How can I upgrade my engagment ring?

Question

I have been married for 2 years. I got engaged 3 years ago, and when my husband and I were looking for rings, I told him i did not want a big ring. I only did so because i felt really bad that he didn't have much money and knew he had been working overtime for 3 months to get me one. I was also not too sure what carats ment at the time. I told him i liked the 3 stone rings (because he was complaining how much the solitaires were). So i told him i liked them too (which i did at the time). Anyways, I do not like my engagment ring anymore. I did get a diamond wedding band, and my husband bought me another one for our 1st year anniversary. I would like to change my ring to a solitaire. I had mentioned it to the jewler and he told me that he could keep the band and i wouldn't be much work. Question is how do i ask my husband/tell him i want to change my engagment ring. We have the money now, we didn't before. Please help!!!!

I absolutly do not want to hurt his feelings, and if i realized 3 years ago and just told him what i wanted instead of trying to please everyone, i wouldn't be in this mess

Answer 1

I understand your situation. I have the exact ring, 3 stones, all totaling 1 carat.
some things to consider. It is VERY difficult if not impossible to simply change one stone. I was under that impression that the ring company would stick the ring in the oven and do an even swap, unfortunately more than likely you would have to get a different ring entirely. the same model perhaps, but the odds of them cutting out one stone and then resizing it for another are slim to none. but still ask your jeweler to be sure. my ring is from zales, and that's what they told me.
as far as telling him. i know what that was like too. a part of me wanted to fake loosing the ring so i wouldn't hurt his feelings, but i knew my conscious would eat me alive. hopefully you can use a something going on in your lives to make the transition. my fiance and I had a rough start and his proposal came in the aftermath of me finding out he was messing around. i told him simply, look if you want to start over a new leaf, then get me a different ring, i do not want to be reminded that you bought this 'symbol of love' while you were lying to me. worked out well. now I'm not saying to wait for something horrible to happen then use that as an excuse but if something did happen you can use that route. also try the something positive route. say you want your ring to reflect the love and adoration you have right now for each other. say that you were under the impression that the ring you had was just temporary, and now that you have gotten to a better place financially, you were expecting another ring.
if all else fails, maybe you can consider the ring enhancers, a separate ring that wraps around the current ring to give more carats, and shine to it. you can simply suggest that you want the ring enhancer as a birthday or anniversary gift. that way you don't hurt his pride, keep the original ring because it has sentimental value, and get the carats you really want. good luck! please let me know how it turned out.

Answer 2

I see no reason to get rid of your engagement ring. It is a gift from your husband and represents the best he could do for you at that time. Why don't you just let him know that you would love to receive a really nice solitaire from him as a gift sometime? I doubt that reworking the old ring to make the new one would save much money and you might regret not having your "original" some day.

In any case, be sensitive but honest. Some of your current situation stems from the fact that you were not honest about your desires and feelings in the past. Basically, your husband has given you three nice rings and none of them are what you really wanted because you never communicated your authentic desires to him! He can't read your mind. He probably has no idea how you feel about this.

Of course you shouldn't expect your husband to fulfill every whim, but if you really want this and have felt the same way for years I am sure that he would be happy to do this for you. Hopefully he won't take your request as a rejection. If he does, make sure to apologize for not being honest from the beginning. I could be wrong, but in the end I think you will wonder why you didn't discuss this with him sooner.

Answer 3

First of all I don't think you are being selfish or petty, and I understand actually where you are coming from. My husband did not have much money at all when he bought my engagement ring and it is very small, but I was so excited because he picked it out and I thought it completely beautiful at the time. As time has gone on, he actually wishes he could have given me a bigger diamond, and sometimes think that it would be nice as well, especially when others are all kinds of showing thier rings off. But what we have decided to do, is to incorporate the engagement ring with the wedding ring, and an anniversary band. This way I am not losing the engagement ring that is so dear to my heart. You see for me I know that he has always wanted and still wants the best for me, and at the time that was the best he could offer. Not exactly sure how we are going to do it all, but from what the jewler showed me it is going to be beautiful. Anyway, I think you can be honest with your husband but let it not come across as a complaint about the ring because that could hurt his feelings, but that you want to add on to the ring as you have added on to the realtionship.

Good luck!

Answer 4

First off, there is NOTHING wrong with wanting to upgrade your ring. Anyone who says otherwise is either:
A. Not married
B. Immature
C. Jealous

Your taste in diamonds has changed.. thats what you should tell your hubby: the straight up truth. He should understand that it's not that you're greedy and you want to show it off. Your taste has simply changed. You would like a solitaire because they are very pretty!

Besides, you should have a ring that you LOVE on your finger.. you wear it every day.

Answer 5

wow not sure how you would tell him.

you should have been honest with him to begin with and say you wanted a solitaire. i have a 3 stone band as my engagement ring. i love it.

maybe tell him the profile is getting caught on things and you want to change the ring into a necklace. of course you would have to get a setting that was very flat.

this was a gift from your husband. he might be crushed if you tell him you don't like it...

Answer 6

The ring that he gave you should be more then just something you want to change. It is a very important symbol in your marriage and to want to change it makes you sound really selfish! It sounds to me like you started your marriage off with a lie, you should have told him from the begining what you really wanted he would have understood. I bet he would do anything and everything to make you happy. You should do the same for him and show him that you care more then anything by keeping the original ring! I hope that you can realize all of this and not see me as being negative in any way. I hope that you make the right choice!

Answer 7

In shopping for my wedding ring w/ my fiance I had a shocking revelation......most men don't care and we're the ones making a big deal of stuff like this.

Ignore the people calling you names. I'd just let him know you were looking into upgrading the ring. (Don't tell him you HATE or DISLIKE your current ring) I'm sure he'll be fine with it, esp if you point out that you love him and the last thing you want to do is hurt his feelings.

Answer 8

Honestly, I think you're being a little materialistic. That ring is a symbol of where you were in your life together at that moment in time. I don't think you should ever upgrade your engagement ring. It is such an important symbol. I appreciate that you sort of stretched the truth about the kinds of rings you like back when he bought it for you, so he wouldn't have to go broke affording the kind of ring you really wanted, but every time you look at your ring, doesn't it take you back to that moment he proposed? It's such a sentimental thing, I think I'd feel awful getting rid of my engagement ring, and it's like the size of a piece of gravel. But every time I look at it, I remember his face when he asked me, and it brings tears to my eyes. Here's a solution- keep the ring, wait for a big anniversary or huge event like the birth of your first child, and hint that you would like a big, gorgeous solitaire diamond ring. "Right-hand rings" are very popular these days, and a lot of people get them for anniversaries, etc. to supplement their engagement ring, not in exchange for it. Good luck.

Answer 9

I would keep the 3 stones as surroundings to the solitaire. Then I would say "Would you mind if I added a solitaire stone to the others in my engagement ring?" That way you keep the original for its sentimental value as well.

Answer 10

Oh dear. Aren't you the least bit attached to the real engagement ring? Wouldnt you feel that the replacement does not have the history and sentimental value of his working overtime 3 months. How many guys would do that? I really would not ask your husband unless you wanted to hurt his feelings. If you really want to and if HE brings it up, then I would do it. Im wondering what the reason is underlying this. Is it a symbol of unhappiness?