Planning a sermon?

Question

Im a teenager, our church is having a youth ran service. I got nominated to deliver the sermon. We decided on judging others. I dont want to lose peoples attention; so, I need a joke or two. Please make it church appropriate and about judging others.

Answer 1

I think mentioning Don Imus will do the trick.

Answer 2

I speak publicly, giving sermons, blessings and lessons.

No, don't do this. Don't prepare jokes ahead of time.

When you speak, ask God for direction. Let Him use you. When God speaks through you, you will most certainly grab the attention of the listeners.

Sometimes, something I said makes people laugh, but I'm not aware at the time that I was being funny.

Judging others is a good topic. But, you know, a really good topic would be peer pressure.

"Are you following Jesus, or are you following man?"

This world is filled with temptations, and a good message on following Jesus, walking in the Spirit, and having the armor of protection (Last Chapter of Ephesians), but knowing the Truth, staying in the Word, etc.

Answer 3

I know a long joke/story about judging others.
You can email me for the details if you are interested, but briefly the story tells of a man whose car broke down on a rural road, so he looks around to see who will help him. He sees a house off in the distance with a porch light on. The man starts walking to the house. It is growing dark. The porch light goes out. Along the way, the man starts telling himself that he is going to be an imposition on the farmer. He starts telling himself that the farmer is going to be tired and not want to help him. The man tells himself further that the farmer is going to be very mad at him for waking him up. He continues to tell himself negative things about the farmer, like who he will probably charge him money to help fix the car.
Finally, when he gets to the farm house and rings the door bell, the stranded man, who now has talked himself into thinking that the farmer will be a mean person, grabs the farmer and starts shaking him, saying, "You lousy cheapskate, I don't want your help."

The joke of course, is that the stranded motorist has talked himself into deciding what the characteristics of the bewildered farmer are, without really knowing the farmer. He has judged the farmer without giving the farmer chance to act.

Answer 4

Can you name one Joke that Jesus told. I'm just wondering if he would approve of jokes being in church http://www.churchofgod.net/joking.htm

Answer 5

If the Nazis had won the war when the Pope was one of them, you would now shout , Seig Heil Mary ! Goes down well at the Freemasons lodges. If you need more, just ask, I`ve got Mormon, Jewish, Snake Handlers, KKK, Nuns, etc.

Answer 6

I have a great one. Let me search and I'll be right back...

Here goes:

I was out on the West Coast, and I was looking for a teddy bear for child number one. As I was walking through the airport concourse, a smell, this aroma, something from a bakery, lifted me up and I just followed it. And there was a little cubby hole, and all you entrepreneurs out there can take heed from what a great salesman this guy was. He was selling cookies. And these cookies had just been baked and he put them out near the door and he had specials. He had little bags of cookies on special that night, and he had a big fan in the back and it was blowing that smell out and you could see the suckers come walking by and turn around and walk right in that store. It was incredible. I was one of the suckers. You see I like cookies, and I love chocolate chip cookies, and they had a special on chocolate chip cookies. I decided I was going to get a dozen. I bought the cookies and I was going to go take my seat and enjoy my cookies, read my book, and wait on the airplane.
I also bought a Diet Coke, and you figure that one out. Somehow or another we think that Diet Coke is going to kill the calories in those cookies. Trust me, it doesn't. I had a Diet Coke and a dozen cookies and I walked over to this cute little vinyl, maybe plastic, chair. Attached to that chair was a table that had a little coaster where you could put your Diet Coke, and on the other end of that table was another chair. So I took my seat, got my book out, and put my cookies in the middle of the table.

All of a sudden, this very nice looking woman walked by and sat down in the seat next to me. I started reading my book and, all of a sudden, I saw her reach in my bag and get one of my cookies. And I couldn't believe it. You know, I bought a dozen, and I'm a planner. I had a goal and I was going to eat all twelve of those cookies. I knew there were only eleven left so I reached in and pulled the bag over to me to let her know they were my cookies. You know what she did? She reached over and pulled the bag over to the middle of the table and she got another cookie. I couldn't believe it. It was back and forth. You couldn't believe how fast we were eating these cookies. Finally, there was one cookie left. Guess who got it? She did. She got the last cookie, then picked up the bag, turned it upside down to shake the crumbs out to let me know there were no more cookies. And you know what she did? She broke the cookie in half and gave me half. Can you believe the audacity of this ugly old woman? I was shocked. I couldn't believe it!

All of a sudden I heard the last call for my plane. I didn't have time to go back and get another bag of cookies. I just couldn't believe this had happened to me. So I grabbed my briefcase, I grabbed my bags, and I started heading to the airplane saying, "Gosh, this is crazy, this is absolutely crazy." This woman did this to me, but I said to myself, "I'm a positive thinker, I'm a planner and I'm going to rise above this. I am going to get on the airplane and maybe this airplane will give me a decent meal that I can enjoy on the way home. I'm going to sit back, read my book, and enjoy this cross country trip." So I took my seat. I was in first class so I had a little room. I decided I was going to get my book out and as I looked in my briefcase, I found my bag of cookies. That's right. I had been eating her cookies.

As told by George Shinn, owner of the Charlotte Hornets

Answer 7

whatever as long as you put the Word first. They're not there to see you, they're there to hear the Word.

Answer 8

RUN AWAY FROM THIS FORUM>>>PLEASE FOR YOUR OWN SANITY>>>>>>