and says (with truth and honesty), "Yeah, she was hot but she didn't have your beautiful smile and she didn't make me smile back at her". He's also not showing you a lot of respect if he goes on and on and on about how hot other women are to your face. And he definitely isn't trust-worthy if he's telling you you're going to hear stories about him from other people.
So you have your options. He's not willing to compromise on them. I think you have other problems in this relationship than him looking. You're having trouble on some major areas and this is just a symptom and not a cause. Figure out if you can live with any of his options or not.
Personally I don't care if hubby comments about how hot other women are because I know that all he'll ever do is look. He loves me. Not them. If you can't trust your guy won't cheat, you should probably be working on that, rather than on him commenting about other women.
2007-04-11 12:20:28 · answer #5 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not ready or happy in this relationship if he is giving you choices. Here is a choice for him its called dump him. He does not love you or he won't act the way he does. Tell him if he thinks he can get better go ahead and try and when he finds no one will be as good to him as you are it will be too late to come back you will have moved on to a real man. HE is pretty much t elling you he will cheat and there is nothing you can do but YOU have the power to walk out of this relationship. Yes, i know its hard and it will hurt but do you feel you deserve to be dumped on over and over again by a man who does not respect you as a person let alone as his girlfriend.
2007-04-11 12:13:07 · answer #6 · answered by bbinqueens33 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it really is your problem, because you choose to be with this guy.
He is right in that he is what he is. You can't change him, and it's not right to expect him to change. Would you want someone to change something that you like about yourself for their own selfish reasons? Of course not, that would be absurd.
No matter how rude, brutal or selfish his options are to you, they are correct. You can only prick from those three, either go for it, ignore it or leave him.
I suggest you leave him. He is a loser and you can do so much better than that. There are plenty of good guys out there that will give you the respect that you deserve. However there is a bigger question, why do you go for loser guys?
2007-04-11 12:15:34 · answer #7 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"He says if a man says he doesn't want to fool around with others, he's lying."
This MAY be true to a certain extent, however WANTING to fool around and ACTUALLY fooling around are different.
He's not going to change and he told you so. He's GOING to fool around. You've become the fallback position. The safety net. Always available. When he doesn't have anything NEW going on he comes home to you for service, until he can find someone else to "do".
Now you have to decide if you want to live like that. So yeah, now it's YOUR problem.
2007-04-11 12:15:46 · answer #8 · answered by Sarge1572 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi! I'm not really that mature yet (teens), but what he's doing to you is not fair, and it isn't your problem. It's rude and obnoxious to tell you that he wants other girls. You are a dedicated girlfriend, and you should not be treated that way.
I feel so sorry for your situation. I say that you talk to him, without interruption, and explain to him how it makes you feel. If he doesn't want to hear it, then he's not worth your time.
Not trying to jump ahead but if he keeps doing so, and put you down as well, that relationship may be headed towards an emotionally abusive relationship.
Good luck!
2007-04-11 12:15:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take option 3. This is who he is and apparently you don't like it. You should get out now because he is very immature and not likely to change. Trust me there are better men out there. Your only twenty so you have a lot of years ahead of you and he will never change. People are pretty much how you find then and they rarely change unless they want to. Also he sounds like he will cheat on you first time he gets a chance.
2007-04-11 12:17:01 · answer #10 · answered by mrrparker 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he cares about you and loves you, he shouldn't be cold-heartedly giving you only 3 options to solve a problem. He should just stop saying it or thinking it. It is true to a certain extent that men are like that sometimes, but they should be truly committed to their own woman.
2007-04-11 12:13:16 · answer #11 · answered by julia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋