Why is it impossible for someone with a mental illness to find a spouse?

Question

I have severe depression, anxiety, and bi-polar disorder and I suspect this is the reason women back away from me. I'm not a person with a bad temper or any violent tendencies.

Answer 1

Dude, even confident, successful, good looking men have trouble finding a person they're compatible with. Everyone has the same problem, don't think you're alone in this! But there's someone out there for everyone. :)

Answer 2

Hi. I have to say that it is not at all impossible! I know the feeling of thinking that because I have some problems myself with depression and anxiety. I think that, for me, sometimes I feel insecure and self-concious about my own problems and I fear that it is driving people away. The truth of the matter is, the more stock you put into these insecurities, the more you will isolate yourself and become closed-off to other people. I know that has been the case for me. I have had a couple of really meaningful relationships with people that didn't work out in the end. I know now that it is not because of my depression. It was because it just didn't work out. I think that people who don't have these issues also find their relationships not working out. It is just a sad part of life. Sure, our moodiness can add strain to a relationship, but lots of people are moody and lots of peoples' relationships get strained that way- with or without a mental illness. I think the key is finding a way to feel less vulnerable to rejection. I know that I have become a very private person over the years, in large part because I am afraid what people will think of me. But, the best relationships and the most lasting relationships I have been in were the ones where I allowed myself to share my feelings and just be honest. If this isn't working for you, just keep trying. I am of the opinion that there is probably a good match for you out there and you may not have found it yet. Hang in there and don't let it consume you! Best of luck!

Answer 3

Okay, think about what you said for a minute? Most men & women want to be happy in life, so given the choice, most people would rather be with a happy person, don't you think?
No one is happy all the time, but maybe the impression you leave is not a very positive one. You can't really count on someone else to "make you happy". You need to find happiness yourself. That will prepare you for a good healthy relationship. Just keep working at it.
Good Luck.

Answer 4

I'm not doubting your illness, but Bipolar Disorder can't be diagnosed simultaneously with Depressive disorders. You can really only have one mood disorder at a time. So it sounds like you have Bipolar Disorder with some related anxious features. The reason I don't think you just have severe depression is that severely depressed people don't say, "I'm not a bad person." They say "I am a bad person, and that's why I'm unloveable."

I don't think marriage is impossible, but you should definitely work on your personal struggles first. Find medication treatments and therapy if you haven't already.

Answer 5

Fifteen years ago, I was diagnosed with severe depression anxiety and Post Partum Depression, and I am still on medication, and I have been happily married to the same man for fifteen years and five years after we were married, I had a beautiful daughter, she is nine now and will be ten in July, and I had Post Partum Depression, and on medication for that.

And the best part is that I am a wife, mother and have a really blessed husband and daughter!!!

Anything is possible!

Answer 6

Maybe you're giving out TMI. Don't whap em upside the head, with "hello my name is joe, and i have several, mental disorders".
Unfortunately, the illness you describe is a turn off. People aren't looking to meet "downers". You need to get all of your disorders treated and under control, so you have a positive outlook on life, and people will see that. Illnesses like you've mentioned are not something you disclose immediately, give the person a chance to get to know you and then relay them. Depression does go away if treated properly, this is the big one, people want to be around people that make them feel good, not somebody who is always sad. Seek out counseling and treatment, you'll meet somebody!

Answer 7

I don't think that's necessarily true... and there are many treatment options out there for mental health issues. People can lead perfectly normal lives as long as they try to stay healthy. I also have anxiety and depression but I've been in a few successful relationships. Don't worry the right woman will find you!!

Answer 8

It's not impossible at all. I have mental illness and am in a long term relationship with a very special man. It's hard work, just like any relationship, but because of my illness sometimes it takes a little more work... and patience.

Be patient, someone is out there for you.

Answer 9

Now wait a second, how do you know they are backing away? Isn't one of the symptoms of Depression feeling like nobody cares about you? There may be other reasons for the way these woman act. If it is becuase of your depression that they are afraid its not YOUR fault its more likely a deep set fear planted in them by the society around them. There is some one out there for you as over used as that is its still true. I'm sorry you fill this way!

-abi

Answer 10

I don't think it's impossible. I think you just need to be honest and let that special someone know everything you are experiencing. I work with people who have mental illnesses and they met their spouse after they were diagnosed. It can all work out if you find that special someone. Good luck.