my partner has been in a unhappy relationship for 9years & stayed for the comfort - we met up 6 weeks ago & she left him , we have had the best time , hes been txting her nasty things - they werent engaged or married , he threatend to kill himself & kill her , she wants to stay with me & wants us to have a future - she said she thinks she loves me , if thats the case why has she just left me & gone back to him - she said she feels guilty for leaving him upset , she knows shes going to be unhappy , im confused - does she love me ?? will i ever get her back ?? help!
2007-04-10 22:38:58 · 15 answers · asked by bilbob 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think she may really love you, but she's just overcome with so much guilt for moving on so fast after a 9year relationship. And she probably just doesn't want you to get hurt, because she knows that your relationship may be affected with her ex(?)boyfriend always hanging around. I know it's a tough situation you are in, but perhaps you really can't do much but wait for everything to boil over. If the relationship really is as unhealthy as you say it is, then it probably won't take long before they part ways for good. However, if the guy is hurting your girl in more ways than one (by that, I mean physically) then this is a whole other problem, that you can't fix alone. Just let your girl make her own decisions, but look out for her and show her that you're still there no matter what. Anyway, good luck to you.
2007-04-10 22:53:39 · answer #1 · answered by eissy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She most likely does love you and you are probablly the best thing to ever happen to her which most likely scares the crap out of her. Weird I know but when you think about it, she was in this unhealthy relationship for 9 years and is used to getting treated badly. You come along and she sees how she is should be treated and I she feels unworthy of your love. Have a chat with her. I am sure she feels that she doesn't deserve to be truly happy cause he must have done a number on her self esteem. Try to help her see that she deserves happiness in her life. Good luck!
2007-04-11 05:45:45 · answer #2 · answered by Jade AvA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is very confused.
Change is a very difficult thing to deal with. Maybe he has promised to do better. (He probably won't--they never do.) Maybe he has threatened her in some way. Maybe she is just scared to change her life. If you are not as successful as he is, maybe she can't imagine a less fortunate lifestyle. Maybe he has just placed a guilt trip on her.
Only time will tell whether she will have the straight that it takes to actually stay away.
It is best that you not interfere right now. If she leaves him for you, and she is unhappy, you will always be blamed.
2007-04-11 05:48:06 · answer #3 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only explanation would be security cause nine years is a long time, and getting out of a controlling relationship is not easy, my advise to would be ask her straight out what she wants if its not what you wan to hear let go and move on i know it might seem like its easier said than done but her boyfriend will never let go.
2007-04-11 05:58:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't love you, honey, she doesn't even love herself. Why would she go back to an abusive relationship otherwise? Some women (and men too, I suppose) were just born to be doormats. By that I mean, they have such low self-esteem that they think they deserve to be abused and they could not possibly be "good enough" for a loving relationship among equals. Nothing you can do about it, I'm afraid. Move on.
2007-04-11 05:44:39 · answer #5 · answered by Liz 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Think about having a routine(sounds like a bad routine) for 9 years and then trying to break that routine. I know it's not that simple but it does kinda make sense.
2007-04-11 05:45:49 · answer #6 · answered by dlnmllr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she really loves you she wil never leave you. And please you dont want her back if she still have feelings for that guy.I see no reason for you to be confused or unhappy, i do understand the pain you are going through, but i say its better to know from the start that she's not yours.try to find another girl who really loves you.
2007-04-11 05:46:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It can't be that bad if she stayed for 9 years. Even though she says she is unhappy she is missing him otherwise she wouldn't go back.
Or she likes to stay unhappy.
Best thing for you is to forget it and move on.
2007-04-11 05:44:20 · answer #8 · answered by Kalu 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
To be honest with you, let her go.
She is seriously messed up and he has some kind of control over her, could be fear, pity or guilt, i don't know.
But she is not in a stable place right now to make a decision or start a new relationship with anyone, she needs professional help in dealing with her emotions etc.
2007-04-11 05:44:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
sounds like he is controlling her and making her feel guilty. you need to just give her some space and maybe she will work things out for herself and come back to you.
Good Luck.
2007-04-11 06:41:27 · answer #10 · answered by Unhinged.... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋