My bf and i have been together for 4 years. We've been fighting because of his remarks about him being with others. Which he says he isn't, but says that it would be nice. I know he feels he's missing out on things because he's with me, and is feeling kind of trapped. I love him very much, but i hate to feel like we're together only because I want to. He gets mad at me everytime that i point out that he's making me feel bad with his nasty comments, and we end up having a HUGE fight, and he says he doesn't even want to see me because I'm being a jerk, (for having hurt feelings?). I don't want him to feel 'trapped', but i don't want him running around as if i don't exist or my feelings don't matter. I know the 'dump him' would be the logical thing, but that's not what i would want, i love him! Is it the only way?
2007-04-11 07:33:43 · 18 answers · asked by jade 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Like for example, he said he could be going out with some girl friends dancing, instead of being with me. But he has said he's not much of a dancer, and neither am i, but sometimes i have suggested us dancing, and he never wants to.
2007-04-11 07:36:03 · update #1
Let him go.
You can't hold on to someone who doesn't want to be there. You feel hurt, sure, but I wouldn't want to be with a man unless I knew he wanted to be with me just as much. Or if I thought he'd rather be with someone else while he was with me.
2007-04-11 07:42:03 · answer #1 · answered by eviechatter 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When someone feels trapped, open the door. Have you ever watched a bird in a cage, it will try to get out over and over again. Open the gate and now all the sudden the bird has to decide if it wants to leave the saftey of the cage. Open the door for him. I'd tell him, if he wants to date other people all he has to do is say the word. Let him know that doesn't mean you'll be waiting around. But if he wants to stay and make the best of this relationship; that your all for that too. It may seem risky, but it's your best hope. He won't be talking that sh*t, if he feels like he's free to go. Don't let him blame you for him being stuck, let him know it's been his choice all along.
If he loves you, he'll make the right deciscion, I'd probably write a letter, it's less threatening that way. If you do it in conversation, he'll cut you off and argue most likely. Be clear, concise, honest and to nice about it. If he really wants this, let him know you don't want to be the one to hold him back from happiness. Even if it means you two can be together. He'll be blown away, i bet.
2007-04-11 14:42:56 · answer #2 · answered by ~MB~ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadly yes. At least for now. You're in imbalanced relationship and you cannot force him to love you back. Let him go... if he can't love you fully and wants to be with other women, you're better off without him. You deserve someone who will love you as much as you love him - it will happen. He is getting mad at you as a way of blaming you - which eases his conscience when he cheats and or breaks up. This is NOT your fault. Dump him before he dumps you!!! That way you have the satisfaction & great feeling of control. Date other guys - there are so many out there and one will be more perfect for you than the guy now.
Don't be afraid! Trust me, you'll feel better and be happier in the long run.
2007-04-11 14:40:35 · answer #3 · answered by Josie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here is the deal, you aren't married. You are in a relationship I would assume after 4 yrs you'd know if he was going to commit. He doesn't seem to want to commit?
A feeling of being trapped is a way to say I like banging you but I don't want anything more. He likes the cake and when he can eat for free why pay for it?
A lot of young women whore themselves for a "relationship", setting ground rules before you dive in, means no sex until marriage. I think less people would be hurt if people would adhere to that.
2007-04-11 14:40:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but it seems as if breaking up would be the only solution. You could talk to him and see how he feels about your relationship. If he does want to break it off, maybe you two could try seeing other people. In the end, he may come back to you...or he may not. I know that you love him and it's hard. Or maybe you two could still be together, just not exclusive and see how things work out. Wish you the best.
2007-04-11 14:41:18 · answer #5 · answered by Faith P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one wants to dump someone that they love. No one wants the person they love to feel trapped in their relationship - but it happens! Sometimes we don't WANT to do the right thing, but if you stick with someone who doesn't really want to be with you, what kind of person are you? And what do you expect to get out of the situation? He feels trapped, and obviously needs to go out there and experience FOR HIMSELF that single life is not all it is cracked up to be. No matter what you do to try and make him realize that, he never will, unless he experiences it for himself. You have no choice, you either dump him, or resign yourself to a miserable existence.
2007-04-11 14:46:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't help who you fall in love with, but this love may not be the right one. If he wants a breather, give it to him. If he really loves you, he'll come back. If he doesn't, then all the better for you. You got rid of someone not worthy of your time and energy. There are plenty of fish in the sea, sweetie. What you need to do is find the one that tastes just right. ^__^
2007-04-11 14:41:18 · answer #7 · answered by *Gerry'sBaby* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hate to break it to you but sounds like he wants out of the relationship but isn't man enough to admit it. You deserve better. Find someone who looks forward to spending time with you and doesn't feel "trapped" by your relationship. I know you love him but don't you feel that you deserve someone who loves you whole-heartedly? Also, now is a good time to ask yourself why you love him.
2007-04-11 14:40:20 · answer #8 · answered by Mysteemarie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Leena :
Lot's of info up there... Why do You trouble?
No one belongs to other but thyself...
Then, if someone wants it, so it will be, regardless of whatever...
No relationship is guaranteed to last forever...
Sad as is, Just enjoy it as long as it lasts!!!
Probably a little "freedom" for both would feed air into the fire of passion!
Good luck! Bear hugs! ;-)
2007-04-11 14:39:19 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him.
He suffers from all the advertising that's geared to make us dissatisfied with whatever/whomever we have, so that we will go out and get whatever the marketers want us to buy.
Just think about it that he's making himself unlovable with his dissatisfaction. At least he's honest, and you can dump him without the baggage of him cheating on you.
2007-04-11 14:39:15 · answer #10 · answered by nora22000 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋