Only knowledgable muslims please answer?

Question

I dont want any answers based on any culture, i want an answer based on Islam & only Islam.

If a man loves a women (they have not kissed or done anything unislamic, all they do is talk to eachother) The man fell inlove with the womens good character But they can not get married because his mother wants to choose his wife.


What happens if he marries his mothers choice but he does not love her. The women he loves will not let him disobey or dissapoint his mother, so she chooses to step back.

They both will end up being miserable because they both love each other.

In Islam is it permissable for the man to speak to his mother & tell her that he loves this other girl & he wants to marry her & when he does & she says no he cant.
What do they do? Islamicaly what is the right procedure to
follow or do?

NERD - In Islam we are taught to respect our mothers & we must remember that if our parents i pleased with us than we will get alot of rewards in this life & the life after.

Parents approval is very important

I HAVE FOUND AN INTERESTING PIECE OF RESEARCH BASED ON MY QUESTION, this clears alot of misconceptions.

http://www.themodernreligion.com/family/family_marriagelegal.html

Answer 1

See if you had of done a bit of research you would have found your answer without asking the opinion of strangers.

Answer 2

In traditional Islam, it is understood that a seperation of the two sexes must be brokered by outside influences. Thus, a more tempered, harmonious arrangement may thus ensure.

This is based upon the idea that, if one is surrounded by friends and family who truly care for the intended, then such a repetition of approval can only be for the good of both the man and the woman. As Allah has only the best intentions for his followers, so should a parent have only the best intentions for their children, which is why sons and daughters are honor-bound to obey the dictates of their parents in such a course of action.

However, Allah knows that even amongst his followers, not all follow a riteous path. But the sins of the unclean cannot be allowed to undo the riteousness that tradition sustains. Even if Allah knows that the man and the woman love each other, their willingness to abide by tradition does not demonstrate their lack of love towards each other, it exemplifies it.

The love that offers itself as a sacrifice of faith is one most pleasing to Allah's eyes. To honor and respect tradition is to honor and respect that which Allah's tradition has brought to you; the love of another. Be the love that shines in the heart, not sings in the minaret.

Answer 3

Yes the boy is permissable to tell his mother that he loves someone else and want to marry her...........And i think a good mother will understand and will let her go for it......its not disobedience if he talks to her mother....it is his right that he can ask to give him becuase even islam gives this right to us to choose the spouses on our own !! Now what if she does not agree !! See i m not in the opinion of hurting the mother......and i don't know but sometime some women become very strict..and they don't care about their kid's wishes..i think he should just wait and try to convince her ..i m sure one day she would agree because this is not fair to marry a girl whom he does not like and it would not be good for that girl even......Unwanted wife do suffer !i know a couple where parents are creating problems.infact here the Girl's parents do not agree......and they are waiting and waiting...trying to convince the parents.....and even they don't want to get married agains their parent's will...So....! well i m not in the opinion of court marriages or something like that..beucase our parents owe our lives to them....they grow us and take care of us.... So he should just wait and try to convince her daily.....it would work i hope ! Well i can't see any other solution to this problem !!and dont forget to pray too !

Answer 4

Respect of Parents is the most important here. Specially Mother.
Yes man has right to talk to his mother politely and try utmost to convince her.
It is also responsibility of a Muslim mother to realize situation if nothing wrong according to Islamic faith.

So it is both side affair, I mean responsibility goes to both.
Man has to take care of his mother first without doing wrong to others. Using other elders as well to convince mother is also a good strategy as well.

Answer 5

Islam is the religion of clarity, it defines a complete set of rights of every one individually, parents rights, husbands/wives rights and the way to choose your life partner.
We are allowed to have only one sight to see each other, before to finalizing him/her as life partner.
By living within the parameters of entire family's rights individually, we have to pass our life as per straight path of Islam.
Problems occurs where violence of rules is committed by any side.
Mothers cannot stop disliking their daughter in laws, even that is the same which your mother has chosen for you before.
My mother selected a girl for me and told me if you marry this girl, I would be happy on you in this world and in hereafter.
So I agreed and married with the same girl, (now alhamdulillah my wife), my mother started to hate her from very first day after my marriage.
So I don't know why our mothers play so much political role in our married lives. They cannot see their sons loving their wives.
Even than we have to be fair with both, mother and wife. This is the challenge of life and being a Muslim, to maintain a balance.

Answer 6

It is a very tacky situation. A child is told to obey their parents.

The proper advised is to listen to his parent because Islam from the beginning did say do not mix freely. So this is one of the problem that will arises.

Time will heal all wound...but a mother grievences will jeopardize your trip to heaven.

Answer 7

Respecting a parent in Islam doesn't mean to ruin your life...
Jusrists have set a difference between "Due obedience", and "Perfect obedience". According to Islam you're rewarded for "Perfect obedience" to ur parents, that includes obedience to decsions like this, that may change ur life, but you're not punished, as long as you fulfill the terms of "Due obedience".

Marriage, divorce, travelling, friends, are matters of perfect obedience as long as you're at the age of maturity in Islam. As Muhammad stated; "Cuddle them for seven years, teach them for 7, be their friends in 7, and then let them for their own choices" PBUH.

Quran forbids forcing women to marry if they don't like the man, choice in , marrige is for the parties. "place not difficulties in the way of their marrying their husbands if it is agreed between them in kindness." Sura 2\232.

Muhammad said in Sahih Muslim, ABu Hurayra: "I find no solution for lovers except marriage".

Then the right procedure is to talk to his mom Gently, This is a life time relation which must be built on love. If she refused, he may refused marriage from the girl she wanted as well, on basis of the above.. as God created the Human free-willed...

Such practices of forcing people to do what they hate is what is pulling Islam back to dark Eras before Islam.

Answer 8

As a Muslim man when i was a single young boy my mother would also choose girls and force me to marry with them but
i have refused and married with the girl i have accepted.

Answer 9

BACK TO THE BASIC...

"Surely with difficulty is ease. With difficulty is surely ease.
Therefore, when thou art free (from thine immediate task), still labour hard, And to thy Lord turn (all) thy attention. "
Al Insyirah:5-8

do a istikhara..ask Allah to guide u the way..which one is better for your future..as only He know what is in the future and what is better..`

"...and it may be that you dislike a thing while it is good for you, and it may be that you love a thing while it is evil for you, and Allah knows, while you do not know. "
Al Baqarah:216

when u are hopeless..and when there are nothing u can count on,always remember,u can always count on Allah as He is the best place to count on..

i'm praying for u so that Allah will guide u to the right path..but u must always believe in His will as it was the best..have faith in qada' and qadar as it was the best way for us which we are always hopeless..

all the best.. wassalam..

Answer 10

The status and value attached to parents in the Muslim world is very high. The Qur'an says:

"Your Lord has decreed that you should worship nothing except Him, and (show) kindness to your parents, whether one or both of them attain old age (while they are) still with you, never say to them a word of contempt nor scold them. Address them in a generous fashion. And out of kindness, stay before them with humility and say: 'My Lord, show them mercy, just as they cared for me in my childhood' " (17:23-24).

Again Allah says:

"We have enjoined man to respect his parents; his mother bears him with fainting after fainting, while his weaning takes two years. Thank Me as well as your parents; towards Me lies the goal" (The Qur'an 31:14)

It is reported that a man came to the Prophet and asked:

"Messenger of Allah, who is the most deserving of good care from me?" The Prophet replied: "Your mother (which he repeated three times) then your father, then your nearest relatives in order".

In another hadith the Prophet has said: "Paradise lies at the feet of mothers". In other words Paradise awaits those who cherish and respect their mothers.

In your case, it is permissible for him to present the case gently to his mother but as the verse of the Qur'an quoted above indicates, thankfulness to parents is linked with thankfulness to Allah, and a failure in either of these respects is indeed a major failure in one's religious duties.

Answer 11

sorry I am not muslim but I would say pray on it. in the uk the tradition would have been to elope run away together. depending on your age's but I do not think he should marry another woman he does not care for enough. if his family will not listen he should refuse to marry any one.