I have employed a caregiver for my Mother for 6 years now and found her personality to be "bully-like in many areas". She always threathens to do something to me legally if I try to fire her etc. She speaks critically to me and insults me often. I put up with it because she is doing a good job with my Mother. Finally on Monday I just go so tired of it and called her daughter to speak to her about her Mother. I was in shock when I heard what she had to say.The daughter told me that the Mother speaks like that all the time . The daughter has not been in contact with the Mother in 17 years. The other daughter /her sister is like her Mother . The Mother tells lots of lies and has an aggressive /insulting /critical nature to her.
I was surprised to hear that the oldest daughter told me she would not even attend her Mother's funeral if I called her and told her to come. WOW!!
What does one do in this situation???
2007-04-11 11:20:08 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You give her notice that her position is being terminated. Unless you have a contract with her for a specific length of time, there is nothing she can do legally. Your not firing her (for cause, or without cause), you no longer need her services. I'm very confused as to why you would call this woman's daughter (or any family member), she has nothing to do with the situation. Wouldn't you think your employer crazy if he/she called your mother and told her you were taking too many breaks, or were late too often? Your much too emotionally involved with this situation. You are an employer, and this woman is your employee. After you get rid of her, it would better serve you to go through an agency, so you don't have to be the "boss".
2007-04-11 11:46:53 · answer #1 · answered by Mike M. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is like that to you, just imagine how she may be treating your mother! You are intimidated by her actions towards you, so your mother may be getting threatened also, but will not say, just to protect you from this troubled lady too. I would set up a video camera, in a couple locations, which your mother is normally located, preferably with sound! If she is acting abusive towards your mother, you will see it very clearly. You may not like what you see or hear, so be prepared for the worst. If nothing develops, breath a huge sigh of relief! If you do find disturbing evidence, I would contact the authorities and immediately have all lock changed in the house and an unlisted phone number. The cost and hassle will be worth avoiding the possible other things that could take place after her firing! She obviously has a plan of attack, if fired, so do the one up on her and find someone else! I would have the locks all changed when she is not there and dismiss her afterward. If you can call her ( pay phone) and break the news to her, she will not be in the house, nor can she enter it. Your videos will clue in the proper authorities and they will be aware of your situation ahead of time. If you have to call for help ( heaven forbid ) they will know whats been happening! Good Luck!!
2007-04-11 11:44:04 · answer #2 · answered by Gary L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This caregiver may be doing a good job for your mother, but I would wonder if when you are not around, how she deals with her. Even if she is as good as you say she is, she is in someone else's home, should do her job to the best of her ability, and not try to run someone else's home.
I'm surprised you were able to put up with her for this long. Obviously, it is starting to get to you. She has major control issues, and sounds like quite an evil person.
I would find someone else for your mother, and not tolerate verbal abuse from anyone. The sooner you get rid of her, the better off you'll be. You don't need this stress. Give her 2 weeks pay in lieu of notice, or whatever the law is in your state, and show her THE DOOR!!!
2007-04-11 11:36:22 · answer #3 · answered by HEIDI L 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Find someone else for Mom and get this lady gone. You may THINK she is doing a good job with Mom but how is she when you are not there? There are plenty of other care givers that will not only be good with Mom but respectful to you too. As for the threats. Are you going to allow yourself to be blackmailed. What kind of person does that? You want that kind taking care of Mom? Good Luck!
2007-04-11 13:20:24 · answer #4 · answered by Smilinez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it the tune you relate to? Because I truthfully realize, and love, that tune! (: Firstly, while I uncover myself up towards a reputedly unsolvable query, the visible factor for me to do is lie (each to others and to myself). I'll faux that it does not faze me. How do I deal with this tragic strife? Well... I traditionally uncover anybody to open up to, however in an unnoticeable manner. Like I'll ask them whatever like, "what do you do whilst you've misplaced a boyfriend?" while quite I imply "my mother simply died, and I believe like crap, how do I manage my feelings?" When matters begin to get out of manipulate I get quite moody. That's approximately all. I have no idea myself good sufficient and am too risky to understand how I might react.
2016-09-05 10:20:19 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You hired her then hire someone else being a person with this type of background is uncertain. However be watchful because of the threats.
2007-04-11 11:30:32 · answer #6 · answered by JoJoBa 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get rid of her. she could be treating your mom this way when you aren't around. she can threaten all she wants but she hasn't got a leg to stand on. sounds like a very bitter old woman. tell her to take a hike.
2007-04-11 12:59:37 · answer #7 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find someone else to care for your mother... how can you be sure of how she treats your mom when your not around
2007-04-11 11:29:58 · answer #8 · answered by donna l 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋