We've only been goin out for just under 2 months. I think she's amazing and love her to bits (and I have told her so - Not often because she's obviously not feeling the same just yet) but i'm getting mixxed messages from her. 1 day shes fine with me, just her usuall bubbly self and will even tell me how great she thinks i am and how she misses me and is glad she met me and is really happy blah blah.....then a few days later she's totally stone cold with me!
Her ex really hurt her (cheated on her then after they split up he got with her best friend who is now not a friend) and has told me she needs time b4 she can let me in. Which I have said is fine...but its confusing.... If it is just a matter of time i can do that but its not fair for her to go hot and cold with me all of the time?
Whats going on in her head? Is she gonna ditch me? What can I do?
2007-04-11 02:35:09 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Give her some time, she's probably afraid of getting hurt again. Just don't push it and hopefully she'll come around, but if she does dump you it's her lost not yours.
2007-04-11 02:39:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you just need to give her some space as she is obviously still hurt after the experience of her last boyfriend as is perhaps mistrusting of all men at the moment-I'm sure it's nothing personal. Try and do little things to regain trust and please her by buying her small gifts etc. When she has an off day with you perhaps just accept it (off days happen with eveyone) but don't try too hard to cheer her up as it might just annoy her more. I don't think thgat she is even considering dumping you, she just needs a lot of support and to have some fun times with you.
Good luck
2007-04-11 02:45:30 · answer #2 · answered by problem solver 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not fair on you. We've all been hurt by previous lovers - but we cant allow them dominate our future relationships for fear of being hurt. You've told her you love her and seem to be totally into her from your question - so I think you need to explain this to her - tell her how you feel - explain that you will never hurt her like her ex did and that by the way shes treating you with the hot and cold signals that she is unknowningly hurting you.
Relationships are all about taking chances - if she continues to live within her safety zone she will never be truely happy - you need to exlain this to her!
Good luck hun!
xx
2007-04-11 03:11:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
shes insecure and unconfident with everything going on around her. it can take a hell of a longtime before she lets you in, so you'll just have to be patient. you've got to remember, that the last time she let down her defences and let someone in, and perhaps loved them, they used her as a punchbag or whatever.. if you start to push her about it too much, she will dump you, as she'll see you as another version as him, and will use that against you.
i say all this because i was with a girl who have an extremely voilent exhusband, continually used her as a punchbag, and told her he would kill her if she tried to leave him, and he also hurt her child. i stayed with her and hung on, and eventually she let me into her world, and learnt to love someone again, and now that girl has been my wife for the last 2 years or so, and her child has become my son.. there is always a light at the end of the tunnel eventually, it just that sometimes it takes a bloody longtime to see it and bathe in it...
2007-04-11 02:52:06 · answer #4 · answered by shrekky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bro I feel like i wrote the post you just did. I fell madly for a girl who just broke up with her man and cheated on her. She was the same one day happy next day cold. I made the mistake of smothering her with constant gifts and I love you's. I drove her nuts now i see that and yes she went back to him after that jerk off had a car accident. Step back and act normal but don't drive her off by hanging all around her you will only push her away. It is like holding jello in your hand if you squeeze to hard it will slip out from in between your fingers. Nothing is more expensive than regret.
2007-04-11 02:40:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She must have been hurt too hard. The only way to open her up is be supporting to her, but it will take a very long process, cause she was hurt too deeply. If you can accompany to go through this, she will love you always. But the thing for you is, you don't know how long to wait, and you just going out for 2 months, are you sure you wanna do that?
2007-04-11 03:27:50 · answer #6 · answered by Caring Girl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
be very careful indeed...you don't need to say you love her that will most definetely scare her...she may of not been honest with you from the start...im sure she does need time and just be her 'mate' and she will eventually get to trust you..but you may be on a rebound..think about what she has been through and certainly say if she wants to talk then you are here..she will appreciate that...good luck.
2007-04-11 05:15:27 · answer #7 · answered by Jamie79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you need to sit down and make a warm relaxing atmosphere for you both and talk about your feeling with her and ask her to be straight with you and let you know where you stand so you don't have to go and be more hurt if it goes on longer and her previous baggage has hurt her too much and she cant commit to you
good luck to you
2007-04-11 02:42:59 · answer #8 · answered by cateboo2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh god! i went out with one of these one's, she's a drama queen pal, she isnt bothered about your feelings and uses the excuse of having a bad relationship (havent we all?) to mess you about, good luck. the one thing you shouldn't do is start buying her 'little gifts' cos then she'll expect it all the time and play you like a chuffin' fiddle, everytime she wants something she'll turn cold and you'll come running, dont do it pal.
2007-04-11 03:07:19 · answer #9 · answered by Liam 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should just ask her outright where you stand in terms of the relationship. At least then you won't be stressing about what's going on.
2007-04-11 02:50:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋