older women would you be hurt and angry if husband did this?

Question

We are in our middle 50's. I am out of town. Husband goes to strip club and looks at women as young as eighteen fully nude with other older men he works with. Stays out all night till 6:oo in the morning and goes back to work full day one hour latter? He witheld information and caught it on credit card. Lapdance included by most of married co-workers.He claims he stood at the bar and " I touched no one and no one touched me"? We have a good relationship and tells me our sex life is great? We disscussed strip clubs 3 months prior to him going, and I told him it would hurt my feelings. He said the guys put him in their car to take him back to his vehical........instead they took him to a very nasty club in a bad area. Prostitution and massage parlor avenue! Many of these older men cheat on their wives....... and encourage heavy drinking when together. He has told me about them in the past. Then deliberately goes out on the town with them knowing how they are. It has caused us problems.

Answer 1

dear dumass, ( i'm speaking to your hubby)

i believed you til lap dance came up

did they twist your arm and pull out your credit card and MAKE you get one?

the man has no b*lls, if he can't stand up to peer pressure in his 50s by telling his little friends,
sorry guys, i love my wife and going here would hurt her,she is more important than this

Answer 2

You don't need to be answered by older women only!!! Ummm, Of course a lot of women would be upset by this. But a question for you.....Did he mention the strip clubs 3 months prior or did you? I'm guessing he did to see how you felt about it and you didn't make it easy for him to tell you he wanted to so he lied. If a man feels there is something he wants to do, he's going to do it....You have to make him feel comfortable enough to tell you about his wants. And accept that there may be things he wants to do that you won't like. I think that the part that should upset you most about the situation is that ONE, he lied and TWO, the cheating men he decided to do it with. I would tell him sorry if you made it difficult to tell him the truth, you realize that now, but that it still doesn't excuse him lying about it either. I know I would appreciate that he straight up told me his intentions, regardless of if I liked it or not, as opposed to just out right lying.

Answer 3

My reply is a bit long, but I do hope you'll read through it. And here is why. I put myself through college as a dancer, got my degree, and later married a man who liked to visit strip clubs from time to time. So I'm hoping that I can give you an educated perspective on this.

I have never had issue with a man doing this (with the exception of the time. I expect him to be home at a decent hour or give me a call.)

Here's my thoughts.....

The stories of peer pressure are likely untrue. He got caught and is making excuses for going against your wishes. I do think that if you made if very clear how you felt, then he should have considered that before visiting the club. For this, he is wrong.

However, consider this as well. If he's going to stray,' where he is' has absolutely no impact on that. If he's committed to being faithful, he'll be faithful - whether he's at the clubhouse on the golf course or at a strip club.

Also, consider that unlike women, men are VERY, VERY visual. They like to look at beautiful woman and they like to look at them a lot! It's simply nature. You husband wanting to look at beautiful girls 18 or 20 years old is perfectly natural. Men of all ages still appreciate a beautiful young woman.

I know that this can be a struggle because it can make a wife feel like "I've lost my looks" or "he's not attracted to me anymore". But, just because he finds other women attractive, doesn't mean that he no longer finds you attractive. Just because he loves to watch a tight 20 year old body strut around a stage, doesn't mean that no longer loves you.

I think you'd be a fool to think that he's only just begun visiting strip clubs or catching glances at 20 year old woman. And to be honest, in a strip club full of 100 men and 10 dancers....his odds of picking up a girl, to mess around with, are incredibly slim. Wives should be far more worried about regular bars with regard to infidelity.

My suggestion would be....let him be. You’ve had a successful marriage and, although it can be a real shot to your self esteem, you need to ask yourself: Am I upset about this because I find what he’s doing wrong for some religious or legal reason…..Or, I am upset because I’M jealous and it makes ME feel like he’d rather look at other woman then ME? ie: Who is responsible for your self worth? Who is in control of your self esteem?

Remember that his desire to hang out with his buddies at a strip club, really really has nothing to do with you. And, if you can be a bit more liberal about this, you’d be surprised how he may respond to your new openness and understanding. You may even find that you get talked about at the strip club. You will be the understanding and cool wife. His friends may even be jelous of his relationship with you wishing their wives understood.

Think about this long and hard over a day at the spa….with his credit card of course!

I wish you the best of luck.
:)

Answer 4

I can only say that he might feel the pressure from his fellow workers to be one of the boys . The fact he did not tell you about the money is more than likely that he knew the way you felt about this club and he was letting you down so sweep it under the counter and it might be forgotten . Peer pressure can make a grown man do stupid things .I can understand your pain because he was uncaring and foolish , but just because his work mates are cheaters does not make him one . just a foolish man looking at cheep thrills . why would he go there ? to be one of the boys and to do a naughty thing his wife wont let him do , he has suffered . if you trust him let him off the hook and love the silly old fool.

Answer 5

I'm not older but yes it would hurt really bad. I would tell him if its all your friends doing it then don't go with those friends so you won't have to worry about it. But men are men and most of them are selfish and it would hurt me more because I would be older and I know that I'm not like I used to be young and beautiful but its a part of getting older. Tell him well I'll just go to chip n dales and have me a time while your at some aids infested club with all those herpes infested couchies. lol. Tell him to grow up and stop acting like hes in college because gravity and wrinkles might have hit you but the same has hit him and hes not the stud he once was so he needs to wake up and realize that he has a loving wife at home who loves and cares for him and does want him to get some kind of disease from some club.

Answer 6

I'd be having a LONG talk with your hubby about this. Seeing naked people who are not you is a form of cheating, and it's not like he walked out when he was "forced" there. He seemed to quite enjoy himself, now didn't he? If he continues to do this, you might need to see a marriage counselor.

Answer 7

I'd have been upset - but it's not like he's cheating on you. Give him a hard time about it for a while since he knew you did not want him to go before he actually went - but let it go once he's served his time in the dog house.

Answer 8

Get over it. He had one night out. Strip clubs are no big deal. Go with him next time, it's fun!

Answer 9

Yes I would be angry. He's obviously lying and that is what my problem is.