I guess I should first tell you I was very put off by this couple because they keep asking for money. The bride barely registered for anything and made the comment she rather have cash. I do not give cash for showers so I ran out that night and got something off her registery before everything was bought!!
Now we find out we "have" to say there and it's costing us $500 for the 2 nights plus my fiance tux cost!! They told my fiance it's costing them $150 per person to have this wedding which I think is a fib because the bed and breakfast is making soo much money off the guest... and the wedding reception is super causal.... her aunt is catering it... no Dj just an ipod.
I feel like they are being moochies. I want to buy them whatever is left on their registery for their gift..... but my fiance feels guilted into giving them the $300. What would you do? Mind you this is his best friend!
2007-04-11 02:33:54 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It's OUR money, thank-you very much.
2007-04-11 02:51:08 · update #1
Oh dear. I see why our daughter has refused to be in any more weddings. It is simply too expensive. No one with proper upbringing asks for money. Good for you for not giving it. Well I guess your fiance is saying that since the wedding cost 150 per person you should pay 300? First of all, no one with manners tells how much it costs to their guests. Anyway I think that is a bit much and I dont spend that much on anyone except our own children. BUT since your fiance is the best man and it is HIS best friend, you should defer to him. I agree it is not fair, but call this an educational experience that hopefully you will not repeat. It gives you an idea of how to deal after you two are married also, since this might be your first conflict of ideas? You are learning when to defer to your husband to be. Hopefully you both can get above the drama and enjoy your stay, using it as a get away for you two! Best of luck
2007-04-11 03:14:07 · answer #1 · answered by barthebear 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow...it seems like maybe this soon to be wife is a moocher.
You are in a tough spot because you are the best man and you really need to go with the flow on this one because something so petty like this could end the friendship or at least the great bond you have.
1. It is never ok for the couple to talk about price per head unless it is with the person who is paying for the wedding or if you were to inquire about it.
2. There is no way at a B&B w/ an Ipod and the aunt catering that it is 150 per head.
(I'm having my wedding and reception at a downtown historical hotel in New Orleans and it is only costing me 65 per head and thats the best food you can get, open bar with top shelf, wedding, cake, and pretty much decorated.
3. I would never expect someone to stay at the place I was having my wedding (the place were having it is a hotel). The hotel gave me a quote of something like 165 a night and I said forget that. I called around to find something super close and found something for 110 a night. But I'm also getting prices for other hotels that are cheaper.
(But I would never demand that my bridal party have to stay at the hotel I blocked rooms at or the other hotels I found. Most are out of town so they are but I couldn't even imagine demanding them stay and pay 75 a night. That is THE DECISION OF THE PERSON PAYING)
4. I think its so tacky to ask for cash. I know some people are starting out but then you should have waited until you had enough saved up or found better resources.
5. Do not in this case feel that you need to get a present worth the money that they say is per head.
(You may be the Best Man but that doesnt mean you have to give the most expensive gift)
6. If you can't afford to stay at the B&B for 2 nights then dont. If you just want to stay there the actual wedding night or neither that is your decision and they cannot get mad at you.
Tell them after getting them a present, and your tux, and all the other things you can not afford it.
If everything is taken from the registry I would get them a gift card or get them something else.
Sometimes I get a cute basket and go to Bed, Bath & Beyond and get all kinds of cool kitchen utensils and put them in the basket...get them like a couples massage or a gift card back to the B&B to celebrate their one year anniversary. If you do that say thats 150 do get them something else but I wouldn't spend anymore then 200.
I could never imagine thinking that my bridal party would have to get me something expensive. I asked them to celebrate with me with no headaches.
Be patient and respectful but if you say you just can't afford it they can either pay or let that one go.
2007-04-11 03:02:10 · answer #2 · answered by colie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is real tacky for them to ask for cash. They should just be thankful that people give them anything at all.
As far as them discussing or complaining how much it will cost for each guest, that is just downright ridiculous. If it is such a problem then they should have went with a different venue that would have charged them less. I have never heard of a wedding costing 150 per person, unless of course it is in some overly ritzy place serving overly ritzy food and live performers etc. What you have described is fairly plain, so it shouldn't be that expensive.
Here is my suggestion. If you live close enough to the place where the wedding will be held and dont mind getting up early to go there, then I would save the $500 on staying the night at the BnB. You can just tell them that due to financial issues, it isn't in your budget to stay the night.
As far as the gift goes, find something to get her yourself and under no circumstances should you give them cash. If your fiance is really feeling bad though- let him give them money. If they dont like what they get or how much they get, that is truly on them. If her registry items have already been bought, then I would suggest a gift certificate to that store just in case they didn't get everything they thought they wanted.
2007-04-11 02:51:49 · answer #3 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well since its your fiance's best friend and he is the best man. I think $300 is appropriate. I always give $300 to any of my friends. But thats just me. I even feel 200 is ok. Depending on the hall and what state you live in it could be $150 per plate, especially if it is a saturday night wedding. I am only paying $114 per plate for a friday night in NY. But the Aunt is catering it so I doubt is 150 per plate. Anyway just let your fiance' make the decision, since he is the best man :) Good luck!
P.S. I would not stay at the bed and breakfast. Just let them know it is too much for you budget. Also since i see you write Fiance' im sure you are both saving fo your own wedding. I think it's understandble if you didnt stay the 2 nights.
2007-04-11 02:57:56 · answer #4 · answered by SO In LOVE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be careful, I am assuming this guy will be in your wedding.
Being in a wedding is expensive, unfortunately, $500 for 2 night in a hotel is extreme. They are wrong to require you to stay there. Have your fiance tell his friend that if you can't stay at a place of your choosing that will be their wedding gift.
Of course you won't get a gift from them then, but they'd probably just re-gift something they didn't want from their wedding anyhow.
2007-04-11 05:37:14 · answer #5 · answered by ee 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Eh, its his best friend, I dont think I'd give 300, but I would give cash, probably around 200. If it was anyone else besides a sibling, I would say go ahead and just get the gift, but since its his best friend you are kind of stuck. You wouldnt want to do anything to jeopardize the friendship and she sounds like a real gem and might sway her husband into thinking that your husband isnt the "right" friend if you go cheap.
Good luck.
2007-04-11 02:48:22 · answer #6 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is his best friend. Just talk to your fiance without getting angry. Give your man what he needs to feel ok about this. Life is long and there will come a time when he will have to make a choice to go above and beyond for your friends or family. You want him to do so and be supportive because he loves you, not to participate grudgingly. So why not give him what you would hope for if the roles were reversed.
2007-04-11 03:52:58 · answer #7 · answered by bountifiles 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's tough. I hate when people pretty much demand money. The alternate to giving them all that much money would be to buy them something of equvilant value. Since it is your finance best friend he should know what he likes. get him really good seats to his fav. sports team. He'll love the gift, she'll prob be pissed, but oh well.
2007-04-11 02:59:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just get them a nice crystal vase or serving item. You do not have to get off the registry, and I don't give cash either.
2007-04-11 04:08:33 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It all sounds fishy, but since he's your boyfriend's best friend and it's not your money let your boyfriend do what he thinks is right.
2007-04-11 02:48:18 · answer #10 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋