How do I tell him without hurting him....?

Question

How do I tell him without hurting him that I need some space! Okay I met a wonderful guy a month now he's great , however he wont give me anytime to myself you know to do girl things like my hair, shave, hang with my friends he wants to be with me all the dam time and I’m torn . Torn between enjoying the single life and settling down for someone I know is good. I enjoy being with him trust me . Its just whenever I have something to do he gets sad or questions me on how long it will take so he can see me soon after . I want to tell him without jeopardizing what we have how do I do this???

Answer 1

Guys generally think you're dating / seeing somebody else, IF you say you "need space". We don't tend to "get" that idea of women hanging around, doing hair, etc.

The best way is to be extremely clear and to the point, say "ok, I like you, and I also like to do things with my hair, shave, and hang out with my girl friends, so I need some time to do that, I'm sure you like to hang out with your guy friends also"

OR, you could have him come along to the hair salon, see how long he lasts with that. Go get makeup done with girlfriends (and him), etc. He will SEE what you're talking about. He does NOT want that either, but show him if you don't want to "explain" it.
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SEE what I mean:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AoWre4r5uJsQi49wONb.lnlJxQt.?qid=20070411111156AAwZUNn

Answer 2

You say, "I need some space" You cannot be responsible for his reaction, but you can make sure you are not rude or hurtful. You sound very young. I know that you don't have a lot of experience at dating yet, but the thing you can learn now is that you don't have to stay in a relationship that you don't feel comfortable, and just by what you described it sounds like there may be some red flags you should be afraid of.

My advice is break it off (carefully) and then take some time to figure out how to handle situations such as this and others for a year or so then try again.

Answer 3

Your first mistake was not ensuring that you had that "me" time right from the beginning, but it's not too late. One of the most important aspects of any relationship is communication and you need to sit down with your b/f and tell him that you so enjoy being with him and doing everything with him, but that you need a little me time occasionally also. Tell him it's just to lounge around in your jammies and read and shave and do your nails and hair and etc. Or sometimes you and some girls want to see a chick flick and grab a bite but this in no way dimishes your relationship with him and actually refreshes you and makes you happier to see him the next time you two get together. Suggest that once or twice a month (start slow) that the two of you plan to do your own thing (he gets to hang with the guys, you with the girls). If he appears not to have too many guy friends, do any of your g/f's have a b/f that the two guys could go grab a bite and play pool or something together? (You know - absence makes the heart fonder). Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

Ask him if he is a panty and tell him that u do not need anyone up under you all the time in a joking way though. You need some breathing space. He will get the message. If he is a man he should be able to understand without being hurt. If you are not careful he will continue with this throughout the relationship and it might get worse. Nip it in the bud now. If he can not understand or won't change, then let him go.

Answer 5

sounds like he has some trust issues HE needs to deal with. You need to sit down with him and let him know how you feel about him. be honest*~ that includes saying........i love spending time with you...doing things together.....but i also need "my own space " to hang with the girls sometimes...or just to go out and do some errands without having to explain where you're off to and how long you're going to be. Let him know, this is making you feel very uncomfortable, like he doesn't trust you.....and tell him COMMUNICATION TRUST AND HONESTY are the keys to a long healthy relationship , without those..you have nothing. Tell him you're faithful to him, you don't want anyone else....you enjoy your time you spend together.......but you need your own time also* and not feel like you're being questioned about it or that you HAVE to see him right after you run some errands........you want to be able to soak in a tub, watch some shows...read a book....re-arrange your room...whatever.......tell him y ou're not going anywhere......and if he can't trust you or respect that.....then you really do have nothing and would be time for you to move on~
No matter how you put it to him, it may hurt his feelings but at the same time.....he can't read your mind, and perhaps has had ssomeone in the past screw him over so is worried it will happen again. The more he puts restraints on you..the more it is driving you away. He needs to Trust you* and you both need to be completely honest with each other always*~ GOODLUCK*

Answer 6

A month is too soon to be thinking about long-term commitment. You need to be able to do your own thing, and he is going to have to realize this. You need to sit him down and gently tell him that he is coming on too strong and it is starting to turn you off of the relationship. It sounds like he doesn't have enough going on in his own life. Does he have other friends besides you (I hope so.) Maybe you can set aside time where he spends time with his guy friends and you spend time with your girlfriends. And also, name a day or night that you just want to be by yourself (or with your girlfriends) to do your nails, hair, etc. You need to let him know that you have to keep your identity while dating him, or you are going to have to reexamine whether you really want to be part of this relationship.

Answer 7

wow...
does he have any friends of his own? If so, then suggest he do something with them. He is very hooked on you so whatever you`re going to say to him about needing your space...he`ll probably take it the wrong way. But you have to do what you have to do. You shouldn`t lose yourself in a relationship, you have to be your own person! He needs to understand that you are supposed to complete him and not take over his life, you know? I feel bad for the guy, because he will take it personally and think that you don`t love him anymore, you`ll just have to reassure him that you do!

Answer 8

Be honest with him - if he reacts badly to your honesty, I would take that as a alarm bell, because sometimes when a guy is that needy, he is a bit of a control freak, which should be an alarm bell for you, that maybe this won't turn out being the most healthy relationship for you. Hope that helps, something to think about anyway.

Answer 9

I'm sorry to be the one to point this out, but his behavoir is in the top 10 list of thing a person does when they are controling you. You need to say something to him before this gets out of hand. Good luck!

Answer 10

tell him that you don't want to hurt his feelings, but you just want some quality time with yourself. tell him that you want to do some girl things sometimes. tell him he doesn't have to worry about anything. you just need some quality time, and thats all. tell him to find some of his old friends that he hangs with while you're out.


but never ever EVER feel sorry for him; if you DO hurt his feelings. you should never feel sorry for a man. because they'll end up f*cking you up in the end.